AfterRain Rainbow

Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.

Kit McCallum

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

12th april reminds me of something somehow. Should I acknowledge it or just pretend that it never happens?? I guess, it never meant to happen at all. I guess, I have been dreaming all this while..Maybe, I've been dreaming for way too long..I need a slap of reality. Can someone help me do so? Maybe, there already is a someone who has awaken me from this dream. That friend of mine never fails to keep advising me over and over again. Never fails to encourage me. That friend of mine has also suffered the same fate as me. That is why that friend could understand exactly what my predicament is all abt. That friend has been drilling the same thing in my mind for the past months. But again, I refused to acknowledge it. I respect that someone as a friend..A strong one at that. If that friend could do it and face the world bravely, why couldn't I?? Why am I acting this way? Am I doing more harm to myself?

I thought to myself. Maybe, I'm afraid to face the truth. Afraid the facts. But then again, no...It's not that I'm afraid to face it. I fear that I don't have enough strength to face everything at one shot. Once, my world has turned bleak due to a loss dearly to me. However, I bravely faced the storms that were wrecking my life. Then, again..Another bleak happened. Why couldn't I do the same thing and face it bravely? What's the difference now that I can't face it on my own? I've always been on my own, haven't I?? Hence, what's stopping me to be on my own feet again?? Why must I cling onto things which have already past? No, it's not a past just as yet. It's still happening. And I have no answer as to when will it stop playing..I don't want to play this silly game anymore. My opponent is far too strong for me to overcome.

I really need to go away as soon as possible. And, yes..The day will come soon.

'Just because I don't say things doesn't mean I don't feel them'.

*OvEr aNd oUtz*

Fullstop at
5:38 PM