Saturday, February 18, 2006
Bloody hell
One after another
This time around, kinda serious? Was told by Mr Bro that someone told him that I was beaten up. Wahlaus...Like super lame. All these while, no one ever beat me up and yet there are stories that I was beaten up. When Mr Bro asked me about it, I was freaking shocked. He asked whether it's true or not. And of course, it's not!!! When I asked him who told that, he claimed that I don't need to know. What the hacks..Asked him again and again, but still, he was persistent about not telling me. I just wonder who the hack has been telling stories about me. What can they gain from doing this, I wonder. Utter childish-ness. Now, I have to be wary, I reckon. Haha..But seriously, I can't stop laughing about this matter. I mean, yeah..Nisa got beaten up cos of a guy problem???!!! Goodness...I won't fight with anyone over a guy lah..Wahlau...
The world is full of complications...
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10:18 PM
Why can't people simply understand me?? Why can't people take it that I'm just being myself?Why must people keep telling me to give chances and take the opportunity?Why can't people see that it hurts to be in my situation?Why can't people see that the more it hurt others, the more it hurts me?Why is it that people think I love hurting and disappoint others?Why can't people just accept the fact that I seriously have no feelings for anything/anyone at all?I know I've broke a few hearts but what's the point in holding on when you know everything is fake? I don't want to be in one just for the sake of it. I want it to be filled with love. But the things now is, I simply have no feeling for anyone at all...I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. It's like, if I were to go for it even without any feeling, I would be cheating myself and my partner. I would be living in a world of deceit. A world of hypocrisy. I don't want that. I know people are happy that they finally see a change in me. Esp one of my bro. He was extremely happy for me. However, without any feelings, do you think a relationship would blossom? Even though I'm back on the right track, I seriously have no heart feelings for anyone in particular. Why can't people see that? Why can't they understand my plight? It's just not easy to fall in love. I can't force myself to be in one, ain't it. What's the use if there's nothing in it. It's just wasting me and my partner's time. I thank all those who have showered their love for me. I rejected cos of a reason. You guys have done no wrong towards me. I just can't go on living a lie. It hurts me more than it hurts you. I myself don't understand why I can't have even a tiny weeny feeling for you. All I know is, I'm fine this way. I prefer it to be this way, at least for now. Single and unattached. I'm just so terrible at judging myself.Someone, take a gun and kill me. Adios~
Thursday, February 16, 2006
V'day in school was a blast!!! Well, I didn't celebrate it but we had fun. The members of SC's was very hyper...Esp darling and that monster. Both drive me mad. Nevertheless, I love them. And thanks darling for that cute lil towel!!! I seriously love it. She gave me a COOKIE MONSTER towel which is darn cute and nice. It's in my fave colour some more. Woah...Pure happiness. Lols..Iqah also gave us, the Ok Best pham, something. A lovely cute heart-shaped card with the "Happy V'day" greeting. She did it herself. Sooo damn cute..Work during V'day seriously sucks. It was damn packed by 6pm when I reached. Wahlau...I thought it's just gonna be another plain weekday, but hell no. People came streaming in and out of the restaurant non-stop. That again, drives the staffs mad. Finally relented and went to the docs after being sick for more than a week. Docs said I got bronchitis. Thus the non-stop coughing. Bleargh..Had been sick for 2 weeks then recover a few days then sick again. What the hacks...Absent from school again just now. This time around, with MC. Same goes for work. I'm so tired of being sick. Hopefully, I can get well by the end of the week. Thanks adek and kakak, I love you many2 too..!!!! =)Tomorrow, no lesson. Apart from an hour of pathetic PR. Then we are gonna have some games going on. Involves the whole of year one admin students. Heard from Kak Sally that it's gonna be fun. Iqah and Hana told me the same thing too. Am looking forward towards it. But...I think I'm gonna wear slippers lah...Lazy to wear shoes can. At the most, I will participate without any footwear. Haha...Good example of SC, not.Well, end here then. So Long...
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7:11 PM
Monday, February 13, 2006
2 disappointment in 3 straight days. Why is that people like to disappoint me? Is it a pleasure to be disappointed?My best brother of all disappoint me with his O level results. Did badly for them. Now, planning to retake it this year. Same year with the gf. I seriously don't have anything or grudges against her but what happened to your results is partly cos of her. You told me you will not disappoint me and just concentrate on your studies and set aside your heart matters. But I don't see them in you. I felt that you were too involved in your relationship till your studies were abandoned. Still remember how you keep coming to me asking me for help when you had problems with her? It's not that I don't wanna help you in solving it but I felt that you should give your relationship matter a rest and concentrate fully on your O's. Now, everything has floped and you are very devastated by it. I can feel what you're feeling as I've gone through that phase before. Then you are telling me that you'll be retaking your O's and kept assuring me that this time you can do it. I don't know, my dear bro. It's not that I don't believe or trust you but once bitten, twice shy. Furthermore, this year, she'll be doing her O's too. And that means you guys will be seeing each other everyday. Now, tell me. How are you going to divert your attention to studies only? I can only give you moral support and motivation. At the end of the day, IT's ALL UP TO YOU.Another 'brother'. Another shock. Utterly speechless by her actions. Said something but mean another. Action speaks louder than words ain't it. After all that has been said and done last 2 weeks, you still never change. In front of us, you said this. However, you actually meant something else. Broke my sister's heart just to be with someone whom you've only known for a few pathetic days. Still remember how you PROMISED to me to look after her and not hurt her and stuffs. Now, all your 'so called promises' are actually bullshit which made me believe in them. You are scared to leave her just because you don't want to lose me and your 'daddy'. Hence, you lied saying that, yeah you'll choose my sister instead of that girl. So, what has happened now? After a long talk with my sister and that girl, you finally made your decision and that is to be with that girl. You have yet to tell me about it but I know it from my sister. Even 'daddy' doesn't know anything about it. Cos why? You guys don't want to spoil the fun you guys will be having tomorrow as it's 'daddy's birthday. Imagine what will happen and how will 'daddy' react to it upon knowing everything. I wonder how long are you going to play this game. Not telling me anything and also not telling 'daddy' anything. Sister is now begging me not to disregard you as my brother. Tell me, should I or should I not? You played us around and like a fool we believed you. I got nothing else to say to you. All the best with that new girl of yours.Funny how complicated love can be. People are willing to do anything for their loved ones. That I don't deny. Sometimes, me too does that. However, when the things they do destroy their loved ones, is it good or bad? Maybe at some point, it is. It all depends on the situation. Things like this make me think twice about going into a relationship, AGAIN. We know how we feel for each other. But like I told you, it's not you. It's just plain me. Yeah, I know it's not fair not to give others a chance just because we've been hurt once. Took quite some time for me to recover fully, hence I need ample time to accept you. Yes, you said we're not rushing for anything yet. But seeing the way things are now, is like...We ARE already an item when we are actually not. You told me I can just back off but it's not easy to do so once I've fallen inside. I don't enjoy hurting people like what people. Cos I know it seriously sucks. Taking it easy is all we can do now, ain't it. Aaanyways, though I don't celebrate it, here's wishing everyone out there a very HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!! May you savour those special moments with your loved ones. Love them and not hurt them. Till then, take care.
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6:30 PM
Friday, February 10, 2006
* The SCs without the ties!!!
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12:01 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
* No words can describe the atmosphere
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11:59 PM
* Ok Best pham+ 3 of the Only_us pham
* One of my darlings
* Anxiety in us
* Girl power??
* Caveman, They were friggin cute!!!!
* One of the stuffs they gave
* Dragons, there were 34 of them, I think
* Grooving to the beat
* Humongous Dog
* Moving Coca Cola with figurines
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Yesterday's Chingay was kinda fun. Went there with sch mates..We were given the free tix by our CA so yeah..Well, it was actually to see how events are being organised and stuffs, but of course, no one paid attention on that. Our minds were set on only having fun. I was looking forward to it too, cos one of my sch mate is participating. However, when I was on my way there, something kills my mood and I just felt like not going to town but to confront that particular person. She was the one who totally ruins my mood. Was so freaking pissed by what she did.I may be present there but my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't concentrate on Chingay upon knowing that situation. Just came back from meeting the appropriate people regarding that freakin situation. It may be considered 'solved' but no, it's not the ending just yet. I thought they are gonna do just fine but things proved to be wrong. What the hacks!! Yeah, now you may promise me this and that but promises are just empty words. They don't mean a thing unless you seriously prove it to me. You jolly well know what I'll do if it happens again. I don't care if you're my brother or not, once you're in the wrong, I don't give a damn about who you are to me. Betrayal of trust, empty promises...Keep this incident in mind and learn your mistake. I don't want to hear anymore shit about you.Finally, I have my rest after so long. Been working for the past week. Esp during cny. It was simply 'amazing'. Non stop customers coming in...It's already in the Feb. Fast huh..2 more months then holidays!!! Can't wait for the chalets that I'll be having in the upcoming months. I guess I'll stop here. Will upload the Chingay pics once my darling pass it to me. So enjoy your weekend.P/s: Kak Sally, you were cute!!! =)
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7:42 PM
[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a
complicated future. Well, I guess that's how
life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.
Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
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Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
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Dysfunctional mind
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