Sunday, December 31, 2006
So, been missing out on here a lot, haven't I..Anyway, SALAM AIDILADHA and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all. One more week left before school reopens. Dreadness coming back. Well, been spending almost every single day at work. From evening till 3 am in the morning. Never fail to hang around with the colleagues after work. Release boredom. No one's at home anyway. So I don't see the point in returning home early when I know I'll be alone, every night. Might as well I waste my time away with friends, even though we talk nonsensically sometimes. Work's been great as usual despite the fact that the orders were like water flowing, especially during the Christmas eve, Christmas itself, NYE and still to come. Tomorrow. New Year itself. Gotta be prepare for the 'battle'. Heh.
Ok now, totally different case. I still don't understand what is his motive. Being nice and mushy and all those goody-goody stuffs then being rude, harsh and acts like a freaking jerk at times. It's been a year yet I still couldn't manage to understand him. As in WHO/WHAT is the REAL HIM. I just find it hard to trust. Yes, no doubt I was jealous when I got to know that story from my brother. Boy, I was just as shocked. And I almost spilled the beans over to him, last night. And we almost fought. But things returned calm when he started to smile and laugh again. And I don't know what is fucking wrong with me when even after all the harsh/stupid words he spouted, even though it's meant as a joke, I will still apologize at the end of the day. That was what I did last night. And yes, true enough, I've been living a lie all these while. I didn't really mean what I said abt him. My good friend expected it already so there goes all the nagging and stuffs...It's hard indeed..But well, he's going to serve the nation next week. No doubt I'm gonna miss him damn much, but I guess it's for my own good too. Heh..As for family wise, I guess that's it. I'm washing my hands off, with regards to that matter. Simply put, I'm giving up. I don't want to interfere anymore. I just don't understand nor know what's the freaking plan and what things are gonna be like. I've had enough of asking and helping..And yes, told Dad that it was super duper hard for me to accept the whole damn thing. It may be easy for my siblings but not for me. I merely spouted the truth cos I could hold on no longer. I'm tired of waiting abt what's gonna happen and stuffs..Very irritating lah..Haven't been meeting up most of my regular friends due to shortness of time. Am really sorry abt that. Will make it up to you people as soon as possible. Hmms...What else...Some people have been asking me what's my new year resolution. Frankly, I've none. And to me I don't think it's important. To each it's own, of course. Certain friends have like those simple yet tough ones. Like quit smoking/drinking/clubbing..Some is to get a license..And all other sorts of resolution. But as for yours truly, nahs...I just live the year as it is. All I care right now is to buck up on my freaking attendance and graduate in 2 months time. I wouldn't want to stay in that school for another year anymore, hence this is the time for me to improve..Haha..Like real..I guess I'll be back some other time...Meanwhile, ENJOY YOUR 2007!!! =)
Fullstop at
11:55 PM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The time which I've been waiting for is FINALLY here...3 weeks..In that same period, I'll be slogging my time away at work. Cos there's practically nothing for me to do at home except sleeping and onlining, which I always do after work. So yeah..Gonna earn myself some bucks..
Work life has been fairly good. One new familiar face at work. Well, on the other hand, I feel like I'm in the middle, btwn a manager and a friend. As much as I want to help that friend of mine, I have to understand my manager's position also. Seriously, I don't want to disappoint either yet it seems nothing can be done to attend to both party. Gosh..Stucked I am..Another matter is weighing on my mind currently. Gotta attend this special course which I MUST pass. It will occur in abt a month's time. I really got loads of stuffs to learn and remember. Plus take it into practice. I could not let anyone esp my brother cum Supervisor or Manager down. Am already feeling the pressure. Very very tense.
Home wise. I still can't convince dad about not moving house. Everything's gonna change in a matter of 2 months time. My whole life will be affected. Good or bad, I can't predict. Hopefully, it's gonna be GOOD. Still hard to say lah...Tsk..Dad told me not to worry nor think too much, but I can't help not thinking abt it EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
Social life is getting lesser and lesser each day. It's always the same old thing again and again. Work to home. Home to work. Which I think is ok, at least for now. Living my own life. Been 3 years living it like this. Am enjoying as much as I can even though at times, it can be a real agony. Heh..Maybe it's just not the time yet..Haha..Yeah right..!!!Anyway, to Darling Nana, I'm glad you took that path. Good that you've moved on..Very happy for you. May all be well always and tresure every moment spent ok..? I wish you all the best!! =)I'm scared that the old 'thing' might come back again. I don't wish to go through it again unless it's a real SERIOUS thing this time round. Haiss...
Fullstop at
11:29 PM
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Problems arising between friends now. Could not agree with each other, no longer understand nor need each other. No longer talk. No longer share things with each other. Throwing faces at each other. No more laughters or smiles. The close friendship bond which was once there, simply vanished into thin air. I wonder why. Why this had to happen only now and add to the problems I'm having...It's just one after another.
"TO COMPARE AND TO LOSE HOPE."
Fullstop at
1:34 AM
Monday, December 04, 2006
Finally, I've blurt it out. Almost felt like crying just now. But I forced back the tears. Told Dad almost everything about it. Even mentioned the exact word which I've been feeling. He said he understands and knows how I've been feeling. Not that I doubt him, but it's still kinda unclear. It's just so hard to have an adult to adult talk with him, without the siblings interfering. Damn!Now, all I have to do is to muster the strength and courage to talk to 'them'. Things are so much difficult than I thought.
Fullstop at
11:43 PM
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Firstly, I would like to thank Aini and Hana, for being there when I was in Mrs Heng's office, the other day. Not only that, I really appreciate your concern about me and other stuffs. Yes, no doubt it's hard to handle but I guess at that moment of time, my mind was in a super mess hence THAT decision. After the talk with her, I guess I gotta change my thinking and yeah, what she said was indeed true. Be it or be it not I something-something, that particular thing will still happen and life still has to go on. Dearest Aini and Hana, thanks for bringing me back when I was already on the verge of 'surrendering'. I will try to stay strong for as long as I can cos after all I'm only a human with weak feelings.
It's already December. End of the year. 2 more weeks to holidays and abt 3 more months to graduation. That 3 more months can be a living hell for me, though. I am already struggling hard enough for the days passing by, what more 3 MORE months!! I have to keep telling myself to endure, endure and endure. Tough, it's gonna be. What shall I do after grad? Work, of course. As to whether I continue studying or not, will consider about it later. Like what and how it's always been, School's a drag. But without it, you can't live in here. Certificates are vital in Singapore, so it seems.2nd December. HER birthday. She would have turned 48 this year. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM.The change has already happened. Though it's not an official thing yet, it has still happened. And sadly, I'm not really satisfied with it but jealousy took over me instead. I'm at my wits' end, STILL.
Fullstop at
1:20 AM
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