Friday, November 24, 2006
So it's done. Sister has got back her PSLE results, which I'm pretty proud of. Was utterly surprised when I saw my sister's name on the powerpoint slide which the principal was showing, in the hall. Well, she emerged as one of the Top Student for her Em3 cohort. Upon seeing that, I was exhilirated and sorta shouted for my dad cos at that point of time, me and dad were kinda separated due to the massive crowd. Without realising it, tears nearly fell down my cheeks. In fact, my aunt was already tearing when she saw my sister's name too. I then heaved a huge sigh of relief cos I know that my sister managed to clear the first step of the hurdle. I'm sure mum would have been very proud and happy for her, if she was still living. Nevertheless, I'm sure she's feeling that way up there too.
Mum, sister is now going on a different stage of life. Secondary School life that is. She's becoming a teenager. I'm sure you know how teenager lead their life right? Well, I was once there and I know you had a hard time nurturing me to become a good teen. Now that it's sister's turn, I'm feeling scared and nervous yet delighted for her. She's growing up. Dear Mum, please look after her and also after us. The whole family. We really miss you. Am now just waiting for the school results as to which school she'll be posted to. Hopefully, the ones which she wanted or those near our living area. Insyallah.
Anyway, the crappy partner has gone to HK for a few days. I seriously thought her flight is gonna be next week, when in fact it was actually at 11am just now!! How silly of me to forget that!! She gave me an email before leaving cos we could not get through each other on msn last night. I cried while reading that. Was in school having CDP lesson, mind you. Her content was simply touching hence the tears. Even though she did insert some humor, it did not help much. It's such irony on how we became really good friends when we rarely see or talk to each other in school. Well mate, that's how life is huh. Too many ironical matters. I'm glad to be your friend, even though you drive me nuts sometimes. Shall be waiting for you next week then. Have a safe journey through and fro ya. I miss you too!! =)Am still worried for granny's condition. I know it's not gonna be for long but losing her will obviously change things. No matter what, I could just pray and hope that she'll hold on for as long as she can.
Fullstop at
3:03 PM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I've forgotten what I'm supposed to blog about but here's one on my mind. Didn't intend on attending the SC grad party for the Nitec Students at first, however, during sch hours, my few fave nitec people were like asking to go plus the rest from my lovable batch. Well then, I decided to go home and change even if it means getting back to sch later in the evening. However, things went a different way when I was called by my cousin saying that my granny is seriously sick. Was super shocked of course. Wasn't in a right state of mind at that point of time. Am just scared that the worst will happen.
Dad then fetched me at Bishan. Hurriedly went home, changed and got to my cousin's place. Simply cried upon seeing my granny's condition like that. She could not talk and she was behaving very awkwardly. It's like, it's not her at all. I was really really scared that time. I was already imagining things. Then, more weird things started to happen. My aunt's nephew from the other side then arrived and said some prayers. Which then caused my granny to suddenly fall flat on her bed. For a moment I thought that was the end. But Thank God, she's still alive. Everything seems to be ok. At least for now. I just hope that whatever was in her and whoever did that to her, will get it's ample retribution. Btw, I would like to apologize to those who were expecting me to be present for the party yesterday, for not being able to attend in the end. To Haziq, Liana, Syirah, Aini, Nana, Jannah, Faisal plus the organisers Shariman and Eunice, am deeply sorry about the whole thing. =(
Life's been fairly ok. School's a dread, as always. Attendance is simply atrocious. Tried motivating myself but it didn't turn out good. Will always end up in bed after the alarm sounds. Been missing out a lot on school modules. Projects and more of it coming. Date dues soon. Still, can't seem to bother much about it. Been having people nagging/scolding at me for not going to school. Can't seem to care much about SC stuffs either. Am simply not interested. I don't know why.
Yes, some may say that I'm not the same person as last time. I agree to that. I'm not the old NISA you people knew. What brought about the changes, you guys might wonder? Well, am not too sure myself. It's like I'm living this life hypocritically. Am a different person: in school, at work and at home. Each places has its own way of how I'm supposed to be. People knew me as a loud, cheery, bubbly and jovial girl. However, I'm now getting comments that I'm not talking much, no longer mingle around with people, rarely see me smile, what more laugh. People are asking what's wrong with me. I will just repeat the same thing; Nothing.
There's always a certain time whereby someone goes through a huge change in themselves, right? I guess this is mine.
Family wise. Things are beginning to portray differently. I sometimes feel left out even in my own family. Not that my siblings and dad don't share stuffs with me, it's another thing. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or over sensitive about it. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Either way, I'm know that I'm not really feeling good accepting the whole thing. Am seriously vexed over it. It's gonna happen sooner or later, so why not now? I just want to get it over and done with. I just want to stop thinking about it again and again. It's really tiring. Urgh!!
Anyways, sister's getting her PSLE results tomorrow. Wonder how she'll fare. Time flies fast indeed. She's going into her teenage years soon enough. If only SHE was still here. Guess this is it.
Fullstop at
10:30 PM
Friday, November 10, 2006
Yesterday, had a talk abt LOVE, RELATIONSHIP and SEX after our lessons. Upon hearing this topic being brought up by the panel speaker, I was immediately turned off by it. I felt like just walking out of the auditorium and head home. Sadly, I can't. So yeah, was stucked abt an hour in there. There they were talking abt what does LOVE actually mean, what's the difference btwn LOVE, LUST and INFATUATION. How important communication and spending QUALITY TIME when being in a relationship. Lastly, how SEX is not the MAIN FACTOR in a relationship.
There were some truths in what they talked about according to their experiences. I don't deny that I have been in that situation before years back. Wasn't a nice thing, though. So wouldn't want to recall those horrid moments. Heh..What attracts me most was towards the ending whereby the woman speaker said something which goes, "Live a lie- take as though the relationship did not matter/happened at all". That struck my mind.
Why? Cos that was just what I did after that whole incident happened last time. I pretended that the relationship did not occur at all. And it was just a wishful thinking on my part. I lied my way through those past few months. Reality hurts, no doubt. Up till now, I have not gotten the exact answer as to why IT ended, SILENTLY that is. I used to urge the past to tell me the reason but days, months, years..Nothing came out. So I guess the past has his reasons not to tell me or maybe I just should not bother myself with it after all. Well, I did. People around me had a hard time telling me off, advising, brainwashing my mind and stuffs.
I guess I was too naive back then to know what's the real meaning of LOVE. Maybe it was just LIKE. A crush thingy. Or maybe it's an INFATUATION. Now, being a year away from adulthood, I'm beginning to understand and see things in a different perspective. I'm beginning to accept things which I could not last time. But one thing for sure, which my very good friend has to keep reminding me, is that I should create opportunities, for others but most importantly, for myself.Here's something which I took during the talk.
And this is just when you're bored at home with no plans at all.
Till then, I'm finally back to work later in the evening after 4 days of no work. =)
Fullstop at
1:59 PM
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Seriously, I don't know what are you thinking about at times..You can be an asshole and a jerk sometimes, and also a very very nice guy at another time. Just what is it that you are tryna potray??!!! I seriously have not gotten the answer as to your changes. You seem to be a totally different person now. You were not like this back then. Fine if you've a girlfriend, but do you think I give a damn?? Even so, you should not treat me this way. One moment you're sucha smooth talker and talks nicely, while another moment you can just burst into anger and shout and talk rudely and be rough to me. WHAT THE FUCK??!!! On the phone, you're oh-so-yourself. But when we meet, it's like a totally different you. I seriously don't understand why you have to act this way. Your language when on the phone and when at work is super different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being used. Being used by YOU. You will only come to me when you need help hence will be nice to me. If not, you treat me like I'm not your friend. Like come on!! I'm beginning to hate you even more. It's like how happy I am to see you, it's that same amount of hatred when you treat me like this. How can you be a jerk and nice guy at the same time, I wonder? And why does this kinda treatment always happen to me and not others??
YOU ARE JUST NOT YOU ANYMORE...I'm growing tired of your nonsense day by day. Still, I don't know why I still persists in helping you whenever you need help. Still, I don't know why I think of you sometimes. Still, I don't know why just looking at you could bring a smile to my face. I don't understand you, your character/behavior and your nonsense.
MOST OF ALL I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF. WHY MUST SHITTY THINGS HAPPEN, I WONDER.
Fullstop at
3:03 AM
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