Journey through Life

2008-02-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes.. Valentine's Day. Happy2 to whoever's celebrating. I'm not though. Don't think that it's of any importance to celebrate it anyway. It's not that I'm against it lah, but every other day also can be loving2 and spend time together with other partner also mah.. Right not? Heh..

Anyway, was out watching Jumper on the stroke of Valentine's last night. Haha.. I didn't realise it either till he pointed it out. It was indeed quite a great show. Full house. Yesterday, Cineleisure was literally filled with teens and young adults, even at that hour. And yes, you've guessed it right. Almost every single turn I make, there will be any other girls carrying flowers, bears or chocolates lah.. It was a nice and sweet scene though.. As during the day itself, yours truly spent it at work. Was indeed very busy with the Valentine's pizza. And now, I'm indulging my ownself with Ben and Jerry's. I always have that whenever I'm feeling low, but not this time. I guess I do deserve it after tiring myself out at work, ain't it. Haha..

Granny's birthday is tomorrow. Not confirmed whether there'll be any celebrations or not, but I just have to wait for my dearest cousin to keep me informed. I miss those family times back then. And yes, I miss her, very much.

I've made my decision. To join in the venture. I will try to learn bit by bit. Come to think of it, it's much more better. Not much of a hassle to go through. No interviews, no uniform, no black and white. Mutual trust is all it takes. There will be pros and cons, no doubt. But hopefully, everything can be resolved, peacefully. Insya'allah. I just need to wait for the official timing and I'll be there most of the time.

The tooth pain is acting up again, and it truly sucks. Been 2 weeks now. I'm still having lapses of that. Medication's going to finish soon. And it's gonna take 1 month plus more before the appointment. What else can I do now.. Haiss..

2008-02-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

Been a long time since I last logged in, ain't it.. There's so many things which has happened and which is bound to happen. Not sure where I should start. Maybe I should just summarise it. Heh..

First thing first, I'm still working at the same old place. Been trying to look for full time job but to no avail up till now. Sent out resumes and stuffs, but same old thing too. No fret, I wil just keep on looking and trying. Well, I HAVE to start to be VERY SERIOUS abt jobs and also life. So anyone who has any job to recommend, please do inform me about it. I need it badly. Haha..

I have limited time left so I need to really rush some things. I'm not sure whether I'm ready for the whole thing or whether I've enjoyed life as much, but I'm just taking things as it is. I can only plan and organise, but THE ONE up there will be the judge to it all. HE has the final say after all. And I guess it's true that being older, makes you feel much more adrift from certain things plus having to develop new perceptions. I could no longer think for myself now. Almost every single thing which revolves around me, revolves around other people as well.

Being in 'it' is not easy. I mean, been a few years since I last have this kinda thing. Now, it's finally back, and no doubt, it do feels good. Of course, there's pros and cons in it but so far everything is going on well. Alhamdulilah. Only thing will be that, I can no longer take things in my own hand. I have to have referrals. But it's good though. Sharing thoughts and plans.. Exciting plus interesting. Haha..

Work has been great, as usual. There's bound to be hard times obviously but the environment makes work so much livelier and more happening. I doubt I could ever find any other work place like this. The riders plus the Budak Kecik. Having them around is something I look forward to whenever I come to work. The usual clicks especially. Not forgetting, the managers, of course. The greatest bunch of all.

Friends. Limited now there are. All leading their own life. I do miss them all. From secondary to ITE and also the ones I'm involved with, which does not belong to this 2 category. I miss every single one of them. Wherever you are, take care and have a wonderful life ahead.

Family. Dang! Now is the time to get ready. Need to shift my stuffs and all to my sister's room. It's going to be awkward but I have to deal with it cos I'm going to face it my whole life, unless I'm hitched, of course. I'm just hoping and praying for the best and for things to work out smoothly, in this condition. It's weird to be living with Dad all over again, after being alone for a year. But hopefully, I'll get through it. I just have to start all over again, ain't it..

Guess this is it. Won't be clear as to when I'll be back but won't be too soon though. Till then.. =)

2007-11-02T23:56:00.000-07:00

Lots have been happening around me, from Hari Raya, up till now. There's just so many things to settle and my mind is in a great mess. From domestic to personal stuffs. I don't know how to face things at work, in that kinda condition. It truly sucks. Painful and sad, no doubt. I just want to let it all out and cry. But there seem to be no more tears already. I hate to be stuck like this.

I'm back to square one right now. I don't know what to believe and who to trust anymore. I guess all I gotta do is rely on The Mighty One. I'm still trying to be strong though I'm pretending my way through almost everything.

2007-10-05T03:09:00.000-07:00

This thing.

This thing I've been holding inside me. It's hurting too much. I thought things will get better somehow, but it went the opposite way. Nothing is good, currently. I feel aloof. No doubt I have people all around me almost 24/7, but I'm just faking my way through them. Split personality. I might have developed that. It might sound insane. People thought I am a very strong girl. They think I'm fine with all the stuffs happening. Just because I laugh, joke and smile, that doesn't mean everything's ok.

The turmoil that I'm facing now, is extremely hard to deal with. I don't even know where to begin or how to initiate it. The people whom I've relied on my entire life, seems to be fading away. Well yeah, I know, for how long am I suppose to rely on people. I got to be independent, some might say. I thought I would be 'adult enough' to handle those matters. How irony can it be, when I truly sucks at it. Truthfully speaking, I'm weak in handling emotions. Especially where domestic and heart matters.

I can't help but to feel that you've changed. I don't even know what's on your mind. What are you planning to do with us, what's your next step, are you just gonna leave things be. I keep wondering, when will you actually DO SOMETHING. Maybe you already did, and it's just that I didn't realise it. Well, how am I supposed to, when I don't even see you. Near yet far.

I can't help but to feel that I'm living in a world of my own. I lost control over them already. No more conversations nor jokes. Much less smiles. I rarely see them smile nowadays. I know maybe they are also feeling the same thing as I do. But I don't want to burden them with these matters, as school is much more important to them, right now. I want to make things right, but I just don't know how to.

I can't help but to keep thinking that, you might have forgotten about me. I know I'm being very unfilial by saying that. I know maybe you have your reasons as to why all these are happening. I'm just disheartened. Everyday, this thing is playing on my mind. Everyday, I'm wondering when will these ever stop. And every single day, I'm hoping that you would call me up and ask about myself. I would love to have those talks with you. Those encouraging talks, advices, the rights and wrongs. And I got to say, that I do miss you scolding me. I just don't hear that any of those anymore.

I can't help but to feel that we're drifting further and further apart. And that, we seem to become strangers. This might sound wrong, but I'm not even sure if you still care or know that I'm still here, living and waiting for you.

I can't do this alone.

Dad, I just want you back. I want the old you back. I just want the four of us, like we've always had, four years ago. However, I know.. This is impossible. I'm just dreaming. It's just a wishful thinking on my part.

My birthday's just a few days away. And I'm not sure as to whether you still remember it or not.

Dad, I really miss you.

2007-09-19T04:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it's that time of the year again. Frankly speaking, I wasn't looking forward to this. Plus I'm kinda scared of the outcome on the first day. I just want to do things as what I planned for that first day, but I doubt the other party will be pleased with it. I don't feel like celebrating the festive day at all. It don't really hold any significance to me anymore, as of now that is.
2 more months before the end of the year. That is also another issue. Things are getting tougher as the day passes by. It's extremely hard to juggle with these stuffs, twirling in my mind. Many thoughts I left unspoken. Good or bad? I just gotta let time decide.

2007-09-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hypocrites. They exists everywhere in the world, don't they? At home, work and even in friends and families. Sometimes, it's just hard to deal with complications, all at one go. Sometimes, even you don't realise that you are being a hypocrite towards yourself and others. Why so? I guess it's due to certain situations.

I'm sorry but I know I am being such a bitch by doing that. But I can't just keep mum about it. Or rather, I cannot take it anymore. People keep coming to me about your wrongdoings and hoping that I could talk some sense in you as I'm close to you. However, I decline to do so cos I jolly well know that I will lose in that battle against you. Why fight something when you know you're gonna lose, right? At first, I just let it be. But up till now, it's getting worse, when it has started to affect me as well. You just don't act like how you should. You ever told me to differentiate between personal and work, but I guess you never reflect on it. I'm seriously sick and tired of this whole bloody thing. And so are others. Maybe yes to you, you don't even care to bother about them anymore. Let them say what they want to. No doubt, that's right. However, this thing is taking a toll on work. However much it affects me, it affects them too.

Maybe you will say that I've changed due to mixing around too much with 'them'. Maybe you'll say that 'they' have influenced and wash my mind about you. Truthfully, yes they did. They opened my eyes and brains as to which is right and wrong, regarding you. Well, in fact you sarcastically mentioned that I'm always with the grown up people hence I no longer listen to you. Like hello, aren't you a grown up yourself? But how come your level of thinking is way too different? Yes, I know different people have different perceptions. You kept telling me to spare a thought for others, and hell yeah, I tried. Thinking back, did you ever spare a thought for me? You are in always in your own world. And in your world, there seems to be only you and her. Is this how things should be if you regard me as your sister, and me regarding you as a brother??

I guess what another brother of mine said is true. I was blind and still am, to have survived and go along with this ridiculous ordeal. Now, you're making faces towards me and never really talk much due to the changes in schedule. Maybe to you it seems unfair. But tell me again, what does fairness really mean to you? I reckon, all in all, I have to put through these, till I find another job.

Plus, do you know that it's seriously amazing to be stuck in between 2 parties? I am always bombarded with lotsa stuffs, while you, in a corner of yours and hers, will only watch, doing nothing. Yes, I don't want history to repeat itself, cos it's really not worth my time at all, but have you ever thought that what you're doing is simply too much? Arguing with you over her. That is not going to get me anywhere plus a waste of time and breath. That's the reason I gave my 'so called' grown up cliques. Hence, I'm washing my hands off this particular situation. Whatever happens, I'm just gonna let it happen. Cos that's how HE wanted it to be.

2007-07-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

It's over. Enough said. I just didn't expect things to happen way too soon, plus a bad turning point at that.

A nice beautiful bond, which ended just like that. And I doubt it'll ever recover.

2007-07-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulilah, everything is fine. As in the results. I was just being paranoid abt that whole damn test thing. But it turns out nothing really serious. Or rather nothing at all. Haha.. However, am still wondering why it still occurs. Maybe it's beyond the scientific explanation.

Work's been fine except for the fact that I dreamt abt the bloody catering thing 2 days ago. Was really exhausted on that day till I brought to my dreams. Nevertheless, the catering's not going to be over till the 29th. Which is a few more days of exhaustion. Heh..

Other than that, I'm just trying to distance myself from a certain someone, but I just can't seem to do it. I have to start doing it now rather than later. Or the effect will be disastrous. Things are going to be damn different soon enough and I would want to face them now. Well, I just gotta see how things will go.

Independent. Freedom. Learn. Responsibility. Relaxed. Enjoy.

That's exactly what I am trying to do right now.

2007-07-12T00:42:00.000-07:00

It's getting worse... I thought it won't happen again, but I was wrong. It occurs again last week and up till now. I just want the blood test results to be out as soon as possible.. So that I know what actually is the problem and so that I won't have ridiculous thoughts. I may act fine, but deep down, I'm kinda worried. Well, hopefully, it's nothing too serious. HOPEFULLY.

Insyallah.

2007-07-04T01:17:00.000-07:00

After listening intensely and understanding the significance of the song, I finally realised that I understood what the past was trying to tell me, 3 years back. Yes, I refused to believe and accept the whole damn truth and situation back then. Cos it happened suddenly. Without any reasons nor warnings, it just happened. The past then disappeared to nowhere. There was this particular day when the past asked me to listen to 2 songs. I thought it was just any other songs the past favoured and wanted to share with me. Boy, I was wrong. Little did I know that there was actually a hidden meaning towards the songs. I couldn't really capture it, at that point of time. But when things turned on a sour note, I began to reflect back.

Even so, I was still denying the actuality.I kept pondering on the mistakes done, whether there was one, or not. Pondering on why it happened. I did not manage to get the answers, up till now. The past was not being clear cut on it. The past just let it go, along with the wind. I battled through those past feelings and I gotta say it wasn't easy. However, I managed to get by and get a grip of myself. Thanks to the ones called FRIENDS. Plus my dearest cousin. All these people made me think twice about the past. They made me stand on my own 2 feet once again. And for that I'm very grateful.

Well, why did I even think of writing the first 2 paras? Haha.. Cos I was listening to those particular songs and that reminded me of the past. Heh..

Anyways,I almost lost myself at work last saturday. Not that it was the first time, but I guess I was just being very, or rather extremely lethargic. With the nonsensical stuffs I have to put up at work, plus the freaking orders and some unreasonable people, I almost gave up. Was feeling very vexed already. A good thing was that brother asked me to stop at 8 and rest. I was so darn happy. Haha.. But all is not over yet, so it seems. Heh.. I still have to endure with these kinda stuffs at work. Not that I hate working there, but sometimes it's just too much to handle. No doubt I have great people with me almost all the time, but these great people also sometimes make my blood go upstairs. Haha.. But I love them all the same. =)

It's JULY already. Yet no changes has been made. I don't know how long more it's gonna take. I've already made a pact to myself. IF all the changes which are supposed to made, is not yet ready by October, I shall take things on my own. Period. It's either here or there. So yeah, I've decided. I know it's wrong if I were to do that, but come on, I'm just sick and tired of these whole charade. If no one is going to make an effort in changing it, then let that someone be ME.

2007-06-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wonder if whatever I've done all these while, is it right? What have I gain so far? What have I lost? Sometimes, when I think back, do I really have to try that hard for something? Just what is my purpose? Just where am I heading to?

Sometimes, to me what I did is just nothing but someone somewhere, will think of it as a mistake done. Sometimes I don't think that I'm twisting stuffs around my lil finger but someone else thinks the other way round.
There will be someone who thinks that I'm meddling with things which I'm not supposed to. There will be someone who thinks that I'm not really old nor mature enough to handle certain stuffs.
There will be someone who'll be going against my methods and means.
There will be someone who thinks that I will always rebel and stick within myself.
Sometimes, I don't think that what I'm doing all these while is unsafe, or rather, unappropriate, but the someone else thinks it is. Get what I mean?

I'm not saying that there is a particular someone, but so far all these while, there will always be a barrier against what I want to do. Okay, maybe at times it's not a 'someone', but just 'something' which will prevent me to proceed on.

It gets harder when FEELINGS are involved. It always does, ain't it. I guess, I should back away and lay low, at least for a while.

Oh anyways, I was soooo very exhilarated when I saw the lil boy. Maybe no longer a boy. I should start calling him 'Young Man'. Haha.. It's been really long. Like what, 2 or 3 years? Since I last saw him? Yeah, that long.. No doubt we do still keep in contact but having to bump into each other just now, it was just GREAT. I just miss him.. My lil boy.. =)

2007-06-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

One moment you were happily talking and joking around. Suddenly, there won't be any moment like that anymore. It's saddening to know that your friend won't be around any longer. All these happpened because HE has rule them out.

I thought he could have survived through the terrible ordeal, but boy I was wrong. How to when he's suffered 70 plus percent of burnt for the whole body. Well, there might be a lil hope, like I thought. But still, the worst happened. All the time we spent has vanished in a moment. Remains are only memories. Nevertheless, I never regret knowing you and adding you in my list of friends. May you have a better life up there. Insyallah.

Semoga ALLAH s.w.t mencucuri rahmatmu, Nizam. Al fatiha.

Amin.

P.s. To all riders, do ride safely and think of your own life, the pillion and also your beloved. The most important thing, NEVER EVER SPEED.

2007-06-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

Was totally drained out during the past week. Barely had a good rest even on off day. Work. That's always on my agenda every single day. Sometimes, I feel it is going way too much, but sometimes when I think back, if I don't spend my time working, what else can I do? Studying is kinda off peak for me right now. Spending time with family? That's a very rare thing to do. Or rather, the hardest.

Someone at work said something which just hits me right in the face, yesterday. I was practically dumbfounded upon hearing that. Couldn't really react to the situation. One word. CONTROL. And when I relate that situation with a brother, he couldn't help but to agree. Was given a preach for about an hour, by that brother. Things seems to be getting tougher and tougher. While as for myself, kept saying that I'll try but nothing seems to be motivating me. Self-motivation is very useless for me. He even suggested that I should try counselling, saying it's good for ownself.

Different people have different types of preception. Some are way too far off, some might be too lenient whereas some others take it as it is. Changing takes a whole lot of time. Some changes are bound to happen and some are forced to change. And of course, there's also the 'no changing' part. It's all up to individuals, no doubt. However, if it's killing you too much till you can barely face it, what's the best choice to make? RESPECT. That's another issue. You find it hard to change certain things due to your respect to that someone, or something. What kind of respect is that called if that person keeps making things difficult for you, he said. That someone is not worth your respect, he added. Being on the fence, without making any decisions, is freaking hard. My mind was on the verge of bursting. Yes, I can close one eye. Well, actually I've been closing one eye of mine for like so long already. If I were to close the other eye, I'm not myself anymore. People would think that I'm crazy so as to handle things peacefully, when they are actually not.

For how long will you be able to hold your respect for that someone you've known for a long time? When you know he/she did something very wrong but he/she don't think that way. Plus you know that he/she will never ever accept any words from you. Are you just going to leave things on the lurch and fend for your own? Or will you turn things around? What if you don't know just what is best for you? What if you need that someone in your life? I was told that certain things are not meant to be kept forever. They have to be thrown away or your own life will be made miserable. How true is that?

"I'm not getting any younger and I should be able to decide for my own. What's right and what's not, What's best and what's worst. Do things slowly and something new will bear out of it.You can never ever stop learning. Always remember to not let others take control of or decide for you. You don't owe them a living. You live your life the way is it. They are just the extras."

That was what I learnt during the preach.

2007-05-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Had a talk with a brother at work with regards to different issues. Experiences, Life, Relationships and Family. Was asking him when is his big day going to be, and well, it's going to be at the end of the year. I don't know why but I just have this mixed up feelings about it. Not that I have any special feelings towards him or what, I solely regard him as my brother and even called him by that. I feel happy but also kinda sad on the other hand.

It's like he is going to be someone's husband soon enough. And I can't really be as close to him like I am right now. No doubt I can still talk to him abt stuffs and all, but I can't always rely on him and burden him with my stuffs. It won't be appropriate anymore. Hmm.. Seems that the people that I'm close to, is slowly drifting away. Maybe only few will stay and be with me throughout my life journey, as qouted by a good friend. Nevertheless, I know they are the ones who I can depend on, be it rain or shine.

This brother, however, did taught me some things in life, which is useful. Even though at times, it's kinda stupid, some of what he said do make sense after all. Well, he has lived far more longer than me, to know what is right/wrong, good/bad for me. I will surely miss him after his marriage. Things won't be the same anymore, that's all I can say.

Looks like this house seems to belong to me only. As it seems that I'm the only permanent resident living here. Be it late at night or wee hours of morning,weekday or weekend, I will come back to this house, in the same condition which I left it, before I'm out to work. It's like as if I'm left to fend for me own. The family bond is somewhat, drifting again. They are on their own, and I'm on mine. Different lifestyles are what we lead. This is one of the reasons why I don't like to be home early. There's simply nothing to look forward to, except the same four walls.

It's just something, unexplainable.

2007-05-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very lousy right now.... Not sure why.. But I guess it's cos the feelings are back, once again. I don't even know whether I want to have this feeling back or not.. I like it but I'm not sure if I REALLY WANT it... Whatever it is, the feeling of lousiness is there. It truly sucks.

2007-05-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

And so I've been tagged.. By the greatest 2/4, Didy.. Thanks eh.. So here you go..
10 random habits, facts abt yourself.

Let's start it off by saying that I don't like to eat rice..No reason why but I just don't like it.. My fave thing to eat is however, cookies. Gimme oreos, chipsmore or other types of cookies, I will surely munch it within mins. Heh.. My fave one gotta be Famous Amos.

I won't be able to sleep peacefully without my Spongebob and Cookie Monster on my bed.

I can hold on for at least 2 days without sleep.

I love to read, be it, magazines, novels, papers..Pass it to me..I'll do the reading for you.

Am rarely at home. Either will be spending time at work, out with colleagues or just somewhere around. Most of the time will only be back once everyone's sound asleep or just about to start their day.

My current life is neither here nor there. No exact destination. I don't plan my day as towhat I'm gonna do today, where I'm going, who I'm gonna meet or what I'm gonna eat. I just do things if I feel like it.

Music. One impt thing to me.

I'm scared of wearing contacts. Ppl have been asking me to try them on. But well, ain't got the guts to. Haha..

Was told by some great mate that I'm cool for a human being. And that my specs looks funky..HAHAHA..Nonetheless, it's the first time that I've someone insane and creepy for a friend. A good friend at that..=)

Whenever I wake up, I won't straightaway have my bath, unless I'm going out. I'll usually wash my face and brush my teeth and then head to the tv, to watch cartoons. Fave one is of course, Spongebob Squarepants. Call me obsessed with him, I don't care.Anyone willing to bring me to the Spongebob event happening in June?? Haha..

So there it is. Is this considered weird didy? Heh.. At least I fulfilled it.. Haha... I don't know who to pass it on, but I surely know there's someone who's more than willing to do this, right Insane partner? Heh.. Enjoy ya.. =)

2007-05-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

Haha.. Am currently on 3 days mc.. Been sick for the whole week last week, until I could hold no longer. All those late night coughs were seriously killing me. Thus, in the middle of the night which was ard 1 plus, called dad to bring me to the doc's. Unfortunately, no doctors were available around my area. Hence, he brought me to the hosp instead. There were so many people there and I had to wait for abt 2 hours before I could finally see the doctor. As usual, it's a throat infection, but this time round it got more worse, as I lost my voice. So been trying very hard to communicate with people around me including my siblings.

Went to workplace last evening to pass my mc. I could only smile and mouthed the word ''sorry" to my manager and one of the workmate, for the last minute notice. Then went off to interchange for a while to look for some stuffs and have dinner. Brought sister along and boy, it was indeed hard to tell her my intentions. I was straining my voice till I could no longer do it. And I took out my phone and texted what I wanted to tell her. That was indeed pathetic.

Celebrated her bdae on Saturday. She's turned 13. Bought her an ice-cream cake. Wasn't much of a celebration though. Was controlling my mood upon reaching there. I just don't understand why.. Sighs.. Well anyway, brother, sister and I had good time, having dinner. Haha.. It's just something which we haven't done for a long time. So yeah..

Watched Spiderman 3 at the Cathay with colleagues on Friday night. Was a pretty cool one. Am a bit touched at the ending. Go catch it if you haven't.. Haha.. Spent the night out and only got home when others are already awake. Had a sleepless night again as I crept to work barely an hour after I got home. Still have the energy though.

Guess I'll only be back to work on Wednesday. Oh yeah, pls try not to call me for these few days ya. Cos even if I answer, you won't be able to hear anything. So yeah, the best is to communicate via sms.. =)

2007-05-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

It doesn't even matter anymore. Certain things are just too hard to handle, much less explain. Whether or not you're home, things don't seem to be of any difference. First, it was only one or 2 days of not talking or seeing each other. Now, it's becoming weeks. It's like as though there's no you anymore in my life. There's just nothing for me to look forward to at home, every single day, be it at night or morning. Most of the time, I'll be alone. Despite having siblings coming back at certain time of the day. Even them. They spend most of their time, over at the other place. So it doesn't matter as to what time I'll reach home or not coming home at all. It's like no one is interested in knowing where I'll be and so on. It's like I'm all alone, in this life. I wonder how long more will this carry on.

We no longer have that long, deep conversation. Even when you're at home, we rarely see each other. You're already sleeping by the time I reach home, or you'll lock yourself in your room. You'll be awake and gone when I just crept to bed. We seem to be drifting further apart. It's like we're becoming strangers. The bond between us ain't there anymore. Tough shit huh.. It's all a world of my own. I make my own decisions, I make my own rules. No doubt it's great, but there's a whole lot more than that. Sometimes, I sympathise with my own condition, but nevertheless, I know there's lots more who are even worse off. Oh well..

Am currently down with fever and bad sore throat. Have become an owl too. Body clock is all jumbled up. Things at work have been fairly good. No doubt there tend to be some scratches, but I guess that's how work life is. I just got to be patient and understand the other party as well. Gotta search for a rather proper job as well. It's time for me to get serious. Not that I'm not serious all along, but maybe more concentration in life. Have to set my priorities right. Gotta throw all those ridiculous feelings and get things straight instead. After all, what goes around comes around. That's what karma's all about. Shall not waste time because of one setback. It's not even worth it.

I will eventually get what's mine, someday. If God's willing.

2007-04-25T01:47:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought he was just using her? The friendship means nothing to him. He talks badly about her to others. Is that what FRIENDS are really for? Maybe she was at fault, for having feelings for him and for believing and trusting him so much. What her brother told her all these while, proves to be true. It was hard to swallow at first. The thought of hating him is so very difficult. Why would mature people even do these kinda things?

The seduction. That very long kiss. That warm hug. It's just too good to be true. She had wanted to be in his arms badly and yes, it did happen for a sheer moment. That point of time, she was unsure of what she was doing and why it was happening. The only thing she knew was both of them had a great time together. His sweetness, his warmth and the security he gave, was all she ever wanted. It was as though they are really a couple. All good things come to an end, eventually.

He vanished after that incident. She was distraught, of course. No calls, no messages. NOTHING. Until one day, it was his birthday. Being a good friend, she remembered it and gave him a birthday message. He replied, saying, the same old "Thanks!", and that's it. One fine night, she bumped into him at a coffeeshop. She was with her colleagues and he was with his mates. All she could do was smile at him. It was as though nothing ever happened between them.

Days, weeks and months passed. She was slowly trying to get rid of him, from her mind. And when she eventually did it, people kept asking her about him. On a peaceful afternoon, while she was sleeping, her phone received a call. It was him. She was pondering on whether to answer or not. Her heart tells her to, but not her mind. Her mind was determined to totally forget about him. And in the end, he hung up. Why, after so long, must he be back? Is he going to use another tactic to lure her out again?

This is enough. She's tired of being the good innocent girl. She's tired of being used by not only him, but also some other people. She's tired of leading this kind of life. All those that have been said and done, she then realise that she is only his one night stand.

2007-03-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

At last.. 2 years is over. No longer a student. No more exams, projects, muggings and all. Well, at least for now. The journey of my education shall take a rest, until I decide to pursue on, which I don't know when. Results will be out in April. Now, I have all the time to myself. Currently am just committing towards the part time job. Am still thinking of what kind of job I really really want.

Suddenly I'm at a lost. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to start. I simply have obtained a blank mind. I just don’t know what to do!! Maybe for a start, I'm going to clean the whole house esp my room. It’s been dusty for like I don’t know how many months already. All my stuffs are messed up all over the room. So yeah.. Shall do that during one of the weekends. But trust me, I am going to procrastinate FOR SURE. Heh..

Other than that, I guess I shall take some time off and let loose. As in do the things I really love, like reading for instance. I managed to borrow a Sandra Brown book from the library and damn!! It felt so great reading. I am always so engrossed in reading; hence at one point of time on the train, when I wanted to alight, I accidentally hit the railing. Luckily no one noticed my foolishness. Lol. Maybe besides reading, I shall also indulge in writing, back again. We'll see how.

Spending the last week of school, doing detention with Yat, Nana and Dee was truly great. We basically sat in sch and crap our time till 3pm. During the last 3 days, myself, Yat and Nana headed to town. Far East to Wisma, Marina Sq the next day and Suntec the last day. It felt really good, spending our last moments.. Just the 3 of us. Like it used to be during the first year. Never did I knew we had to part after all that is done. Yes, no doubt we'll still be hanging out with each other but the feeling is just different. Watching horror movie with Yat, The Scaredy Cat is definitly hilarious! I thought I was the one who's going to scream due to the horror flicks but it turned out otherwise. Heh.. No doubt I hide behind my sweater whenever the scary part comes, but I guess she's worst. She had wrapped herself with the sweater so many times, leaving me alone to watch the movie. Cursing and swearing away in her seat, while I continue telling her what's next. Her imagination is seriously Barney-like, I tell you. Lol. It was indeed an enjoyable time though.

The wisdom tooth pain is acting up again. Can barely chew my food. The feeling of numbness is also there. Boy.. This is such a dread. Other than that, been spending time with the work mates almost everyday. I'm just trying to take my mind of something which is going to happen in a few days time. But no matter how hard I try, it's useless. It's still going to happen anyway. Whether I like it or not. I'm juggling hard in between 2 parties. It's seriously tough to please people, ain't it. All I think about now, is that BIG matter. I am really tired of all these. I don't want things to change after it happens. On the other hand, I won't blame them if treatment-wise is different. I'm praying hard to HIM that everything, practically everything, will all be fine.

"It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be"

2007-02-27T05:22:00.001-08:00

At my cousin's place right now... This kind chap let me borrow his laptop for me to do my stuffs.. Initially thought of doing my project, Frontpage, but he don't have the software.. Sucha pity..

Things have been going rather downhill for me.. School wise, I don't even know whether I'll get to graduate this march.. I might even have to extend for another 6 more months.. All due to lack of attendance.. Simply pathetic.. Mates in school have been filling in poly forms but not me. Dad's been asking wha I wanna do after I'm done with ITE.. I have no answer. I myself am not sure of what I want in for my future. Everything seems complicated. Since I'm here, I'm gonna use this chance to say this out..

To my dear mates (refering to the 11 of us),

I would be lying if I say I never miss the times we had during the first year. The stories we exchanged, the tears we cried, the joy and laughter we shared.. It's seriously one of a kind. You guys are seriously a unique bunch I've ever known. You guys made my ITE life a great one. Yes, mistakes do happen and due to that, things change btwn the 11 of us. Enemies were born from within. I may not know what's the actual reason behind all these, but I hope to make things clear. I am not on anyone's side. All of you are still my friends.. No doubt I hope for the storm to pass and sun shine again, But I know it won't happen. Whatever it is, I just want to thank each and every one of you for all the time and memories spent for these 2 years. I truly appreciate it. I am surely gonna miss you people. Let's spend the last few days of school with beautiful happenings ya...=)

To my SC mates (Jannah, Nana and all those who I'm close with),

Thanks people. I know I've been a rebellious one during the last few months.. Certain things happened hence I changed. I tend to be more 'bo chap' about school esp SC.. Forgive me for that.. But I just can't help it.. I'm still struggling to find my real self.. Whatever it is, thanks a lot for the bond we shared. Memories I will always keep.. May you people find happiness and success in time to come.

Home wise.

It's gonna be official in late march. I don't know how I'm gonna attend it without facing any difficulties. I ever have the thinking of not attending at all and spend time alone outside, but it will obviously be rude. So I guess I'll just present myself and do own stuffs. I can't even imagine of the aftermath. That's gonna be worse, I suppose. Heh.. She is nice no doubt.. But I guess I still need time to adapt. It's already been nearly 6 months now but I just can't seem to. Maybe it'll take years.. See how lah.. Communication btwn me and dad has also been 'decreasing'. Sometimes we don't even see each other for like a few days.. I guess he's also busy thinking about his own stuffs...

Work wise.

Things are doing fine there. Been spending lotsa of time with my working mates.. They are like the sun, the shield, the rain.. Practically almost everything.. No doubt arguments do occur between us, but all are just for a while. They are always the ones I look for when I'm bored, sad, happy and all.. I'm grateful for having them..

28/02/2004
The date which she left us. I'll always remember the day/date she went away. I will always miss you, Dear Mum..

I guess this is all for now..I won't know when I'll be logging in again.. So please take care of yourself people.. Those who I won't be seeing after 14 march, thanks for the friendship created. I will always treasure it..=)

2007-02-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

I will be back as soon as my computer's alive. Meanwhile, get back to me via hp if there's anything.. And I really mean anything at all.. Heh... So yeah.. Take care people.. =)

2007-01-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

Currently in class right now. Just can't be bothered to do the stuffs lah..So it's been 2 weeks of school. 7 more weeks to go. CAs, Test, Projects and presentations coming up.

Computer at home is dead at the moment. Something's wrong with the monitor, I think. Haven't been online for like 4 days already. So contact me on phone if there were to be anything at all. HAHA..Things at work was a bit horrible at one point of time. But everything's ok at least for now. Other than that, am just getting ready and feeling all pressurised for the course I'll be going for in a week's time. I just don't have the confidence at all. Been spending more time with the work mates during weekend. What else? There's really nothing more to say here, actually. Heh..

Home wise have been the same. Never been 'better'. Like what I told myself, I guess I'm really doing it. Which is not to bother about this whole stuff anymore. I just take it as it is. I'm only left with abt 2 months time before EVERYTHING changes. Even still, I've already made some plans after IT has taken effect. What will be will be. So no point wasting my time.

Another thing. I'm slowly taking my time to FORGET THE WHOLE DAMN SOMETHING/SOMEONE. I got like 2 years to do so. Now, am changing my off days due to a certain something/someone. Can't seem to face 'it' cos it'll remind me of something/someone. I guess that something/someone is
REALLY NOT WORTH IT.But still, I continue thinking abt it. For the LOVE people say. Rigghhttt... How stupid..Well, I will miss that very much though..But life has to go on ain't it..No matter what, I have to accept the fact that something/someone is interested in 'it'. How cool...And how uncool of me as to not realised it sooner. Lol..Complicated lah..Been 3 years..And still counting..And I guess I'm better off this way. =)

There's nothing else for now. Sleepy already. Teacher's entertaining or rather teaching herself currently. Heh..Have a nice day then!

2006-12-31T23:55:00.000-08:00

So, been missing out on here a lot, haven't I..Anyway, SALAM AIDILADHA and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all. One more week left before school reopens. Dreadness coming back. Well, been spending almost every single day at work. From evening till 3 am in the morning. Never fail to hang around with the colleagues after work. Release boredom. No one's at home anyway. So I don't see the point in returning home early when I know I'll be alone, every night. Might as well I waste my time away with friends, even though we talk nonsensically sometimes. Work's been great as usual despite the fact that the orders were like water flowing, especially during the Christmas eve, Christmas itself, NYE and still to come. Tomorrow. New Year itself. Gotta be prepare for the 'battle'. Heh.

Ok now, totally different case. I still don't understand what is his motive. Being nice and mushy and all those goody-goody stuffs then being rude, harsh and acts like a freaking jerk at times. It's been a year yet I still couldn't manage to understand him. As in WHO/WHAT is the REAL HIM. I just find it hard to trust. Yes, no doubt I was jealous when I got to know that story from my brother. Boy, I was just as shocked. And I almost spilled the beans over to him, last night. And we almost fought. But things returned calm when he started to smile and laugh again. And I don't know what is fucking wrong with me when even after all the harsh/stupid words he spouted, even though it's meant as a joke, I will still apologize at the end of the day. That was what I did last night. And yes, true enough, I've been living a lie all these while. I didn't really mean what I said abt him. My good friend expected it already so there goes all the nagging and stuffs...It's hard indeed..But well, he's going to serve the nation next week. No doubt I'm gonna miss him damn much, but I guess it's for my own good too. Heh..

As for family wise, I guess that's it. I'm washing my hands off, with regards to that matter. Simply put, I'm giving up. I don't want to interfere anymore. I just don't understand nor know what's the freaking plan and what things are gonna be like. I've had enough of asking and helping..And yes, told Dad that it was super duper hard for me to accept the whole damn thing. It may be easy for my siblings but not for me. I merely spouted the truth cos I could hold on no longer. I'm tired of waiting abt what's gonna happen and stuffs..Very irritating lah..

Haven't been meeting up most of my regular friends due to shortness of time. Am really sorry abt that. Will make it up to you people as soon as possible. Hmms...What else...

Some people have been asking me what's my new year resolution. Frankly, I've none. And to me I don't think it's important. To each it's own, of course. Certain friends have like those simple yet tough ones. Like quit smoking/drinking/clubbing..Some is to get a license..And all other sorts of resolution. But as for yours truly, nahs...I just live the year as it is. All I care right now is to buck up on my freaking attendance and graduate in 2 months time. I wouldn't want to stay in that school for another year anymore, hence this is the time for me to improve..Haha..Like real..

I guess I'll be back some other time...Meanwhile, ENJOY YOUR 2007!!! =)

2006-12-17T23:29:00.000-08:00

The time which I've been waiting for is FINALLY here...3 weeks..In that same period, I'll be slogging my time away at work. Cos there's practically nothing for me to do at home except sleeping and onlining, which I always do after work. So yeah..Gonna earn myself some bucks..

Work life has been fairly good. One new familiar face at work. Well, on the other hand, I feel like I'm in the middle, btwn a manager and a friend. As much as I want to help that friend of mine, I have to understand my manager's position also. Seriously, I don't want to disappoint either yet it seems nothing can be done to attend to both party. Gosh..Stucked I am..Another matter is weighing on my mind currently. Gotta attend this special course which I MUST pass. It will occur in abt a month's time. I really got loads of stuffs to learn and remember. Plus take it into practice. I could not let anyone esp my brother cum Supervisor or Manager down. Am already feeling the pressure. Very very tense.

Home wise. I still can't convince dad about not moving house. Everything's gonna change in a matter of 2 months time. My whole life will be affected. Good or bad, I can't predict. Hopefully, it's gonna be GOOD. Still hard to say lah...Tsk..Dad told me not to worry nor think too much, but I can't help not thinking abt it EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

Social life is getting lesser and lesser each day. It's always the same old thing again and again. Work to home. Home to work. Which I think is ok, at least for now. Living my own life. Been 3 years living it like this. Am enjoying as much as I can even though at times, it can be a real agony. Heh..Maybe it's just not the time yet..Haha..Yeah right..!!!

Anyway, to Darling Nana, I'm glad you took that path. Good that you've moved on..Very happy for you. May all be well always and tresure every moment spent ok..? I wish you all the best!! =)

I'm scared that the old 'thing' might come back again. I don't wish to go through it again unless it's a real SERIOUS thing this time round. Haiss...

2006-12-07T01:34:00.000-08:00

Problems arising between friends now. Could not agree with each other, no longer understand nor need each other. No longer talk. No longer share things with each other. Throwing faces at each other. No more laughters or smiles. The close friendship bond which was once there, simply vanished into thin air. I wonder why. Why this had to happen only now and add to the problems I'm having...It's just one after another.

"TO COMPARE AND TO LOSE HOPE."

2006-12-04T23:43:00.000-08:00

Finally, I've blurt it out. Almost felt like crying just now. But I forced back the tears. Told Dad almost everything about it. Even mentioned the exact word which I've been feeling. He said he understands and knows how I've been feeling. Not that I doubt him, but it's still kinda unclear. It's just so hard to have an adult to adult talk with him, without the siblings interfering. Damn!

Now, all I have to do is to muster the strength and courage to talk to 'them'.

Things are so much difficult than I thought.

2006-12-02T01:20:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would like to thank Aini and Hana, for being there when I was in Mrs Heng's office, the other day. Not only that, I really appreciate your concern about me and other stuffs. Yes, no doubt it's hard to handle but I guess at that moment of time, my mind was in a super mess hence THAT decision. After the talk with her, I guess I gotta change my thinking and yeah, what she said was indeed true. Be it or be it not I something-something, that particular thing will still happen and life still has to go on. Dearest Aini and Hana, thanks for bringing me back when I was already on the verge of 'surrendering'. I will try to stay strong for as long as I can cos after all I'm only a human with weak feelings.

It's already December. End of the year. 2 more weeks to holidays and abt 3 more months to graduation. That 3 more months can be a living hell for me, though. I am already struggling hard enough for the days passing by, what more 3 MORE months!! I have to keep telling myself to endure, endure and endure. Tough, it's gonna be. What shall I do after grad? Work, of course. As to whether I continue studying or not, will consider about it later. Like what and how it's always been, School's a drag. But without it, you can't live in here. Certificates are vital in Singapore, so it seems.

2nd December. HER birthday. She would have turned 48 this year.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM.

The change has already happened. Though it's not an official thing yet, it has still happened. And sadly, I'm not really satisfied with it but jealousy took over me instead.
I'm at my wits' end, STILL.

2006-11-24T15:03:00.000-08:00

So it's done. Sister has got back her PSLE results, which I'm pretty proud of. Was utterly surprised when I saw my sister's name on the powerpoint slide which the principal was showing, in the hall. Well, she emerged as one of the Top Student for her Em3 cohort. Upon seeing that, I was exhilirated and sorta shouted for my dad cos at that point of time, me and dad were kinda separated due to the massive crowd. Without realising it, tears nearly fell down my cheeks. In fact, my aunt was already tearing when she saw my sister's name too. I then heaved a huge sigh of relief cos I know that my sister managed to clear the first step of the hurdle. I'm sure mum would have been very proud and happy for her, if she was still living. Nevertheless, I'm sure she's feeling that way up there too.

Mum, sister is now going on a different stage of life. Secondary School life that is. She's becoming a teenager. I'm sure you know how teenager lead their life right? Well, I was once there and I know you had a hard time nurturing me to become a good teen. Now that it's sister's turn, I'm feeling scared and nervous yet delighted for her. She's growing up. Dear Mum, please look after her and also after us. The whole family. We really miss you. Am now just waiting for the school results as to which school she'll be posted to. Hopefully, the ones which she wanted or those near our living area. Insyallah.

Anyway, the crappy partner has gone to HK for a few days. I seriously thought her flight is gonna be next week, when in fact it was actually at 11am just now!! How silly of me to forget that!! She gave me an email before leaving cos we could not get through each other on msn last night. I cried while reading that. Was in school having CDP lesson, mind you. Her content was simply touching hence the tears. Even though she did insert some humor, it did not help much. It's such irony on how we became really good friends when we rarely see or talk to each other in school. Well mate, that's how life is huh. Too many ironical matters. I'm glad to be your friend, even though you drive me nuts sometimes. Shall be waiting for you next week then. Have a safe journey through and fro ya. I miss you too!! =)

Am still worried for granny's condition. I know it's not gonna be for long but losing her will obviously change things. No matter what, I could just pray and hope that she'll hold on for as long as she can.

2006-11-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

I've forgotten what I'm supposed to blog about but here's one on my mind. Didn't intend on attending the SC grad party for the Nitec Students at first, however, during sch hours, my few fave nitec people were like asking to go plus the rest from my lovable batch. Well then, I decided to go home and change even if it means getting back to sch later in the evening. However, things went a different way when I was called by my cousin saying that my granny is seriously sick. Was super shocked of course. Wasn't in a right state of mind at that point of time. Am just scared that the worst will happen.

Dad then fetched me at Bishan. Hurriedly went home, changed and got to my cousin's place. Simply cried upon seeing my granny's condition like that. She could not talk and she was behaving very awkwardly. It's like, it's not her at all. I was really really scared that time. I was already imagining things. Then, more weird things started to happen. My aunt's nephew from the other side then arrived and said some prayers. Which then caused my granny to suddenly fall flat on her bed. For a moment I thought that was the end. But Thank God, she's still alive. Everything seems to be ok. At least for now. I just hope that whatever was in her and whoever did that to her, will get it's ample retribution. Btw, I would like to apologize to those who were expecting me to be present for the party yesterday, for not being able to attend in the end. To Haziq, Liana, Syirah, Aini, Nana, Jannah, Faisal plus the organisers Shariman and Eunice, am deeply sorry about the whole thing. =(

Life's been fairly ok. School's a dread, as always. Attendance is simply atrocious. Tried motivating myself but it didn't turn out good. Will always end up in bed after the alarm sounds. Been missing out a lot on school modules. Projects and more of it coming. Date dues soon. Still, can't seem to bother much about it. Been having people nagging/scolding at me for not going to school. Can't seem to care much about SC stuffs either. Am simply not interested. I don't know why.

Yes, some may say that I'm not the same person as last time. I agree to that. I'm not the old NISA you people knew. What brought about the changes, you guys might wonder? Well, am not too sure myself. It's like I'm living this life hypocritically. Am a different person: in school, at work and at home. Each places has its own way of how I'm supposed to be. People knew me as a loud, cheery, bubbly and jovial girl. However, I'm now getting comments that I'm not talking much, no longer mingle around with people, rarely see me smile, what more laugh. People are asking what's wrong with me. I will just repeat the same thing; Nothing.

There's always a certain time whereby someone goes through a huge change in themselves, right? I guess this is mine.

Family wise. Things are beginning to portray differently. I sometimes feel left out even in my own family. Not that my siblings and dad don't share stuffs with me, it's another thing. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or over sensitive about it. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Either way, I'm know that I'm not really feeling good accepting the whole thing. Am seriously vexed over it. It's gonna happen sooner or later, so why not now? I just want to get it over and done with. I just want to stop thinking about it again and again. It's really tiring. Urgh!!

Anyways, sister's getting her PSLE results tomorrow. Wonder how she'll fare. Time flies fast indeed. She's going into her teenage years soon enough. If only SHE was still here. Guess this is it.

2006-11-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, had a talk abt LOVE, RELATIONSHIP and SEX after our lessons. Upon hearing this topic being brought up by the panel speaker, I was immediately turned off by it. I felt like just walking out of the auditorium and head home. Sadly, I can't. So yeah, was stucked abt an hour in there. There they were talking abt what does LOVE actually mean, what's the difference btwn LOVE, LUST and INFATUATION. How important communication and spending QUALITY TIME when being in a relationship. Lastly, how SEX is not the MAIN FACTOR in a relationship.

There were some truths in what they talked about according to their experiences. I don't deny that I have been in that situation before years back. Wasn't a nice thing, though. So wouldn't want to recall those horrid moments. Heh..What attracts me most was towards the ending whereby the woman speaker said something which goes, "Live a lie- take as though the relationship did not matter/happened at all". That struck my mind.

Why? Cos that was just what I did after that whole incident happened last time. I pretended that the relationship did not occur at all. And it was just a wishful thinking on my part. I lied my way through those past few months. Reality hurts, no doubt. Up till now, I have not gotten the exact answer as to why IT ended, SILENTLY that is. I used to urge the past to tell me the reason but days, months, years..Nothing came out. So I guess the past has his reasons not to tell me or maybe I just should not bother myself with it after all. Well, I did. People around me had a hard time telling me off, advising, brainwashing my mind and stuffs.

I guess I was too naive back then to know what's the real meaning of LOVE. Maybe it was just LIKE. A crush thingy. Or maybe it's an INFATUATION. Now, being a year away from adulthood, I'm beginning to understand and see things in a different perspective. I'm beginning to accept things which I could not last time. But one thing for sure, which my very good friend has to keep reminding me, is that I should create opportunities, for others but most importantly, for myself.

Here's something which I took during the talk.

And this is just when you're bored at home with no plans at all.

Till then, I'm finally back to work later in the evening after 4 days of no work. =)

2006-11-04T03:03:00.000-08:00

Seriously, I don't know what are you thinking about at times..You can be an asshole and a jerk sometimes, and also a very very nice guy at another time. Just what is it that you are tryna potray??!!! I seriously have not gotten the answer as to your changes. You seem to be a totally different person now. You were not like this back then. Fine if you've a girlfriend, but do you think I give a damn?? Even so, you should not treat me this way. One moment you're sucha smooth talker and talks nicely, while another moment you can just burst into anger and shout and talk rudely and be rough to me. WHAT THE FUCK??!!! On the phone, you're oh-so-yourself. But when we meet, it's like a totally different you. I seriously don't understand why you have to act this way. Your language when on the phone and when at work is super different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being used. Being used by YOU. You will only come to me when you need help hence will be nice to me. If not, you treat me like I'm not your friend. Like come on!! I'm beginning to hate you even more. It's like how happy I am to see you, it's that same amount of hatred when you treat me like this. How can you be a jerk and nice guy at the same time, I wonder? And why does this kinda treatment always happen to me and not others??
YOU ARE JUST NOT YOU ANYMORE...I'm growing tired of your nonsense day by day. Still, I don't know why I still persists in helping you whenever you need help. Still, I don't know why I think of you sometimes. Still, I don't know why just looking at you could bring a smile to my face. I don't understand you, your character/behavior and your nonsense.
MOST OF ALL I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF. WHY MUST SHITTY THINGS HAPPEN, I WONDER.

2006-10-31T18:07:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would like to apologize to the people who thinks that I've shunned you guys away by not mixing/talking/and keeping to myself most of the time. You guys have done no wrong whatsoever so don't worry. I'm currently having the BIGGEST PROBLEM which involves my future and my entire life. I'm not ready to really talk about it as I think it's not really something to be proud of( or is it?). Well, I'm still finding the answer. This whole predicament is taking myself down. I keep thinking and thinking, regardless of day or night, at work or in school and even in my sleep.

I don't want to be a hypocrite to myself(which I think I already am) about this whole matter. I want to MEAN what I say. As in really really mean and support it. I gave the support but it seems that I can't accept the whole thing, just yet. Everything is just TOO SUDDEN. Having new people in your life suddenly changes everything. Practically every SINGLE THING. Living situation, financially, my night life etc. I'm not sure whether I can still do what I'm doing right now in the coming future or not. I don't want anything to change. I mean I'm fine this way. Being like this is perfectly just right. Close friends told me that I'm supposed to give chances and adapt to changes, and that time will play its part. I don't want to feel restricted later on in life. Even though the freedom I have now is not really much, I'm content with it. Getting home in the morning around 2 or 3 is kinda norm for me during the weekends. I don't want this particular thing to be disallowed or whatever you called it. The most important thing of all is I DON'T WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE CURRENT LIVING PLACE. My work place is nearby, my relatives lives around the area, I can just walk back home from the coffeeshop I frequent till morning, my dearest brother lives nearby too. Practically, I've grown attached to this place. It'll be sucha turning point if I were to ever move. This WHOLE THING is super tough. There's just TOO many factors to think about but I just don't dare to speak my mind. I don't want to disappoint nor do I want to rebel against anyone. Siblings seems to be happy about the whole thing. Looks like they are looking forward to it. But not me.

Totally different story now.

Timetable's changed. No more lessons till 4. The latest is 3. And the earliest is 12. HRA is getting sucha dread. And as usual, will try to sleep even though I'm right in front. Cannot take it lah, just 2-3 pages alone, he will take more than 2 days to teach. Wahlau eh...Can pengsan sia..AOA is beginning to be a lil interesting for me. Maybe lah. Sometimes will just give up and surf the net when I don't understand what she's talking about, and will then make it up by asking mates around me. Heh..MKT. Another interesting module. Projects coming up soon. Gotta make plans for it already. Might be doing it individually?? Cos some of my grp mates have signed up for the MasterCard thingy. Well, everything is not confirmed yet though.

Things in school are taking on a totally different toll now. Tension seems to be getting higher/bigger/whatever lah. There's just no more US anymore. Everyone seems to be heading their own ways. I blame no one. Maybe they have their reasons for doing so. And for whatever reason it may be, I respect it. No doubt I may not know the WHOLE story, but I know being in the situation itself is seriously dreadful. Some may put on a calm and happy front when in fact, their hearts and minds are rocking like hell. Truth is, I'm not really used to the tension after a yr plus being together and stuffs. Laughters, stories, smiles are not being shared anymore. Well, I guess I too have to start leading my own way somehow. It's just a wonder and irony on how US used to be so close yet so far now. Just due to some misunderstandings?? Well, maybe to me it's not really a HUGE thing but to them maybe it is. Hence, I shall now take myself off from it. No matter what, both sides are still my friends. They used to be the ones cheering, motivate and help me during those times. Memories are all that remains.

Enough of all these. Hana, get well soon ayte. Am sorry that your Raya wasn't a wonderful one. Well, mine wasn't either. It has not been any for the past 4 years. Next year might be different however. Gosh..I can't imagine IT happening.

Till then, Assalamualaikum.

'The only certainty is life is death. It's a certainty, it's the one condition of living that we're given but we often let it tear us apart'.

2006-10-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

Firstly, condolences to my dearest cousin on losing his chinese grandma earlier. Sorry to hear that, cuz. Will see you soon ayte.

Anyway, life back in school. Everyone was practically so happy to see each other back on the first day but not yours truly. There were smiles everywhere not forgetting hugs too. I didn't feel the same way however. Timetable for this term is ok except for Tuesdays and Thursdays where there's long hours. 8-4. Goodness. So first week of school was barely fine. Was already absent for 2 days in a row. Due to some stupid cramp in the stomach. Btw, congrats to the newly elected councillors. People like Syirah, Intan, Iman, Imran and the rest lah. All the best in venturing councillor's life for the next 1 and a half years. =)

I had this thinking in mind. That is to quit school. Yes. My heart is just not there anymore. I don't have any interest in school anymore. People have been telling me that it's only 4 more months to graduation, just endure. Gosh. That 4 more months is horrendous for me. I told one of my brother about it and the answer she gave was, "I'll slap your face if you were to do that!". Sighs. So what should I do now? Yes, no doubt I attend the lessons, but my mind and heart is just not there. It's either I doze off or stare blankly at the pages. Not that I don't understand what's been taught(well, maybe some I really don't understand), but it's just simply gone. I mean, the spirit to study is not there anymore. Maybe cos of the surroundings? People around me? Environment? I think the bottom of it is, JUST MYSELF. I don't dare tell dad about this for fear that he'll shout at me. Heh..Guess I have no other options but to stay put.

Siblings have been helping out at
THE ONE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAME's house, for the past 3 days. And they spent almost half a day there and will only be back around 2 plus in the morning together with dad. It's not that I don't wanna go there, it's just that I'm not ready yet. So, I spent my night away at this particular coffeeshop I frequent, together with my mates and brother. Chit chat, laugh and make lame jokes till 2 or 3. Been going home at that kinda time for like the whole of my holidays. Today's an exceptional. Was pretty tired and sleepy after cleaning up my room in the evening(cos I woke up ard 3 plus?), like FINALLY. Hence, dad said, "Aha! Finally, your room's all done huh..". Heh..

Oh yeah, 13th of Oct. Breaking of fast with the old people. However, this time with an extra someone. Someone from our past. Our sec 1 mate who went to another school the next year. So yeah..Almost the 7 of us haven't been in touch with her for the past 6 years. So can you imagine how I was during that period??!! I was practically half quiet. Just talk when necessary. When Khai and gang came, then I was my usual self. But not for long. Then tense came back when HE came. Was tryna avoid any eye contact with him throughout. Then had this lil bdae celebration, together along with Muz and HIM. Well, everything was indeed well planned by Khairul, my dear friend. Thanks a lot brother. Appreciate it very very much. And yeah, I can't confirm my presence for the raya outing on the 4th. Seriously sorry.

2 days ago, the good friend at work told me something, which set me thinking up till now during our msn conversation. Just a week ago, we had this misunderstanding online, and I cried during that whole convo. Whatever he said just pricks into my inner self. Since then, I became kinda emotional. Couldn't control my tears. They will just fall when I watch tv, lying on my bed, listening to some musics and sometimes when talking to friends. Absolutely weird it is. I am becoming more sensitive and emotional nowadays. I still can't find the reason and who that person my friend is referring to. My instincts tell me that it's the man himself. I could not afford to lose him. He has taught me just so many things, about life especially.

This is tough.

Ramadhan's ending, Raya's coming. I'm not ready for it. Am not looking forward anyway. The only thing I'm looking forward for is to visit mum, at her tomb that is. I miss her badly. Raya's gonna be pretty much the same; stay at cousin's house till evening then go visiting the elderly on dad's side. Though it's supposed to be a joyous occassion, it won't be for me.

Not sure when I'll be back updating. So in advance,

SALAM AIDILFITRI MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

2006-10-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

A birthday which wasn't like a birthday...Stayed home the whole day, sleeping in, watch tv, get online, did some reading. Just like any normal day. Nevertheless, spent time with family the day before. Got this cake which was made by a someone in the future. Was pretty nice though. Very creative he is. Appreciate it very much. Many many thanks to the future someone.

Well, on the strike of midnight, sms came in and there goes the usual wishes. Via msn too. Yat, the crappy partner also wasn't left out. She did something which made me start off with laughing but ended up crying. It was seriously very touching indeed. Very cute and very creative. Haha...THANK YOU SO MUCH MY DEAR FRIEND. I shall patiently wait for the wrapping paper ayte..Lols..

Work was superb just now. The good friend at work told the people there abt my big day yesterday. Hence, my dear dear manager of all, got some plan. Once it was 10pm, and while I was washing some stuffs, the good friend grabbed me by the arm and carried me to this spot. There, good friend, manager and another accomplice tied my hands and legs. Tried to break free but they were too strong for me. Just imagine lah..3 guys and I'm alone. They seriously have such enormous strength. Was practically cursing and swearing at them. My shoe on the other hand, kept coming off. Super irritating. Then they carried me outside, like I was some kind of prisoner and on the grass, laid me down. Was showered with buckets filled with eggs, flour and water. So fresh!! Even went to the extent of shouting, 'Rape!', when my manager puts his legs on my back which made me hard to breathe. Haha...Thinking back and watching the video, it was indeed hilarious. Tried getting back at them but gave up as I was tired with the struggling earlier on.

Now, both my arms are in pain. A small spot of blue black can be found too. Immediately cleanse myself upon reaching home. Can't stand the yuckiness. Heh..

A totally different story now.

School's starting next week. In fact in less than 4 days. 16th. I'm not ready for school. Never ever was anyway. Back to the duties, events, rules and regulations, lectures and classes. Gotta get another new mask. This time with more colourful designs. Oh boy!

Am currently hooked to this book which I bought 2 days ago. Cecelia Ahern-Where Rainbows End. It's simply fantastic!! The storyline is great. I could imagine it happening in my own life. Very life related. Like for once, I stopped buying those investigative Sandra Browns, but instead Love/Friendship/Life stories. How irony. Cos I used to find these kinda books a bit boring and no 'kick'. Now, now..My view has changed.

'Our life is made up of time. Our days are measured in hours. Our pay measured by those hours and our knowledge is measured by years.'

'Just when you get used to something, zap! It changes. Just when you begin to understand someone, zap! They grow up.'

Now what?? Life..Ain't easy after all..Well, who said it was anyway? Hack..

2006-10-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

Fasting month has been great so far...Am either breaking fast with dad and siblings or work mates...It's the same old again..Work and home. Been kinda shagged for the past few days due to long hours at work. Well, what more can I do besides working..Heh..Am not ready for the big day however. Haven't start to spring clean, haven't decide on what to wear or buy...There's just so much for me to do and it's not like I don't have time for it, but it's just that I don't want to spend the time doing it. All I do when I'm not working is sleeping in till evening, get online and watch tv. I don't even go out and spend time with friends or hang out at the malls nowadays.

Old mates suggested on breaking fast outside on the 13th in conjuction with some bdae celebrations. Same thing with the some of the SC mates, but on the 9th. Haven't decided on the venue and time and who's going yet. I don't bother much abt the 9th though. It's the one on the 13th that I'm thinking abt. I don't know if I should really present myself or not. Even though I yearn to see the OLD US again..The 8 of us that is. I'm sure it's gonna be wonderful with all of us back together, but it's tough for me. As much as I want to go, it's also that much I don't want to. Oh boy...

Anyway, dearest friend from the US called me the other day when he was in SG for transit. How exhilirated I was upon hearing from him. Was practically shouting on the phone with him. How I miss him. He'll be back here next May. Still long. It's irony on how I miss those overseas yet I don't miss the ones locally, though I haven't been meeting for ages.

Yat, the crappy partner is looking forward to school, which is so unbelievable!! Why? I asked her so. And she said she can't wait to see me. How touched!! =) Lols. Even though we spend almost every night online, you still miss me dearly huh...HAHA...How's results? Heh...I didn't even remember abt it till you mentioned. She's sooooo nervous abt it and was wondering how can I be so calm abt it. Seriously, results gonna be out on 4th, as said. I don't feel a thing. AT ALL. I'm not worried. I'm not nervous. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE. I SHOULD BE. I don't know why I don't feel anything about results. I'm not even thinking if my GPA were to fall, if I were to fail my modules.

Been feeling listless everyday. I can't find the cure yet. The reasons. Oh heck..The "CAN'T BE BOTHERED" attitude has already been instilled in me. Seriously, I seem to give up on certain things.

SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG WITH ME, SOMEWHERE.

There is a part of me
That feels I am different from everyone else.
Something that I can't quite see,
Something that I can't quite feel
Something so unreal.
But this 'thing' is always there,
This 'thing' with others,
I will never share.
So I push it to the back of my mind,
All the thoughts of boys and clothes
And make-up, it is hiding behind.
Sometimes, when I have almost forgotten,
It comes back with such ferocity,
Angry and unforgiving.
I feel so lost and sad,
Whatever caused this feeling
Must have been so horrible and bad.
A lost memory or something else,
I'll never know,
Whatever it is,
I know for sure,
I can never let this feeling show.

2006-09-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

Work was pretty hectic just now with only me and Jeff doing the orders. No doubt received some help from a few of them, but it was only for a while lah..They also got other things to do. Lotsa orders today, practically lotsa large ones. Kept stringing and stringing for like abt 2 hrs. Was on my two feet the whole day and only sat when there's no orders. Supposed to finish at 9, but I can't bare to see Jeff do closing alone. So stayed on and helped him in whichever area. Got myself a few cuts and burns, which is already a norm. Now, my right hand is kinda cramped. Tmrw working opening. 8 in the morning. Gosh, I gotta force myself to wake up that early. Plus, it's the fasting month already. In abt 3 hours time, will be having the pre dawn meal, but I doubt I'll be eating. I don't usually even wake up for the pre dawn meal. I will only take a sip of water, say some prayers and back to sleep. And that will go on for the whole of fasting month. Heh..News is that I gotta break fast at the Aunt's place and I'm EXPECTED to be there. Will try to get away from work ard 6 if possible. Hopefully.

When at work, talked to Idris. Abt lotsa stuffs. Basically abt life. Know him a lil bit better now. Was talking to him abt the situation I'm currently in. Am just damn confused. I don't know whether to accept it openly(like he asked to) or in another manner. Of course I was delighted to know the news at first. Cos it's been also quite some time. On the other hand, I'm kinda scared. Scared to be in a new environment, new condition and stuffs. I'm sure there's bound to be complications sooner or later. Asked him whether I'll be in the wrong if I were not to accept it wholly and he said I'm to give blessings instead. He said things might go a better way. Which I certainly hope so. Insyallah. Talk abt some other crappy stuffs also, which well, kinda made me feel at ease even during this point of time, whereby I'm very stressed out. Around 10, he made a move, wished him a safe ride home and I continued with the closing.

Totally shagged by then. Just did whatever I could and in the end, Jeff ended his closing earlier than mine cos it seems that I really did whatever I could, without waiting for other people. He waited for me and we walked home together. A 15 min walk alone and having company is indeed totally different. Was glad that he changed his mind abt taking a bus and went with me. Heh..Now, here I am, waiting for dad to come home from work. Guess will be taking a short nap before waking my brother up for the pre dawn meal.

Till then..

To all Muslims, SELAMAT BERPUASA.

2006-09-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

Holiday's been great...Waking up in the afternoon is much more greater. Without having to worry abt school and attendance. Heh..Miss the detention period though..Hahahah...The people esp..Immi, Dee, Nurul and the rest..Signing that 'form' thingy..Haha..Well, will try my best to buck up in the upcoming semester lah ok..Will try..Heh..Exams results? I don't even know when will it be out..Don't even bother to find out anyway. Lols.

Currently having a bad flu and high fever. Been taking different types of medication. Took the panadol cold relief at work with Pepsi just now. Boy, it kinda help tone down a bit. Should do that more often. Heh..Nights have been the same old routine. Work, online, read book and will only turn in when it reaches 3am. Been chatting with the same old person also. Yat, the faithful partner. All those nonsensical talks and deep deep talks..Hahaha...

What can I say abt work..? No doubt it's not the same as Bedok, but over at Tnt also has it's interesting stuffs. Meaning, can slack around more and the environment is not too busy. As for the political matters at work, I have no say in it as I ain't the manager. I can only vent my anger on my dear manager and the close mates there. I don't really like to shoot people off unless I'm left with no choice. One of the riders cum new found friend, advised me on these working stuffs. Appreciate it very much and will try to ignore as much as possible. But sometimes, you know..It really gets on my freaking nerves. I don't understand how some people can be so freaking free when the rest are so busy...You are working hard whereas some are just shaking legs. Is that fair?? Well, all I can do is just stand and do my own stuffs. Trying hard not to bother myself abt them as much. But then again, it's different everywhere you go. Different type of people you meet and different type of attitudes. Can't just stick to the old ones.

I miss the working environment at Bedok though. The staffs there esp. Adha the Joker cum Brother, Fadzil the Lord Voldermort, Shu yun and Shu shan, Botak, Ramdan my fave guy, Ghafur the patient guy, Auntie Soh, Jason and of course the Ong Bak, Maung. Been with most of them for the past 1 yr. Am always in laughter when with them, not saying that in Tnt I don't laugh lah..But it's just different. Different treatment I mean.

Enough abt work. This holiday I have no plans on going out. Am just lazy lah. Plus need to start on spring cleaning. Which I don't know where and when to start. I'm just super lazy to do all that..Siblings are busy with exams and I'll be alone to do those stuffs. Dad busy working..I kinda suspect something abt him but I don't wanna think deeper into it lest it turns out wrong. Heh..Guess will do all those stuffs only when the Hari Raya is nearing..I'm always the last minute person..And the last minute stuffs will turns out nice..Hahaha..Am planning to bake 2 types of biscuits for Raya but not sure what. Currently collating different types of them and choosing a few. Been asking the good friend abt the Air Khatirah recipe from his mum too..Wanna try do it myself. But dad will always without fail, buy it from outside for me. My favourite mah..

Till here then..Au revoir.

2006-09-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

I almost forget to congratulate one of my fellow friend. She used to be my manager back at bedok even though it was only for a while. Now she's posted to JP..Miss her very much. Anyway, Congratulations on your wedding dearie!! May you be blessed with happy marriage with your spouse ayte. Feel very happy for you on that day. Me and Aqil just could not believe that you are already married.
Gonna miss spending time and slacking around with you...No more kopitiam talks, playground chit chats or Meteor Garden craziness..Hehe..Someday, we will visit you at JP ok? Must give us free hor...Lols..I like the 'pelamin' with the chandeliar(sp?).. And also the cupcakes I think..Haha..Very NICEEEEE!!!

Something very funny happened to one of the escort guy from the guy's side during that time. That particular rider accidentally over exceed and didn't brake on time hence hitting one of the metal poles of the shelter. Thus, breaking his mirror or something..But I'm sure I saw something from his bike, break into pieces. HAHAHAHA...Funny moment. Maybe he was too excited on his friend's wedding lah..Lol..Lucky there was no pillion(sp?) on him...The whole event was very 'kecohrable'. Could see the nervousness on both the spouses. Sucha wonderful marriage also.

'

HAPPY NEWLY WEDS, FARIZA!!!!! HEART YOU MANY2..!!! =)

2006-09-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

Finally, back here. And finally, the worst is over..Well, apart from the results that is. Heh..Tps was rather fine, it was do-able. OA was urm...Not bad either. Except for the fact that I forgot some points which was exteremely impt and has the highest mark. Oh heck..It's done. May I get at least a pass in this. I don't want to repeat and stressed myself with the 16 chapters again.

IT'S THE HOLIDAYS PERIOD!!!!

The one I've been "patiently" waiting for..Heh..

So now comes the working part, sleeping late and waking up even later, slacking around. However, there are still some activities to be done during the holiday period. But it's only during the first few days or rather week. What else can it be if not my SC thingy.
There's gonna be a picnic thingy this saturday at ECP. On Sunday got wedding to attend then work in the evening. On the 23rd gotta be involve in the Bishan Carnival. I think that's just the activities I'll be having lah.

The rest will be filled with spring cleaning. Yes, I gotta start ASAP. Curtains, Living room, Kitchen and lots. It's the time of the year again, which I ain't looking forward too. So yeah..
Fasting is starting real soon. How I miss this particular month. Hopefully, everything's gonna be just as well.

Work at the new place is getting better and better each day? So far so good lah. Made some friends there and cool bunch lah..

Btw, Yat, I know you're at the lowest point of your life, but pls, don't drown yourself in those stuffs. Even if there are no longer cute guys ard, I'll still be with you, even during your saddest moment...HAHAHAHAHA...Let's go out one of these days? With my seductive guy? AHAHAHAHHA....Take care dear gondol..=)

Aanyways, anyone up for blood donation this saturday at HSA??

Till then..

2006-08-31T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well, been busy for the past few days with the Learning Adventure, Teachers' Day Celebration, Projects and others. Which then made me so stressed up and always face low morality. In addition, condition in school and at home is getting more worse. I've been going to school just for the sake of attendance and not study itself. It's no longer interesting as it used to be. People change. Everything change. It's like there's no more joy in that particular phase. No longer united. Everyone is facing in different directions, cos of a misunderstanding. I don't even understand how it all started. Maybe it's better not to know at all.

Learning Adventure was basically about sculpting balloons and make stuffs out of it. ISA babes were with us too. Kak Sally was one of them. I could only master flower and sword. The rest, cannot make it. Heh..Forgotten the steps on how to do it lah. We had our very own NDP motivator to teach us so yeah...Nana, Iqah, Dee and Syasya...They are like pro seh..Well, not bad lah..Spent the time taking a nap when there were no students coming and the rest of the time, crapping, making more stuffs..

My Group

Kak Sally's group

Flower Bracelets

My bouquet of flowers

Anyways, Teacher's day was ok. Only like the Dancemania part, esp with Sleeq performing. They are really cool. Their steps are seriously fantastic. It was so synchronised. And that's the reason they won. Heh. The bad thing was we celebrated in the Hall as the Amphi was wet due to the heavy rain. Hence, all the decorations had to be taken down and put up in the Hall instead. It was sucha chore for the SCs. Early in the morning, practically everyone was busy with something. The dudes which I missed badly came down. Even kor. But that one hell of a brother went off without even telling me. Which in turn made me cry. In front of Fai and Ali. Sheesh!! He come quietly and left silently also. Haiss...Disappointed cos not able to spend more time with him.

Oh yeah, before the whole thing started, due to the heavy rain, my handphone got 'drenched' too, like the owner. I got stuck in the heavy rain and had to walk all the way frm mrt to school which is like a 10 min walk. Was practically wet frm head to toe. Left my phone in my bag and I don't know how it got wet. Upon reaching sch, the lights of my phone kinda flickered. Then everything went haywired. That's when I started to 'kan chiong'. Off the bloody phone for like half a day. Met my friend who helped me to send for repair. Luckily, it wasn't too serious. So now, the phone can be use as per normal. Heck.

The ones which I'm missing terribly

First day of work was ok. Like what my good friend said, it's kinda mundane. Pretty lifeless. There's nothing much to do over there. Unlike bedok, there's so many stuffs to be done. Till now, I don't know whether I made the right choice or not. Cos why? It seems there's no difference for my transfer. The person whom I wanted to avoid all along, has also transferred to same place as mine. No doubt I have my brother, the good friend and another friend's company, but that person is there too..So like there's no use at all. Gotta still face him. And for the record, he's working tomorrow and so am I. Good friend and Brother on off day. Goodness..I'm lost..

Well, enjoy the weekends.

2006-08-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

I'm very tired..

Tired of PRETENDING

PRETENDING of what is and what's not

Faking each and everyday of my life.

Putting on a mask on each morning when I wake up

A mask which is thinning as day passes by

Then soon, I'll gotta get another new mask.

And do the same old thing, yet again

I wonder, just when can I take off the mask

And be MYSELF.

2006-08-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

Work wasn't sucha disaster during the weekends. With some help from the managers esp Fariza, I managed to pull through the HSBC Nightmare. Customers..What d'ya expect. Same old everyday..Been slacking at the Kopitiam nearby our workplace with the usual peeps for 3 days straight, after work until wee hours of the morning..Talk nonsense, do stupid things, and what do you get when you are in the middle of a group of people who has the same interest?? More and more conversation..Shu yun, Shu shan, Fariza and Aisyah were talking abt Meteor Garden when it was shown on the tv at 1am on Channel U. Gdness...They were so engrossed in talking abt them that me and Aqil just looked at each other, confused. Lol..All the dao ming si lah..Bla bla..Heh...Happy times.

However, things take a different turn upon reaching home. Was talking on the phone with the good friend and told him about the things at work and also this special something which I just gotta know at the Kopitiam..Then he asked the big qn..Was like wondering why..Only then I realised that he actually knew what was happening but he didn't want to tell me. Instead I gotta hear it from someone else. Get what I mean? Was dumbfounded once I heard it from the good friend. Felt like slamming the phone down on him, but did not. I went all quiet for abt a few mins until he claimed that I'm crying...Hell yeah, I was...What can you expect?? Then came all the reasons why he did that and stuffs...Only then, I made up my mind. Msged Mr Bro abt it.

On Sunday, after my break, when all the managers were outside, Abg Aqil told me it's the best time to inform them. Well, with fingers crossed and drumming hearbeats, I went out and told him abt my decision. He appeared pretty calm though. Apologized if any inconvieniences was caused and went back in store. Abg thought I was having second thoughts on it cos I wasn't in a proper working mood. Everything was in my mind...A tornado occupied my little mind. Could not think properly lah..Well, I guess transferring is for the better also. MY OWN GOOD. This is the last period I'm working with MR 'ahem', I guess. Am praying hard for it. The end of a beautiful friendship, I once said.

Escaped school again today. Due to the freaking wisdom tooth growing. It hurts badly. Cannot chew food on the left side. What the hacks. It feels swollen also. Oh well..It's normal for wisdom tooth. It's only a matter of time when I'll be out of Bedok. Gonna miss the people there. There's always an ending no matter where we go ain't it...

Fariza and Self

Together with Abg Aqil and Fariza

Yours Truly and Shu Yun

The 3 of us

2006-08-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

National Day in school was ok lah...Nenek and Abg was the emcee..Nenek was so nervous before the whole thing but Abg was cool..As usual lor..The performances were kinda ok also..
Most of the SC's were dressed in traditional costumes except for a few, and I was among the few. I just can't be bothered to come to school dressed in Baju Kurung. Like seriously, it's very troublesome. Hence, I was in the usual simple shirt and bermudas and sneakers. Heh...Very very simple and not troublesome!!! It was in red and white too!! So yeah...It's like I'm the western type amongst the traditionals. Lols..

Took pictures here and there...Slack around..There were booths selling lotsa stuffs at the Amphi. Bought cookies and brownies frm Haziq and Liana. Then at 12, had the whole SC family pic. Well of course, not all were present that day. So not really the completed version. Thought of hanging out with some mates however, everyone had their own plans. So I headed home straight and had a short nap before going to work.

Since it was a public holiday, as usual, busy moments. Helped Ghafur with his orders in the kitchen and was stucked there for the whole period. Went out to dine in a while and helped where ever I could too. After work, went for late dinner with Shu yun and Shu shan. Both of them are like clowns, esp Shu shan. Kept making jokes after jokes hence made us laugh non stop even in the midst of eating!! Had a great time with them though...No matter how stress I am at work, they will surely perk up my mood. I wonder will this month be the last time I hang out with them? I still have not made my decision in transferring or not. I want to transfer yet at the same time I don't want. 50-50. This is extremely hard. 2 more weeks to THE CHALET. Don't feel like going...Cos it's during the school period. Haiss...

5 more mths left in school. Am counting down to the days. I'm just so tired of school. So sick to attend lessons. Basically, I AM JUST LAZY. Heh..

Ok, till here..Enjoy your weekends!! =)

2006-08-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

'Hari Raya' gathering in SC room =)

2006-08-11T02:06:00.001-07:00

People said we look like twins. Do we?? She's my B1 anyway..Lol..

2006-08-11T02:06:00.000-07:00

Yours Truly with the Only_us

2006-08-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

Just Us

2006-08-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

Malay, 'Indian' and 'Eurasian'

2006-08-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

TPS CA was kinda tricky lah..But not too bad..Managed to do some of it..Heh..School's been the same day in and out..Gonna have the National Day Celebration in school on Tuesday and guess what, we, the students are ENCOURAGED to wear either traditional costumes or red/white shirt/pants. Gosh...It's not that it's not good or what but it's like for SC, strictly no denims allowed. So how?? I don't even own a bloody red/white pants...Guess gotta buy it just for that one day...Haiss...

Oh anyway, the PSYCHO who broke off the friendship I had with him, a year ago, came back to 'life' a few days back. And so yeah, kept calling and stuffs...Told me I can't go home late, not to mix around with other people, get back home asap after work or school..Like come on lah...YOU ARE NOT EVEN MY FCUKIN BOYFRIEND. WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CARE??!!! Seriously lor...Super nonsense lah this guy...Don't understand the term 'I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU AT ALL'...Keep persisting...People like this ought to be shot..Heh..

Other than that, the current manager found out that I wanted a tranfer hence talked to me about it. Was kinda surprised as to how he knew when he told me the old manager told him about it. Well, I understand the whole situation we're facing right now...I'm not so cruel so as to leave that place in a lurch..I had a hard time deciding about this..But then again, I guess this is just not the right time yet..After things get better there, I'll take my leave..But again, it depends on time..

I've been tagged again.. This time by Kakak Mmbeek..Haiss..

.Do the following without complain
2.Choose 5 bloggers to do this upon completion
3.Leave a tag on the 5 tagboards to announce she has been tagged.
4.Start your entry with "I've been tagged!" then do the following.
I'VE BEEN TAGGED! by Irza

Favourites
colour: White, Blue and Orange
food: Hor fun
song: Punk, Alternative, Ballads
movie: Errmm...Lotr and Harry Potter
sport: Badminton, Cycling and Netball
season: hmms..Sunny plus windy
ice cream: Peppermint and Chocolate chip

Currents
mood: Sleepy
taste: the hotdog I ate 15 mins ago
clothes: Adidas shirt and pants
desktop: This sand thingy which has 'Cookie Monster' on it..
toe nail colour: none
surroundings: dim room with sunlight overlooking it
annoyance: The PSYCHO..Heh
thoughts: I wanna sleep and I wanna get away from that freaking psycho

Firsts
best friend: Marina
crush: Hmms...I think a guy named Hafidz who was my senior in pri sch days??
movie: Power Rangers
lie: Can't remember
music: dunno lah..

Lasts
cigarette: ....
drink: pepsi
car ride: yesterday
crush: Mr M
movie: Pirates of the Carribean
phone call: Faizal SC
cd played: This Reggae songs played in SC room

Have I Ever:
dated one of your best friends: yeah i guess...
broken the law: nahs
been arrested: nope
skinny-dipped: same as the above
been on tv: uh huh
kissed someone you dont know: Nahs..Don't think so

5 things you are wearing: Specs, shirt, wrist bands, pants
4 things you done today: school, chatted with Faizal when he came down, took the train to and fro, gossiping with the usual sc mates..Haha..
3 things you can hear right now: the fan, mly song-taman rashidah utama and the keyboard as I typed..
1 thing you do when your bored: sleep

So yeah...The 5 people?? Jannah, Nana yet again..Heh..And Nazurah..

2006-07-31T15:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the good friend's last day at work. He's gonna transfer to TNT, following
'The Dad'...I already made a pact to him that I won't cry at his departure but I guess I failed. Was busy keying in my order when he came to me from the front door and shook my hand and said those farewell words. Then he went off. Gosh, my heart seriously crushed. Immediately, crystals formed in my eyes. I could not resist those tears. I saw him went away, looking back at the store which he has served for 2 years.

Could not really carry on with work for a while. Customers look at me in a weird way, thinking of why suddenly my eyes were red and watery. Yeah, people may think that he's only transferring what..It may not seem a big deal, but to me it is. He stays in the west while I'm at the east. It's difficult to meet up cos of both's busy schedule. Plus, his internet connection is gonna be cut as his house gotta do some re-wiring thing so can't chat on msn. His phone is the same thing. If he never pay his bill, that's it. No other modes of communication. Furthermore, it's not the same. For the past one year, he has been my laughing starter.

He's the only good friend I have at work, not until yesterday that is. I can't even remember how I started talking to him. All I know is we became great friends. He understands so much abt my predicaments, he laughs at my lame, stupid jokes, he teached me right from wrong, he will always try his very best to make me laugh or smile whenever I'm sad or even when I'm mad. He is also the one who makes me cry. We shared so many problems together and will find means and ways to solve it. Basically, it's like we have been friends since childhood. However, I only gotta know him last year, July to be exact, when I joined the workforce that is. It's only been a year of our friendship yet so many things happened btwn us. It's so irony that you understand and bond with someone so much within one year.

Due to this closeness, people thought that we were together as a couple. How ridiculous can that be. But I don't blame them either. It's a natural thinking of humans. I even made a pact with him, not talking to each other at all at work and it seriously happened for like 2 weekends. However, you broke the pact on your last day of work. I don't blame you friend..Now that you're no longer there, things are surely gonna be different. There's no one for me to vent my anger or sadness, no one for me to punch or push, no one for me to laugh wholeheartedly with...Everything during that one year has become a memory. A wonderful one.

I guess it's just me now with the memories. First, it was the brother, then now it's you. No matter how hard for me to swallow, I still have to force myself to do so. Facing the weekends without you..Without the Bulldog Auntie..Farewell my friend..May you lead a happy working life down there at TNT. I am gonna miss you terribly. Take care always. Cherios!

2006-07-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Ok...I've been tagged by my dear Kak Sally to do the weird qns thingy...So yeah...Here it goes..

My 6 weird facts

-I don't eat rice. Not exactly don't eat lah, just don't really like it. Perhaps once in 3 mths or more will I only eat them. No reason why.

-I won't be able to sleep w/o my Cookie Monster and Spongebob plus w/o resting my arm on my forehead. Once I tried not resting my arm, it resulted in me not sleeping at all till 7 am..Cos that's when I gave up and rested my arm..

-I simply ADORE cookies. I won't be able to miss a day w/o having them.

-I cook for my family. The irony part will be that I don't eat what I cook. Heh..

-Will tend to cry for simple reasons. Be it happy or sad. I'll cry when I'm too stress, sometimes before sleeping, for no particular reasons also. Hence, my brother called me a cry baby. Cis..

-Lastly, will always get gastrics. Even though I've already eaten a proper meal. It happens almost everyday. It has become my BEST FRIEND.

All right, so there you go...Now, the 6 people who I want them to do will be...Well, actually I only got 2 in mind..That's Darls and Yat..Lols..The other 4 no idea lah...Heh..So enjoy..=)

2006-07-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

School's started..Nothing's different..Been absent for 2 days cos of gastrics..It's acting up again..Damn I hate it so much. Found out that exam is gonna be in like a month time. 11th and 13th Sept I think. Then it's the holidays. However, this time around, school's gonna resume on the 3rd or 4th day of Hari Raya. How pathetic can that be??!!!! All along I thought it's gonna be on November instead. By that time, the dudes are gonna be back in school. Which is so practically great. Am missing them so much.

Brother called again yesterday. Just when I stepped into the house, the phone rings. Then yeah, talked abt some stuffs..He and his forever lame and nonsensical craps and sarcasm. Told me off for being sucha crybaby about his departure. What the hacks...Obviously, I'm sad of it lor..Oh yeah, he gave me a testi in Friendster which is oh-so-sweet-and-touching...Nevertheless, he is a marvellous brother..

A friend told me just now to be wary whenever he comes online cos it might not be him after all. It makes me wonder why. Then he goes saying that it might be his gf. And the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard from him is that the gf is jealous of me. Like what the hacks...He doesn't know the reason so either. But something triggered to him that the gf might have read on his msn chat logs. Gdness...What's there to be jealous of when he loves you so much?? I'm only a friend.. Oh well, can't blame her either..I guess I would be jealous too if I were her..So yeah...Never mind then..

Till here...Gotta 'entertain' my dearest friend Yat with her antics..Heh..I know you miss me so much...=)

2006-07-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

Work has been a dread for the past 2 days...Totally shagged me out..Was pratically in and out of the kitchen to help where I can..It's been full house for 2 days straight..And the most ridiculous and unreasonable things can be, involves the customers. I'm not tryna be a shit here but I'm just stating facts..Some customers can be so freaking friendly and understanding whereas some is the opposite. Thus making me and my staffs in a difficult spot. Oh well..

Brother finally called after like more than a week the transfer thingy occurs. Asked me abt the transfer thingy. I'm at my wits' end now. To stay or to go...Making decision is something I abhor most. It's tough indeed..

Best friends...What does it actually mean? Do BEST FRIENDS really exist? I wonder...You ever mentioned that I am your best friend, but what happened to that term, when we practically ain't on talking terms now? Just what happened btwn us..I have no fucking idea..It hurts me to see you almost everyday but no acknowledgement made at all. It's like I don't exists in your life anymore..You suddenly stopped talking to me, You suddenly drift further from me. It all happens in a split second. It's like you've changed into someone I don't know..
A STRANGER.
YOU ARE NOT YOU ANYMORE.
I told myself to get over it but it's tough..Maybe I will soon..Time plays a huge part again..

Anyway, school's starting this monday. Am not looking forward to it AT ALL. No doubt I miss my mates, but starting school means exams are nearing..It also means more and more project work..Not only that, as an SC, preparations gotta be done for the whatever special celebrations in school. That also means staying in school till late. Not forgetting, back to training..Now that the hamstring's recovered...Heck..

I guess I'm done..

Au revoir

2006-07-15T01:10:00.000-07:00

I guess that's the end...End of a beautiful friendship??

What I had wanted to avoid all along, happened within such a short time...

Wonder what has brought about the change?

The bond was cut off just like that...

Or rather drifted...

Far apart...

Devastating it is when you were once so close yet so far now...

It reminds me of the past yet again...

Whereby the 'drifted' thingy occurs...

Hence, it ended silently...Heh..

Now, history's repeating itself...

I guess no one's to blame

But

Me??

2006-07-12T02:23:00.000-07:00

What are the differences between CHANCES and OPPORTUNITES???

Someone, anyone...Tell me please?

I had a huge debate with my friend over this...But I guess, I still don't understand..Don't understand the deep meaning it has..I thought it's the same all along...*thinking hard*

2006-07-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Staying up late at night to watch soccer ALONE, is not so interesting after all. However, a few mins after the penalty was scored, Dad came out from his room to join me. Couldn't resist the noise from the tv. Haha...So, I had company..Well, only for the first half. 2nd half, back to watching it alone. Lol..Was rooting for France even though most of my mates are with Italy. I'm scared stiff whenever Italy had a corner. Their target is so power...Well, yeah, France got the lead and Italy equalise soon after. Just like the Germany vs Argentina, England vs Portugal matches, extra 30 mins and penalty kick out. By then, my eyes could not hold on any longer hence I went to bed. Which is considered good cos France didn't manage to win. Heart wrenching it is. Anyway, Italy deserved it. Right from the start, they played gracefully..So yeah..

Now that the World Cup fever is gone, everything's gonna be back to normal. As in, no more late nights watching soccer, no more heart pains...The only heart pains left will be on how to pay all those bets back..Not me though, luckily..Haha..

After all that has happened, there's nothing for me to look forward to when coming to work. Apart from Mr Joker, there's no one else. The best friend will be transferring with the RM. The bro will take charge of the TM outlet. The particular someone is also said to be transferring soon. Yeah, how nice...Today is the start of the new management thingy and sadly, am working at 4. Longer hours at work..Hopefully, everything will be just right...

There's nothing else now..So enjoy your week.

2006-07-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

Exhausted. Lethargic. Muscle cramps. Sleepy. These are what I felt after the camp. However, the positive ones are of course fun, happiness and stuffs...No doubt being the organiser is tough, but it wasn't really bad after all. Glad that all the campers had tons of fun. Also glad that the dudes were present. Basically all ends well.

We were scared that the campfire won't be a fantastic one but it turns out otherwise. With the performances held by the campers, practically everyone was enjoying themselves. Laughing, mingling with each other, cheering and stuffs. Everyone did a very good job in the performances. Some were cute, some were funny. The carpark then turned into a 'dance hall' for a while. Amazingly, everyone was dancing to Shakira Bamboo Remix including yours truly. I was just clapping and getting to the beat when this particular guy just come up and asked me to join him. Well, without any obligations, I go with the flow. Haha..It was seriously nice lah..It's like..The sense of satisfaction you feel when you see every single one happily enjoying themselves. It was just superb.

2nd day was the Dragon Boat. Another day of fun. Teamwork, Cooperation, Support and more. That was being learnt by all of us. This time, the dragon boating was much more happening than the last time I went to. This time around, we get to jump in the waters. The instructor made us row to the centre of the river and stop. Then one by one, get down to the waters. Wooohooo..!!! Freaking cool it was. My 2 days of not showering was not wasted. Haha..We grabbed onto one another. As for me, not being a swimmer, had kinda hard time. Kept holding Fir's hand. Then the rest like Nana, Alvina, Rach, LC came to us. Then we decided to hold each other's hand and float ourselves. It was FREAKING COOL, I tell ya..It was like a flower formation we made. Stayed in the waters for like 15-20 mins..Then when it was time to get back into the boat, we were like.."awwwhhh...". All of us just want to stay longer. Haha..LC was my life saver. He helped me in the waters cos Fir had another someone to help and the rest was already on the boat. It was seriously happening lah..Oh yeah, that Jannah screamed and screamed when the instructor purposely rocked the boat sideways. My ears were sore from all her screaming. Lols..

During the debrief, prize-giving of best campers, best instructors and stuffs were being done. They were then given this paper to like sorta write a tribute to someone whom they think have done a good job in this camp. I didn't expect to get any though but thanks to darling and Shariman. They gave that piece of paper to me. I was seriously touched by it. And darling, sorry for not being able to sleep with you. Was sleeping with the dudes this time round. Loads of thanks for that meaningful 'speech' yeah..=)

It was indeed a memorable camp. Losing sleep and rest for 2 days was worth it. The meetings and tough times we had as the organiser, was truthfully paid off. New friends made and bonds btwn the old gets closer which is good. Hopefully, every single one of the probation councillors will be a certified one soon.

Till then, off to World Cup.

2006-07-02T14:50:00.000-07:00

ENGLAND lost...To think that I shed a tear for their loss..And to think that Dad was overjoyed that they actually loss. What the hacks..Everything was wasted. Despite the strong defence they had, their attack side was totally on the loose. Furthermore with Rooney being sent off and Beckham substituted, it was a flop. I gotta agree that Rooney ought to be sent off. He wasn't in his best form either. He lost control of the ball whenever he got it. Penalty time. I was already feeling nervous for them. Haha...Fanatic you may call..Another chance gone when the 3 couldn't get the ball in. Upon knowing that Ronaldo will be taking the last kick for Portugal, I knew it was the end for England. Hell yeah I was right. Dad was happily cheering for Portugal and jeering England. I could not react any further. Speechless..

On the other hand, I could not believe that Brazil lost to France. I expected them to win and be in the finals but it all turn around. Super devastated. However, it's fair now that England and Brazil are out..Fair to Dad and me..Haha...Now it's down to Germany, Italy, France and Portugal. All my faves are out. Maybe I'll be supporting either Germany or Portugal..Anxiously waiting for the semis and finals..

Anyway, it's the holidays!!! Though it's only for 3 pathetic weeks, it's still cool..Can wake up totally late without having to worry about school or warning letters...Heh..However, there are days whereby I gotta go back to school for some SC stuffs. Not forgetting netball trainings. It's a relief for me that trainings during the hols will be at ITE Tampines instead of our school. Super 'gerek' lah..Other than that, it's just gonna be work and more work. Talking about work, things are gonna change at work. Management's gonna be different. I'm so not liking it. There'll be a meeting at the end of the night later about the management thingy. I know who's going in and out..I don't want all those to happen but I have no right to do so. Hopefully I won't cry just like I did a few months back, upon knowing that Brother will be transferring out.

Nothing will ever be the same huh...

2006-06-30T23:34:00.000-07:00

'It takes no time to fall in love but it takes you years to know what love is'

Reading back all those conversations they had, heart wrenching it was.. Tears kept flowing down..The other party apologized to the own self for not waiting?? The one who should be blame wasn't the other party but the own self. The own self wasn't sure on how to actually accept the whole thing..The own self took its time. All the own self can do now is pray for the other party's happiness with the beloved. Maybe everything wasn't meant to be, the own self thought. Maybe there's a blessing in disguise. Maybe the other party will be better off with the beloved rather than the own self. Maybe even the own self has totally given up on it.

Maybe..Maybe..

2006-06-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know so as to rejoice or be depressed over that particular news...Was taken aback by what has happened but there's nothing I could do to change it. I mean..Who am I to even think of changing the whole situation..?? I have no right to interefere..Speechless I was..Yet remain calm and wished the best of it. Was crying on the train way back home, thinking of it. Furthermore with that particular song playing on my mp3...Gosh, memories hurt huh..I don't know why was I even crying!!! Tears of joy? Perhaps...Unlikely though...Haha..Confusion..

Was acting as per normal at work just now, as though nothing happened..Laughters, smiles, happiness was all over the place..However, in this brave front lies a fragile heart..Told myself not to cry over this particular incidents as it will just keep repeating over and over, except that the players are different..Hacks!! Even made a pact to myself regarding this thingy..Am trying hard though..Some people may find it ridiculous but yeah..Circumstances..

On the other hand, in another situation, hell yeah we may look good if we are a couple but take note, the key word here is IF...IF it takes place, then the whole thing will be very different and you guys can say whatever you want. Too bad, it NEVER HAPPEN. Hence, wassup with you people keep talking about us?? Just plain bored?? Well, sometimes I get bored with those comments too. I mean, if it's true, I don't care..However, it's not..It's kinda irritating at times even though it's meant as a joke...Come on, as much as you guys want me to understand/respect you, please understand/respect me as well..I'm not asking for much...Everything has its limits don't they...=) Oh btw, I'M NOT MISSING THE PAST...

A totally different thing now. CAMP. Not really looking forward already..Some people just get on my nerves even before the camp starts. Un-cooperative, disrespect, nonsense attitude...I've foresee it but to that particular extent, I seriously can't take it...It's no longer a group if no one wants to participate and heck care...I'll see how it goes...But for sure, I ain't gonna enjoy it as much apart from meeting the dudes again...

DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU.

2006-06-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

Woke up bright and early to get ready for school...Packed my stuffs and put on the uniform..When it comes to the zipping the skirt, the zip had to break loose and yeah..Be spoilt at that instance..Super fugk..Yesterday was my shirt which turned pink, courtesy of my dear sister which then made me stayed at home, today it's the skirt problem...To make it worse, I only got one set of uniform..How great is that...!!!! So in total I've skipped school for 2 days because of pathetic reason. I don't know how am I going to sch tmrw..The co-op shop only opens at 11 plus or 12 but I end sch at 10 tmrw. So how the hack am I supposed to buy a new skirt...

Super duper irritating....Missed my TPS test just now too..Dammit...Just a few more days of school and I gotta waste my money to buy a new set of uniform...It's just...Undescribable...3 more days of school and off to holidays...Which also means camp..Waiting in despair...Hopefully, the dudes will come for the night..

I'm speechless as to what has happened...

2006-06-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

Am not myself these few days...School's been a drag recently...Everything in school just tires me out...Escaped myself from school again today, just to have a good rest at home. However, it didn't seem like a good one when sibs kept quarelling again and again..

OA's CA seems pretty ok even though I forget some stuffs and made some careless mistakes like answers which are so freaking simple..Whatever lah..It's over anyway. 50% of it will be included for the final term, I think.

I don't know why but I just feel tired day by day..Even though haven't been working for like 2 weeks already..I miss work? Maybe a lil bit..Getting more and more lazier as days go by..Don't have the mood for almost everything..Just wanna sleep and sleep..

Whatever it is, I'm just not me these few days. Pardon me for that. Will be back to the right surface soon, I hope...

2006-06-18T00:06:00.000-07:00

Had a seriously great time during the bbq just now...Especially with the attachment guys's presence...Had loads of laughter and joy around...First up, was playing some games, do some cheers etc..There was one point of time where we had to blindfold ourselves and grab a marble from this container which contains stupid and gross stuffs...Mucus, Salivas, Dead worms, Mixture of ketchup and sauces, Sand and other things..Digusting it was..

Next was dressing our mates accordingly. Since the theme was retro, so yeah...All the Elvis Presley and Madonna clones came out..Was utterly clueless as to what to do with my team mates, Jason and Ya Mei at first..However, we cracked some silly ideas and yeah..Not bad also lah...

Moment all of us are waiting for was finally official when the games are over. Makan time lah..What else right..There were loads of food esp chickens..Had my fill then enjoyed talking and crapping with the usual us..This time around together with our dear attachment guys. Hugged my Kor tightly when he came...It's been a while..

Towards the end, usual us were left with one of the pit. So yeah..Was listening to this particular BSB song which reminds me of the past and that's when Fai said something about it. Then all the relationship discussion starts..Had a good heart to heart talk with Fai even though it's only for a while..He's one of the fewest guy which I told my past to. Now that he knows it, and yeah the usual stuffs.."Can make friends but should know where I stand with them" bla bla...I thought he's gonna discriminate and scold me for that, but he didn't. He even thinks the same as I do. "They are a great bunch of people, nice-hearted", he said. After all those talk, I guess I gotta change my words and yeah..Oh well...Life..haha...

Before the whole bunch of us went off, bid farewell to the organising committee and thanked them. Their effort was well appreciated. Hugged Kor again and yeah..Don't feel like letting go of him..But what to do...Hopefully the next time I'll see him will be during the camp. The guys had plans so they went off with their bikes while the 3 of the girls continued their way to the interchange. And here I am safely home. Fatigue but had lotsa fun..=))

2006-06-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Doa Buat Sahabat

Segala puja dan puji itu hanya milikmu wahai Tuhan penentu segala takdir. Selawat dan salam buat Rasul junjungan petunjuk sepanjang zaman, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w dan ahli keluarga serta para sahabatnya yang umpama bintang-bintang bergemerlapan.

Ya Allah
Dalam perjalanan kehidupan ini telah Engkau jadikan bagiku seorang teman. Sedangkan ia adalah diluar jangkaan dan sangkaan hambaMu ini. Aku tetapkan baginya satu peraturan yang hanya Allah yang akan menentukan segalanya.

Ya Allah
Dalam kekalutan begini, dia pergi menyendiri dan hanyalah dititipkan suatu pesanan melalui seorang teman buatku. Dimanakah salahku wahai Tuhan dan tunjukkanlah dimana silapku. Jangan Engkau biarkan aku begini tanpa diketahui apakah kesalahan yang telah aku lakukan terhadapnya.

Ya Allah
Walau apa pun takdirMu keatasku, maka disaat ini aku tahu dia perlukan pertolongan. Oleh itu wahai Tuhan, aku dengan penuh rasa kehambaan yang penuh kehinaan memohon padaMu bagi pihaknya, kerana dia adalah sahabatku.

Ya Allah
Ampunilah daku dan sahabatku dan masukkanlah kami kedalam rahmatMu dan Engkau adalah Tuhan yang maha penyayang.

Ya Allah
Jangan Engkau tinggalkan untuknya suatu dosa melainkan telah Engkau ampunkan. Dan tiada suatu aibnya, melainkan telah Engkau tutupinya. Tiada suatu dukanya melainkan telah Engkau hilangkan daripadanya. Tiada suatu hutangnya melainkan telah Engkau bayarkannya. Tiada suatu kesakitan melainkan telah Engkau sembuhkannya. Tiada suatu hajatnya dari keperluan dunia dan akhiratnya yang telah Engkau redhai dan tepat untuknya melainkan telah Engkau tunaikan segalanya baginya wahai Tuhan yang Maha Penyayang.

Ya Allah
Lindunglah sahabatku dari hilangnya nikmatMu dan berubahnya kesejahteraanMu dan mendadaknya seksaMu dan berbagai macam murkaMu.

Ya Allah
Sungguhnya aku bermohon kepadaMu tabahkanlah dia dalam menghadapi segala urusan dan kekuatan dalam menerima petunjukMu

Ya Allah
Kurniakanlah kepadanya jiwa ketaqwaan dan sucikanlah. Engkaulah sebaik-baik yang mensucikannya.

Ya Allah
Sungguhnya aku bermohon kepadaMu bagi pihaknya dengan sabaik-baik permintaan, sebaik-baik permohonannya, sebaik-baik kejayaannya dan sebaik-baik pahala baginya. Tetapkanlah untuknya, beratkanlah timbangan kebaikannya. Mantapkanlah imannya, tingkatkanlah darjatnya, terimalah solatnya dan ampunkanlah dosa-dosanya. Ya Allah, aku bermohon baginya kepadaMu tingkat yang tinggi di syurga. Ya Allah perkenankanlah permohonanku.

Ya Allah
Sungguhnya Engkau mengetahui apa yang aku rahsiakan dan apa yang aku perlihatkan, maka ampunkanlah kealpaan dan kelalaiannya. Dan Engkau mengetahui segala hajatnya, maka kabulkanlah permohonannya. Ya Allah, aku bermohon baginya kepadaMu keimanan yang selalu mendampingi hatinya, dan keyakinan yang kuat sehingga dia mengerti bahawasanya tidak akan menimpa dirinya kecuali apa yang telah Engkau tentukan baginya dan bahawasanya apa sahaja yang telah menimpa dirinya bukanlah semata-mata yang meluputkannya. Dan apa sahaja yang telah meluputkannya bukanlah yang semata-mata menimpa dirinya.

Ya Allah
Aku bermohon baginya kepadaMu iman yang dia buat cari kebenaran. Cahaya yang dia jadikan ikutan dan rezeki yang dirinya cukupkan. Ya Allahâ€¦jadikanlah dia cinta kepadaMu dengan hatinya seluruhnya dan rela kepadaMu dengan segala kemampuan dirinya seluruhnya.

Ya Allah
jadikanlah cintanya seluruhnya hanya kepadaMu dan amal perbuatannya seluruhnya hanyalah untuk mencari keredhaanMu.

Ya Allah
Apa sahaja yang Engkau jauhkan darinya dari hal-hal yang dia cintai, jadikanlah hal itu sebagai penguat untuknya mencintai apa yang Engkau cintai dan jadikanlah cintanya kepadaMu sebagaimana Engkau mencintai.

Ya Allah
Cukuplah diriMu bagiku, tiada Tuhan selain Engkau. Hanya kepadaMu aku bertawakal. Dan Engkaulah Tuhan yang memiliki arasy yang agong.

2006-06-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

The week's been pretty hectic for me..Loads of plans after school. The moment I step at home, I changed and immediately sleep till the next morning. Even after sleeping for abt 10 hours, I'm still sleepy. That's how lethargic I am these few days..

Just so many things to do..Camp meetings, Briefings..Etc..Haven't been working for the past few days too...Hopefully, gonna be back to work and training soon. Been missing in action for quite some time..Oh yeah, am in the Dance Committee for this season. Gdness, can't believe it that I'm in it. Was about to tell the in charge that I wanted to back out when she came to me telling me abt the dance practise and stuffs. It's gonna start on this coming Tuesday. Can't imagine myself DANCING in FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL. The last time I danced in front of many people was in Secondary Three. So long ago seh...That's when all the wobbly-ness and butterflies takes their place.

Aanyways, Bishan Netball Team got first in the Netball Carnival last Wed. Wasn't the top 12 who played though..It didn't matter anyway. I missed the selection session and yeah seeing other people who's way much better than me, I think it's only right that I wasn't in. However, some peeps weren't too happy about it either..Haha.."Join the team" someone said to me...Lols..

Office Administration Module CA will be on next Tuesday. Haven't even study a damn thing. Don't really understand whatever thing is there..Form filling whatever lah..My teacher teach also like bullet train. Kan chiong spider..TPS CA will be in August, after our hols in July that is.

Am missing the attachement guys badly esp my dearest Kor and Fai..Hope to see them tomorrow during the SC bbq thingy...Am praying hard that Mr Sun will be there always..Alvina and gang has planned some activities for us and we gotta come with something RETRO. I seriously have nothing retro-ish on my mind, in my wardrobe or wherever...Those who couldn't accede to their request will have to do forfeits. My oh my...Gotta bring extra clothings just in case..Hmms...May it be a fun one though..

Wedding Bells gonna be ringing this weekend. Not too sure whether I'm looking forward to it or not..It's from dad's side anyway. Maybe am just gonna present myself for a lil while..Depends on my dad though..He's gonna stay long for sure..Talking abt dad, it seems that we are currently facing a communication breakout. It's been going on for some time though..I don't know why...I can count how many times I really talk to him in a week. It can be as bad as only once. I ain't kidding..Things are getting worse I can say. I simply have no idea how to rectify the whole situation. It's like sometimes when I took the initiative to strike a conversation with him, he will give me simple answers. Yeah, some of you may say I gotta understand him cos he's tired working the whole day and stuffs...But well..The response is seriously demoralising...I'm so affected by the whole thing..I don't know..Maybe it's just me who don't know how to take care of her dad well..Things have seriously been very different lately..Like there's no more life and joy in the house/family. Even if there is, it's only for a short period of time. It won't last long...

Nothing in the world ever lasts, ain't it...

2006-06-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Blood donation. What are your views on donating blood? At first I thought it was painful and stuffs, however, after experiencing it for the first time, it was great. It was fun. I've always wanted to donate blood but due to the age limit last time and also don't really have the courage to do so..Haha...Well, now since I'm of the right age, I tried it out. The blood donation drive was held at my school student's hub. Me and a few of my friends were the first batch to arrive.

So had to fill in the form thingy and wait for the registration. I was forced to have breakfast just cos of this donation. So I quickly had 2 slices of bread and went back to the hub. Then went to see a doctor I think..Who asked qns..Lotsa qns..After that, it began. I was the 2nd person. First they took a sample from my middle finger on my left hand. Then proceeded to the rest chair. I was practically noisy during that time..Was asking them lotsa qns..They took about 6 lil tubes filled with my blood then the small bag thingy..The tubes are gonna be tested for HIV, Haemoglobin(sp?) and etc..The process of injection didn't really hurt even though I was biting the paper when they wanted to start the whole thing. Hah..Ironic ain't it..

The nurse which attended to me was very friendly. She explained to me abt the stuffs, kept assuring me it's gonna be all right, kept asking whether I'm feeling ok or not..Very helpful..After everything is over, the guy nurse bandaged my arm. In class I felt sleepy hence I slept during one of the TPS lesson. Haha..Oh yeah, when I was on the way back home, on the train, I felt like puking and fainting..Had shortness of breath also..I was pratically trying hard not to vomit or faint in the public..But seriously, I was very very weak..Couldn't take it anymore hence I walked as fast as possible through the interchange for the bus.

As soon as I reached home, took 2 tabs of panadols and gave up to bed. Was already on the verge by then..Haha...Thinking abt it, it was kinda funny.. Action strong but very weak actually..Got a lil reprimandation from Dad for not eating proper breakfast before the whole thing..But I don't eat breakfast mah...Aisey..

Anyways, I got shocked when HE msged me asking abt my well being and whether I'm working or not. It's been a freaking long time since he last msged me and also since I saw him at work..Well, glad to know everything's fine in him...Have been skipping work for the past 3 days cos of the busy schedule hence I'm going back to work today..Heard that there's a new promotion going on..

Next week is gonna be another hectic one for me. Netball tournaments, Meetings, BBQ pit and Weddings..I'm not sure whether I'm able to work or not next week. I doubt I'll be playing for the tournament but still the whole team have to be present. Haiss...

Head's spinning again..So later then..

2006-06-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

* Despite the challenges plus tragic injury I had, we managed to get 3rd!!! Wooohooo!!! =)

2006-06-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

* After hours of battling under the sun

2006-06-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

* Half of the Ok Best =)

2006-06-05T07:13:00.000-07:00

* A few mins just before the first game

2006-06-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

* First day of the match

2006-06-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

And so everything was worth it after all...We got the 3rd placing for Inter Department Netball..Congrats everyone..Thanks for all the effort put in..Thanks for the concern too and I apologize if I wasn't in my best mode during all the games...It was due to my injury you all know..Thanks a lot for understanding..Everyone in the team was great...

Adik, Busu, Nenek, Iqah, Aini, Izah and 2 Joanne's..THANKS A MILLION..=D

Despite the injury I had since Monday, I still played on for the inte department..Only GOD knows how I felt while I was playing..My hamstring injured like hell...And now, it's swollen..Overstretched the muscles while playing the first game yesterday hence it aggravates the whole thing. Wasn't able to play properly in the end..Had to rely lots on my other members during the games..Made lotsa clumsy mistakes which took up the time limit...

Anyway, glad everything is over..1st and 2nd placing won by the accounting department..They were so great...Their skills was like professional already..Well, there were some basketball players mah..They deserved to win..They were freaking good..

Well, body's giving up already..All muscles are very weak..Wonder how I'm gonna survive working full shift tomorrow...Till then, enjoy your weekend..=)

2006-05-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness...I'm freaking pissed with the training just now...Not because of the training itself but cos of some people lah...The mouth very LASER sia..Kanasai..Make so many comment. Bloody hell..If you're that good, join the Singapore Team lah..Why join school team only...Super irritated by her...Wasn't in the mood for training just cos of that big mouth..Cannot concentrate..Freako..

Aanyways, aha...Kak Sally is back from Bangkok!!!!! Wooohooo...Miss her and the bf lah..Haha..Glad that they enjoyed themselves..So shall see ya in sch tmrw and as for the bf, see him at work on Wed..!!! =) Oh yeah..Wed, I'm thinking of skipping sch again..I don't know..Even if I were to attend sch, it'll only be for a pathetic one hour..Then I gotta be off to the airport..Sending one of my mates...Yat..Haiss..I'm gonna miss you girl..2 weeks without you in school..Without your crappyness, jokes and stuffs..'The art of looking at gorgeous guys' Story...Gonna miss them loads..And please, don't think too much lah ok..Everything's gonna be fine there..Insyallah...Just think of HIM please, and not those guys ok...Hahaha..

Ok, I don't know why but I think things are seriously taking a bad turn..We are almost on the verge of NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER AT ALL...Even though we don't have ANY misunderstanding or whatsoever...Funny ain't it..Working in the same roof but no communication...What the hack is happening..I totally have no idea myself..I wonder why the bond we had last time SUDDENLY disappeared into thin air...Like in a split second, everything btwn us changes..And just the other day when I hanged out together with a few work mates and Brother, and he came along later in the morning..I got a lil pissed by one of my work mate action and his...It may be very nonsensical if I told you people what actually happened, but I don't know why I IMMEDIATELY reacted that way when that happened, hence left the both of them looking at me in shock...Told myself just to forget about this whole damn thing, but still...

One of my friend kept telling me not to hide myself, not to look things only on the outer surface, do some soul searching bla bla bla...But hey, I did try to look things on a different angle...But I guess it just doesn't seem to work...I'm so giving up on myself already lah...NEGATIVITY...Yeah...That's always in my mind..MY BEST FRIEND EVER...

2006-05-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

A week has passed but I'm still not well..Was absent again from school today and went to the doctor, again. This time around a different doctor. After having fever, came the flu and lotsa phelgms and coughs..So irritating..Waited for like half an hour for the doctor and yeah same old thing..

Aanyways, gonna be real busy this week and more to come. Especially with the upcoming camp in June which I'm gonna work on. Am in charge of the games section. Gosh...I have totally no idea what to plan!! Am seeking help from all sorta friends about this. Pls dear friends, if you got any games in mind, tell me about it...I need some suggestions badly!!! Lols..Am kinda looking forward to the May intake new councillors which might be in the SC's grasp, hopefully, by the end of the month. That'll mean more members and more chaotic session with them. Haha..

Oh yeah..I got to know that my 'once upon a time' good friend, is already engaged. But the news didn't came from the owner herself, instead, someone else. Frankly speaking, was kinda disappointed as to why she didn't inform me and stuffs..Well, yeah, like what malays said, 'buat secara kecil-kecilan'. Nevertheless, she could tell me beforehand so that well, I'm able to join in her moment of happiness ain't it..I thought of congratulating her over the phone, but thinking back, nahs...We haven't been contacting for ages..Let's just pray for her happiness and may you be all well with your fiance. Hoping to see you on your wedding day though..On the other hand, I'm happy for her. Didn't expect one of my good friend to get hitched so fast.. Haha...

Thinking back, it's already been 19 years of my life. Ain't getting any younger..As time passes us by, we realize things which we don't find it important back then. It's like the more older you get, the more trivial matters you have to take care of. Adulthood is sure something which you can't really handle yourself, sometimes. Take my cousin for instance, I think he's facing too much pressure till he thinks of nonsensical stuffs..That scares me a lot you know...When someone close to you talking about things which they are not supposed to, or rather, not the time yet..Nothing is ever easy in our life ain't it...

As of now, I don't know what to think of..My mind is just too preoccupied with school and work. Other than that, there's nothing else. Kinda boring life I lead, some of you may find. Yeah, I agree..Sometimes it is..However, with such wonderful friends surrounding you, you won't feel the boredom at all. It's like they are the sunshine and rain over you..No matter what kinda misunderstandings we may have, at the end of the day, we are still friends..I'm glad to have made many new friends..Friends who understand me better, friends who teach me right from wrong, friends who listens to my inner part, friends who don't mind going through my rough patches..I seriously Thank GOD for bringing me to this path of life..Where I got to learn all sorts of things..It's really amazing..Syukur Alhamdulilah..

I may not have mentioned this to all of my friends, but..I'm taking this opportunity to do so..

THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE, FOR GUIDING ME THROUGH ALL THESE WHILE. I APPRECIATE IT GREATLY. NOTHING CAN EVER REPAY WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO ME IN MY 19 YEARS OF LIFE. I ENJOY BEING WITH YOU PEOPLE HENCE I HOPE YOU GUYS WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME, BE IT FAR OR NEAR..IN MY HEART YOU'LL ALWAYS BE. =))

2006-05-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Right on track now...Been busy with school, work, camps etc etc...Been feeling freaking tired these few days cos of the activities lined-up for myself. Darn, it really dragged me down. Now, am sick. Common thing. Fever and sore throat. Skipped school today. On MC though. Anyways, last weekend, I enjoyed myself with the SC mates in the Underwater World. We camped there. Slept in the Underwater World, together with the fishes. You know, the travellator which brings people around the dome shaped kinda thingy...Yeah, we slept there. It was truly a nice experience. Get to see all sorts of fishes.

Had a seriously great time with the SC's. We bonded even more and got closer. I was practically laughing and enjoying myself during that period. Well, was too stressed up with something at work so yeah...I didn't even thought of any problems that time. First day upon reaching there, we were given the privileged to tour around the underwater world..It's so freaking faboulous..LC, one of my mates, kept going around saying, "Hey you fat..Babat.." to the fishes actually. He's really cute lor...Every fish which is big he kept saying, "fat, fat"..Non-stop word coming from him..We also learnt the history of sharks and dolphins. Now, I gotta stop eating shark's fin soup after knowing the infos on them. Gosh..Pity them. Then at night we went to the Musical Fountain. It was damn AMAZING..The lights and graphics or whatever you called those thingys used, were totally fantastic. I was awed by those. It seriously kept me off thinking abt nonsensical stuffs. However, there was one part whereby I don't know how come the past person suddenly came back into my mind. Was enjoying myself watching the waters spurting out from whatever you called that, when suddenly my mind was filled with the past memories. Oh well...

Then 2nd day was the day all of us has been waiting for. Dolphin Lagoon. We got to see and touch the dolphin. They were so CUTE. The way they synchronised themselves..Damn, it was really great lah..I got to touch the dolphin, called Jumbo. It was such a nice feeling. Spent time with the mates at Siloso Beach a while. During this camp, got more closer with the mates. LC, Ana, Wei Li, Fai, Fie, Hadah...Too many to list down lah..But truly happening..Took loads of photos but it's with another friend. Will get it from him soon.

Ok enough about that...Gonna get back to school and work tomorrow. Hmms..Work..I don't know to say whether it's been a drag or not..Maybe those problems are..I'm simply tired with everything which keeps evolving around me. I'm always the fence. The middle person. People kept complaining to me about their probs but no matter how hard I tried to help them, I, in the end, became a victim of their probs. Like what the hacks..How so? I myself don't know..It's like sometimes when I don't want to be a part of it, they are the ones who pulled me in..Now, it's hard for me to escape from it. God, please give me the strength to carry on with this game of life..

To people which I haven't been spending time with for like how many months already, I will try my very best to give up some time to you...I miss you guys like how you missed me...Till then, please take care...=)

2006-05-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, so school's started...It marks the 2nd year of my education in Bishan. Just one more year to go and that's it. Aanyways, this term's timetable is kinda great. No more ending lesson so late. I've got days where I end at 10 and starts at 1. This is what I want..Haha..Lols..Oh yeah, the CA's changed. No longer Mr Liau..This time it's a lady. And I forgot her name. However, Mr Liau will still be teaching my class for Tourism. Then there's PIE, ADM, ENT etc. Will start learning only next week I guess.

So for the first two days of school, I wasn't in class. Was busy helping out with the may intake orientation programme. SCs collaborating with the BLs that is. There were so many classes this time. Saw a few faces I know. Well, anyway, I was in charge of ISP. Higher Nitec in Biz Admin. Together with 2 of the BLs. Firstly, was the tour around the school. Then the ice breaking and stuffs like that..Well, orientation..What else do you expect right..Same old every year..Initially, the class was like dead lah..Yeah, it's like you don't know anyone in that class and prefer to be alone kinda thingy..However, after a lil while, sparks began to occur. After the introduction of the names, they were kinda more ok with each other. Asked Nana to help out in my class and yeah..We were enjoying it most of the time. Got myself familiarised with the students of the class and they are a great bunch of people.

2nd day was the telematch thingy. My class didn't win anything but nevertheless, we had fun. Exteremely good fun. Sabo-ing people was the main purpose in that. Well, I only sabo-ed my class with water lah not flour unlike some others. I don't want them to get dirty. Pity them..Haha...Well, I attacked my fave guy in that class which was so clever to run away and stay in a spot which is muddy. So that I won't attacked him lah..All these remind me of my orientation programme last year. Overall, the bond I had with ISP was good.

Due to this orientation thingy, I suffered. Lethargic-ness, muscle cramps and migraines. There was one day, on Wednesday, I skipped work cos I really had no strength left to work. Upon reaching home at 630pm, I fainted to bed. Only woke up when the alarm sounded, the next morning that is. I was totally drained out the night before that I didn't even have my dinner or shower. Was still in the zombie mode when I wanted to go to school.

Today, again, I skipped school. Was having a heavy migraine in the morning. Couldn't even get myself up. Lack of sleep I guess. This is only the starting point. More will come in time. No work today..Off day...Took off so that I could celebrate my sister's bdae together with my dad and brother. Haven't been really spending time with them for the past few days.

For personal life, I think we're drifting. I don't know..Maybe it's just on my part. But again, maybe it's not..The communication we used to have last time no longer exists. It's like, we saw each other most of the time, yet we rarely talk. Bumped into each other most of the time, yet both gave no signal. Only sometimes were there times where we kinda like acknowledged each other. Can see that he communicate more with one of my friend rather than me..Well, more like arguing/disturbing kinda thingy..Well, the smses do go on sometimes..Oh well...Guess it's just another failure yet again...

Till then people, au revoir..

2006-04-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

And so, the one we've been waiting for is finally out..RESULTS. Yes, it's out earlier than expected. Received a msg from dearest Aini mentioning abt the release and that was like 715pm. I was going to have my bath when the phone sounded. Upon reading the msg, I was kinda frantic. I almost forgot that I'm actually waiting for my results to be out. How stupid can that be?? Oh well..Dumbness.. So, immediately on my computer and logged in. Lucky the system wasn't lagging. Maybe not many students knew about it yet. Was already nervous about this so I slowly clicked on the 'My Exam Results' button. Tada...There it was. Gave out a relief sigh cos I managed to pass. Well, the most important one was the PR. That darn module. It was a seriously good thing that I passed that!!! Marvellous..Lols..So yeah..Freaking happy that I passed all of them.

Due to the excitement, I just msged the first person who's in my inbox. Without realising who that person is of course. After sending, then I realised it was actually him. Darnation...Too esctatic till the 'dumbness' got out of me again..Well, yeah..Then came in the usual 'Congrats' and stuffs...Was basically bouncing my way to the bathroom after that. Haha...Told Dad upon his arrival at home and yeah..He was glad too. I couldn't stop thanking the Almighty enough. Alhamdulilah.

Then went down to meet that friend to pass his cd. But it turns out to be the wrong type. Both were already kinda speechless. Haha..I looked at him, he looked at me. He then went to buy the correct type and was back in a matter of mins. So burned the songs into the particular cd again, just for him, and went back down. This time around, with the correct type. Grab a drink from 7-11 and sat at the void deck, doing nothing but telling ghost stories. Not me. The story telling was done most by him. Scared the hell out of me. Some were freakinly funny though, especially the one where he's experienced. Before that, he did something really really stupid to that drink which we were supposed to have. In the end, he drank alone. Hah...

Spent about an hr plus, talking about stuffs. Things are all going well. Insyallah. Well, hungry right now...Au revoir then.

Oh yeah, those who managed to pass, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! See ya guys on 2nd of May. =)

2006-04-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

It's getting more mundane day by day. Without work especially. Was up till 5 this morning doing nothing but talking on the phone, conferencing rather. And that made me woke up at 4 plus in the evening. Lols.. Just as expected, 2 against 1 battle. Was being lectured by a 17 and 22 yrs old. For the whole of 3 hours, I couldn't get away with that particular topic. Which seems to be their favourite one. After all the hoo haas, they came back with the same intention in mind. Geez..Was desperately trying to get myself out of that particular topic but was unable too.

Being negative always. Running from reality. Don't believe in chances or rather opportunities that came by and always don't dare to try things out. All these were being repeated over and over again. Hah..Am I that strong-headed? Thinking back on yesterday's conversation with those 2 pals, I gotta admit. There are some truths in this whole scenario. To other people, it's different yet to me it's special? I was on the verge of laughing when they told me that, but thinking that it was a serious matter, decided not to.

They were seriously trying their best to help me out in this scenario. Kept brainwashing and drilling my brain day after day. Till I even dreamt of it. Hah..We'll just see how things are. Whether the scenario happens or not. I guess I just gotta prepare a carton of Cornetto for that pal of mine huh...In time to come, my friend. Heh..

Aaaanyways, thanks a lot. For the effort in this whole thing. I know you guys are tired from repeating it again and again. Wait and see the results ayte..=)

2006-04-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

And so the cat is out of the bag...It will then soon be at everyone's mouth..Dammit...I just don't know what else to say...Simply speechless...Everyday, there must be something to spoil the beautiful day ain't it....How I wish it was just another perfect day..I want to believe that it is just another perfect day...However, I don't think it will be...

Weekends coming soon and tomorrow's a public holiday. Working tomorrow. But not on Saturday. So...Anyone has any plans to go out on Saturday? I don't have any and I'm gonna be stuck at home with boredom. With the 2 lil sibs at home. Confirm kecoh...

Oh yeah..I just received a bad news...My dearest chinese bro will be serving the nation soon. Just went for his medical check up just now. Gosh...I actually cried when he told me that news. Can't believe this..It's like as though I ain't missing him enough that NS gotta grab him away from me. Now, I'm gonna miss him even more..Especially the part when he said, "You won't be seeing me for 2 yrs..." Wahlau...Like as if he's not booking out. Told him that we could meet up when he book out but knowing that bro of mine, all he cares about is sleep. I'm just so so sad about this...Within that 2 years, anything can happen ain't it...Sad yet worried for him..Haiss...

Till next time..

2006-04-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Been feeling extremely tired nowadays even though I wake up late noon. Too sleepy till got no mood for work. Just very very sleepy. Aanyways, weekend was ok lah. On Sat was that someone's bdae but I couldn't really give him a proper wish. Rarely saw him on that day even though both are working. The environment there was simply busy til I couldn't really get a lil time off. So yeah...Before going home, just waved goodbye and stuffs. Workmates decided to grab a bite at a coffeeshop nearby and we discussed about lotsa stuffs during that time. Cleared our doubts on certain things. Felt better somehow but still in confusion. Dilemma.

The next day had to go for this Customer Mania course thingy at Toa Payoh. Took almost the whole day. Ended at 6 and had to proceed back to work. How lethargic can it be. Then lotsa customers coming in. Imagine lah..Very tiring for us. Until about 11pm then we had our rest. Monday was an off day so spent the day sleeping in. Well, not really. Could only slept in until 2pm. 1/4 wanted to meet up so yeah..Promised her to be present by 230 but I end up reaching the place at 3 instead. Cos I fell back to sleep after she msged me which is at 130pm. Haha..Just too tired lah..Sorry hor..Then went to citylink and get some stuffs and both of us don't know where to go already. Then headed home..

Exam results gonna be out next week. Just realised that when Kak Sally told me yesterday. Haha...I thought it's gonna be out in 2 weeks time. Lol..Well, gotta be prepared for the worst, huh..Well, it's this date again..The date where I was blissed for a while. I didn't want to remember it but just when I looked at the date on my watch, memories gushed into my head like a bullet train. I didn't even have the time to stop or prevent it. Memories come and go. At the end of the day, it will only become a part of us. There's nothing much we can do about it.

Pretty much happy with my current state. Even though there may be times which I totally broke down thinking about why I'm like this, why I can't seem to be the old self kinda thing..Even at this instance, I'm just thoughtless as what's going on with me. Oh well, I guess I just gotta go with the flow like what others said. Which I think is better too lah...

Everything is unpredictable.

2006-04-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

Boy, am I glad to hear the news. My net friend is finally hitched with the one he love most. I'm happy for him. After all those, they are together. And now that they are together, they want to help me with my problem. Hah..Sorry, but me and that person ain't no longer contacting. No reason why. It suddenly stopped. Thanks for the thought, though..This net friend of mine used to have the same problems as me hence we kinda like understand and confided in each other. Kept giving him advices and stuffs. I still remembered how sad he was during that time. Now, he's back to his normal, jovial self. May you and your girl be blessed always.

Well, irony it may seem that I kept advising and encouraging people but when it comes to myself, nothing can be done. Like what I told that friend of mine, I've quit hoping. Especially on these kinda thing. I find it useless, hoping for things which will never happen. It's just a waste of time. My work mate once asked when I'm gonna get attached. I simply told her, I'm not for it this instance and I immediately went on to other topic. It may seem that I'm running away. But no. I just don't want to think about it. If it meant to happen, then I accept. If not, there's no point in talking or dreaming about things like this. I may sound like I'm giving up totally on the big word. RELATIONSHIP. However, I'm not. Well, maybe partially. Hah...What's the difference anyway. I'm still young and why do I have to strain myself with these kinda matter? It's still too early to talk about serious committments, ain't it. Besides, I'm only turning 19 this year. So yeah...Pointless thinking abt it.

Oh, I eventually became a victim of someone's mood swing at work just now. Like what the fish..If you're not happy with me, we can just talk it out. However, if it's someone else who makes you rage with mad, why the hack must you let it out on me? What do you think am I? Yeah, it seems that you've been doing it all along and I just kept mum about it. There's a limit to everything, don't you think so? I don't know why you've been acting like this since that complication matter. Just get over it and start anew lah..Why must I be the victim over and over again..Maybe it's just me. I don't understand and I doubt I ever will.

2006-04-05T01:29:00.000-07:00

Finally, changed my layout and url after like using it for a year. Just felt like the whole thing should be revamp kinda thing. So yeah..I'm not creative AT ALL so it's just plain skin thingy. All those html codes and stuffs, oh they make my head spin. So I just do whatever I know. Better ain't it..Hah..

Oh yeah, my dearest Levi's Jeans got dirtied by mud. Dammit. It was raining heavily this noon and I was heading back home and hurried myself as I didn't bring any umbrella. However, I didn't realise that I walked on a patch of mud. Reached home and changed and tada...I saw the 'artwork' at the back of my jeans. How 'nice' it is. All filled with mud. Hopefully, it'll be as clean as new after washing it. Hah..

My dearest sis is back at work again. How delighted I was, working with her. Another sister also coming back to work this Thursday after taking a break from urm..Some complications. It's really a pleasure to have wonderful people around you. Other than that, I think I'm missing Mr Bro..Haven't been working with him since last week. Or rather since he gave me that 'trademark' of his. Heard that he'll be on tomorrow so yeah..Looking forward to it.

How nice it is to be in holiday mode. Sleep late as usual and woke up even later. Lols..Whole day doing nothing except sleeping, being online or Naruto Marathon-ing. I don't even care if I had my meal or not. Heh..However, kinda missing the usual peeps. Councillor mates esp. The laughters, jokes and all. Haiss...Hmmm....Oh yeah, the BBQ for the sec sch peeps, which I had in mind initially on the 15th, is officially CANCELLED. Looking at the response I got and also the budget, and also the weather these few days...They aren't too good. So yeah, I decided to let it go. So now, I don't have to think of the amount of money I need for the stuffs. I can use it for other purposes!!! How great...So yeah, well, if you want any gathering, maybe we just meet up for a meal or a movie....Better that way ain't it...I'm just tired of doing things when people don't really reciprocate...

Feel like going out but there's no destination and no company. So bored..Sometimes, being single has its disadvantages somehow, eh? However, it's wonderful too. I think maybe the advantages of being single are more than the disadvantages. To each it own lah eh..A year plus, leading this this kinda life. What more can I ask for? The feeling is just, undescribable? Well, um..ok lah..Till here...=)

2006-04-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

And so it seems that my exams are OVER!! Haha...Now comes the holidays..Till 2nd May. This holiday is seriously well deserved for us for not having any since the term started last year. Oh well, next term starts on 2nd May. It marks the 2nd Year. Hopefully, I'm able to pass the exams and proceed to 2nd year. I ain't want to take any repeat modules. Going through them once is enough. Let's just see how it goes when I get my results on the 21st April.

Enough of studying, now's the time to work. Gonna commit myself to work almost everyday. Or I'll be bored to death at home. Other than that, gotta go back to school in late April, to help out in the orientation thingy for new intakes on May that is. Councillors joining hands with Bridge Leaders for this thing. May everything turn out well. There's gonna be a bbq on this 4th. Only 'Ok Best pham' people. However, I couldn't turn up for it due to work. Got new staffs and got to train them on work. Seriously sorry people. Another pit coming up on the 15th. With the Sec Sch peeps. I have no comments abt this lah. Just gotta see how it turns out.

Other than that, am still flu-ing away. For the past 3 weeks. Just because of walking in the rain. Well, it wasn't actually raining lah. It's just drizzling. Thus getting the flu. I always get sick. That's seriously no good. Now, throat's giving me problems. Haiss...

Oh yeah, I'm gonna prove to someone that when having CRUSHES are seriously, plainly CRUSHES. They come and go. So yeah, I WON'T acknowledge it. Feelings will go away soon. It just sucks to be falling in and out again and again. If you think I'm against it, well, not really. But I'm happy the way it is. Used to take things seriously in the past and look what it has done to me. Hence, I've learnt not to take EVERY SINGLE THING really seriously. I mean, yeah, there must be things which we as humans, gotta take seriously, but not all. This reminds me. I dreamt of the past person last night. Like why the hack must I dream of him when we haven't been talking since like dunno when??!! Whatever it is, it's just a lousy dream.

Well, before I go, here's something...

Why do we hurt the ones we love,
the one we need most?
Why do we take advantage
of their unwavering trust?
Is it because we wonder
if their love is real,
and will they always be here
through all our ups and downs?
Are we afraid to love and
even more afraid to trust?
Could it be we're insecure and
we need to test their love?
Do we feel love can't be trusted
because we've been hurt before,
while searching for happiness?
Why not let it go?

2006-03-28T22:04:00.000-08:00

I'm super bored lah ok..Won't be working till Thursday due to exams. Now I feel the boredom when I rot at home. Maybe cos I'm too used to working till late at night. So yeah..Just don't know what to do at home.

Was home by 11.30 am just now. Finished my paper in an hour and went home straight. Both EVM and BZC was kinda ok lah...Except for the part that I got some facts mixed up for EVM..haha..Oh well, it's over already anyways. 2 down, 1 more to go. PR. That seriously sucks. It'll be on Thursday and start at 3pm, mind you. Till 530pm. How GREAT can that be? I got mates finishing their paper in the noon and can enjoy already whereas I gotta butt myself till 530pm in the evening. No school tomorrow. More boredom. Gonna sleep in till noon or maybe evening. There's simply nothing to do even if I were to wake up in the morning. Night's the time where I can study. So yeah...Siansation.

It's only been 2 days of no work, yet..Hmms..I don't know man. When I'm working, I feel that I should be at home, relaxing and enjoying myself. However, when I'm at home, I feel that I should be working. Why eh? Is it cos of the environment?? Guess so...I feel better working but sometimes it kinda sucks too. Well..Will get back to work on Friday. 2 more days. I'm already missing Mr M. I miss his hugs and the smell of his hair. Haha...Kept asking me how nice his hair smells that day. Crazy guy...No matter how crazy he is, he's still my 'darling' at work..Lols..He almost got into an accident last Sunday, just in front of the work place. That really shocked me. Was raining heavily that day hence the road was all slippery. Kept reminding him to ride safely but still he's persistent in doing it. They just don't know how to ride safely huh...Luckily, he's fine. Perfectly fine. Huge sigh of relief was let out by Yours Truly. =) I wonder if he's working on Friday...I want to get my hug from him..He's just nice to hug. Hehe...

Hmms...What else...TV shows getting lamer by the day. Spend my time either online-ing, sleeping or Naruto Marathon-ing. Talking abt Naruto, still got 60 plus more eps to go..I think I'm able to finish them by the end of my hols. It's coming soon btw. It's this FRIDAY!!! Wee...
Till then, naruto marathon-ing again.

Au revoir~

2006-03-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, finally, ALL the projects are done!!!!!! Can heave a huge sigh of relief. Had the press conference on Thurs, EVM and PR presentations early this week. Aaaahhhh.....The projects stress period is over and now comes the exam fever. 2 more weeks to exam. Haven't even started studying. Books remain at the same place still- locker in the SC room. Hah, gd example ain't it.

Debarment list was out on Thursday, and well, just as I thought, my name was there. However, I was being debarred for the wrong module. What the hacks! It's supposed to be PR cos my PR attendance was much more worse yet, they had me debar for BZC. Wahlau...Was supposed to write letter of appeal to the section head by this 20th. However again, I decided to check with my CA about my attendance percentage. BZC was 89% whereas PR was 84%. The debarment method are for those attendees who reach below 85% and as you can see I was among one of them, for my PR that is. Only one percent, such a big deal meh, I thought to myself. Well, hell yeah it is. However again, haha...So many however..My CA has talked to my section head abt it and she agreed to let me sit for the exam. Great ain't it. Another huge sigh of relief. So meaning, I ain't on any debarment now. Three cheers for me!!! Hah..So much for the letter of appeal I already wrote. Which was only a rough one though. Now, what I have to do is to buck up on my attendance till the exam comes. Darn, that's like 2 more weeks which is equivalent to 10 more days. Woah...This is hard.

Ok that aside, now comes my SC. The seniors are leaving in a matter of time. Gonna miss some of them pretty loads. Monster, Spongebob enemy, Beyonce and also my beloved manager. Times spent with them was a really memorable one. Especially during the camp. Cried during the AGM, thinking abt what I have done to my ex manager regarding my attendance and detention. Hahaha....Lols..Talking abt camp, it was seriously wonderful!!! Good job 15th EXCO!!! Even though my hand was injured the day before the camp and had to be bandaged, I enjoyed myself real loads. With the 'campfire' in the hall, the Questpoint at ITE Yishun. It was great moments with the SC peeps. I became one of the trainers and I gotta say my group simply rocks!! Even though we didn't win anything, the bond we had during the camp was important. Didn't want to sleepover at first, but when it was already 10pm and the 'campfire' thingy is not done yet, I decided to stay on. Called home and tell them I wasn't coming back. So yeah, didn't pack anything at all. As in extra clothes, pants or whatever that's being needed in a camp. Didn't even bath for the camp. In the morning, just get a shirt from my 'bro' and changed into it. Washed up and yeah..Haha...The new probation councillors are great bunch of people. I have already listed down my faves. My buddies of course and a few others like Arina and Mustafa. I really hope they will get to join us as a certified councillor.

Other than that, work has been good. Some changes in the people there but I let it off lah, even though it kinda bothers me. What to do, people do change. Can't expect them to stay the same way forever, ain't it.

Besides that, personal life has been pretty fine for me. Busy with stuffs esp planning for the upcoming chalet for the sec sch peeps. How I miss them so..Next, I can't be bothered already. Seriously. People coming in and out of my life. One moment you're contactable, the other moment you're not. Consider yourself as my friend but I don't see it as one. Well, up to you people...If you were to contact me back one day, I will surely reply. I ain't someone who forget my FRIENDS easily. I treasure every single one of them. SERIOUSLY.

Oh yeah, Dad's back to work now. Syukur Alhamdulilah. He passed his taxi driver's test and is a certified one now. Started driving yesterday. Feel happy for him but on the other hand, worried for his safety. Now, it seems that nothing is really safe. Well, taxi drivers being robbed, murdered and etc. I really hope none will happen to my dad. Dear GOD, please look after him.

Well, this is it. Don't know when I'll post again. Hah. Sorry for the long entry ayte. =)
Till then, au revoir.

2006-03-16T13:04:00.000-08:00

Will update soon....Kinda lazy right now...*winks*

2006-03-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

Ok here I am back on track again. Been busy with projects, presentations and stuffs. Too packed up with school life. My BZC presentation was ok, I guess. And yeah the result was that I managed to pass. That was quite a relief. Other than that, PR project is done except for the presentation which will be scheduled next week. Left with the Press Conference and EVM. The more I think of it, the more tense I get..

So yeah, the new intake of councillors were in this week. They are kinda cool. Some still kinda shy though. Gonna have a camp this coming Friday and Saturday. The worst thing is that we're going to Macritchie Resevoir AGAIN.....Super Sians...Why can't it be other places?? Haiss...Not so sure whether I'm really looking forward to it or not.

28 Feb. Exactly 3 years she has gone to face the Almighty. 3 years living without her is a nightmare indeed. 3 years of struggling but I know there's more to come. Never ever give up was what people told me to. It's tough. What people see is not what they get. I'm the one who's in the situation and only those in the same predicament as mine will truly understand. One more year and I'm off to adulthood. I wonder how's life gonna be for me in years to come. Happy yet emotionally disturbed inside. This feeling without her is seriously unbearable. May you rest in peace, Mum. Amin.

Going to Hadah's chalet later on for her birthday celebration. Cousin is here to transfer songs. So yeah..Be back again soon. Take care all..

2006-02-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

Bloody hell

One after another

This time around, kinda serious? Was told by Mr Bro that someone told him that I was beaten up. Wahlaus...Like super lame. All these while, no one ever beat me up and yet there are stories that I was beaten up. When Mr Bro asked me about it, I was freaking shocked. He asked whether it's true or not. And of course, it's not!!! When I asked him who told that, he claimed that I don't need to know. What the hacks..Asked him again and again, but still, he was persistent about not telling me. I just wonder who the hack has been telling stories about me. What can they gain from doing this, I wonder. Utter childish-ness. Now, I have to be wary, I reckon. Haha..But seriously, I can't stop laughing about this matter. I mean, yeah..Nisa got beaten up cos of a guy problem???!!! Goodness...I won't fight with anyone over a guy lah..Wahlau...

The world is full of complications...

2006-02-18T02:15:00.000-08:00

Why can't people simply understand me??

Why can't people take it that I'm just being myself?

Why must people keep telling me to give chances and take the opportunity?

Why can't people see that it hurts to be in my situation?

Why can't people see that the more it hurt others, the more it hurts me?

Why is it that people think I love hurting and disappoint others?

Why can't people just accept the fact that I seriously have no feelings for anything/anyone at all?

I know I've broke a few hearts but what's the point in holding on when you know everything is fake? I don't want to be in one just for the sake of it. I want it to be filled with love. But the things now is, I simply have no feeling for anyone at all...I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. It's like, if I were to go for it even without any feeling, I would be cheating myself and my partner. I would be living in a world of deceit. A world of hypocrisy. I don't want that. I know people are happy that they finally see a change in me. Esp one of my bro. He was extremely happy for me. However, without any feelings, do you think a relationship would blossom? Even though I'm back on the right track, I seriously have no heart feelings for anyone in particular. Why can't people see that? Why can't they understand my plight? It's just not easy to fall in love. I can't force myself to be in one, ain't it. What's the use if there's nothing in it. It's just wasting me and my partner's time. I thank all those who have showered their love for me. I rejected cos of a reason. You guys have done no wrong towards me. I just can't go on living a lie. It hurts me more than it hurts you. I myself don't understand why I can't have even a tiny weeny feeling for you. All I know is, I'm fine this way. I prefer it to be this way, at least for now. Single and unattached. I'm just so terrible at judging myself.

Someone, take a gun and kill me. Adios~

2006-02-16T19:11:00.000-08:00

V'day in school was a blast!!! Well, I didn't celebrate it but we had fun. The members of SC's was very hyper...Esp darling and that monster. Both drive me mad. Nevertheless, I love them. And thanks darling for that cute lil towel!!! I seriously love it. She gave me a COOKIE MONSTER towel which is darn cute and nice. It's in my fave colour some more. Woah...Pure happiness. Lols..Iqah also gave us, the Ok Best pham, something. A lovely cute heart-shaped card with the "Happy V'day" greeting. She did it herself. Sooo damn cute..

Work during V'day seriously sucks. It was damn packed by 6pm when I reached. Wahlau...I thought it's just gonna be another plain weekday, but hell no. People came streaming in and out of the restaurant non-stop. That again, drives the staffs mad.

Finally relented and went to the docs after being sick for more than a week. Docs said I got bronchitis. Thus the non-stop coughing. Bleargh..Had been sick for 2 weeks then recover a few days then sick again. What the hacks...Absent from school again just now. This time around, with MC. Same goes for work. I'm so tired of being sick. Hopefully, I can get well by the end of the week. Thanks adek and kakak, I love you many2 too..!!!! =)

Tomorrow, no lesson. Apart from an hour of pathetic PR. Then we are gonna have some games going on. Involves the whole of year one admin students. Heard from Kak Sally that it's gonna be fun. Iqah and Hana told me the same thing too. Am looking forward towards it. But...I think I'm gonna wear slippers lah...Lazy to wear shoes can. At the most, I will participate without any footwear. Haha...Good example of SC, not.

Well, end here then. So Long...

2006-02-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

2 disappointment in 3 straight days. Why is that people like to disappoint me? Is it a pleasure to be disappointed?

My best brother of all disappoint me with his O level results. Did badly for them. Now, planning to retake it this year. Same year with the gf. I seriously don't have anything or grudges against her but what happened to your results is partly cos of her. You told me you will not disappoint me and just concentrate on your studies and set aside your heart matters. But I don't see them in you. I felt that you were too involved in your relationship till your studies were abandoned. Still remember how you keep coming to me asking me for help when you had problems with her? It's not that I don't wanna help you in solving it but I felt that you should give your relationship matter a rest and concentrate fully on your O's. Now, everything has floped and you are very devastated by it. I can feel what you're feeling as I've gone through that phase before. Then you are telling me that you'll be retaking your O's and kept assuring me that this time you can do it. I don't know, my dear bro. It's not that I don't believe or trust you but once bitten, twice shy. Furthermore, this year, she'll be doing her O's too. And that means you guys will be seeing each other everyday. Now, tell me. How are you going to divert your attention to studies only? I can only give you moral support and motivation. At the end of the day, IT's ALL UP TO YOU.

Another 'brother'. Another shock. Utterly speechless by her actions. Said something but mean another. Action speaks louder than words ain't it. After all that has been said and done last 2 weeks, you still never change. In front of us, you said this. However, you actually meant something else. Broke my sister's heart just to be with someone whom you've only known for a few pathetic days. Still remember how you PROMISED to me to look after her and not hurt her and stuffs. Now, all your 'so called promises' are actually bullshit which made me believe in them. You are scared to leave her just because you don't want to lose me and your 'daddy'. Hence, you lied saying that, yeah you'll choose my sister instead of that girl. So, what has happened now? After a long talk with my sister and that girl, you finally made your decision and that is to be with that girl. You have yet to tell me about it but I know it from my sister. Even 'daddy' doesn't know anything about it. Cos why? You guys don't want to spoil the fun you guys will be having tomorrow as it's 'daddy's birthday. Imagine what will happen and how will 'daddy' react to it upon knowing everything. I wonder how long are you going to play this game. Not telling me anything and also not telling 'daddy' anything. Sister is now begging me not to disregard you as my brother. Tell me, should I or should I not? You played us around and like a fool we believed you. I got nothing else to say to you. All the best with that new girl of yours.

Funny how complicated love can be. People are willing to do anything for their loved ones. That I don't deny. Sometimes, me too does that. However, when the things they do destroy their loved ones, is it good or bad? Maybe at some point, it is. It all depends on the situation. Things like this make me think twice about going into a relationship, AGAIN.

We know how we feel for each other. But like I told you, it's not you. It's just plain me. Yeah, I know it's not fair not to give others a chance just because we've been hurt once. Took quite some time for me to recover fully, hence I need ample time to accept you. Yes, you said we're not rushing for anything yet. But seeing the way things are now, is like...We ARE already an item when we are actually not. You told me I can just back off but it's not easy to do so once I've fallen inside. I don't enjoy hurting people like what people. Cos I know it seriously sucks. Taking it easy is all we can do now, ain't it.

Aaanyways, though I don't celebrate it, here's wishing everyone out there a very
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!! May you savour those special moments with your loved ones. Love them and not hurt them. Till then, take care.

2006-02-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

* The SCs without the ties!!!

2006-02-09T23:59:00.000-08:00

* No words can describe the atmosphere

2006-02-09T23:56:00.000-08:00

* Ok Best pham+ 3 of the Only_us pham

2006-02-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

* One of my darlings

2006-02-09T23:50:00.000-08:00

* Anxiety in us

2006-02-09T23:49:00.000-08:00

* Girl power??

2006-02-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

* Caveman, They were friggin cute!!!!

2006-02-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

* One of the stuffs they gave