Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Thursday, April 28, 2005

I've decided to quit my job..I can't go on anymore. There's just too many commitments in my life for now. There's been a lot of problems going on in my house lately. If I were to work, there's no one to look after my sibz after they're back from school. Used to rely on relatives last time. But I doubt I can ever do that again. They also have their own plans and activites going on. I can't make them sacrifice their stuffs just because of having to look after my sibz. It ain't fair for them.

Somehow, I feel that I'm lacking something. The love which I used to have from my relatives seems to have fade away the moment she's gone. These are the relatives from her side. It's like..when she's already gone, they seem to have shunned us..Well, not really shunned but it's as though they don't care anymore. Everytime when there's a gathering, my dad, sibz and myself seems to be doing our own stuffs. It's like as though we're invisible. Not everyone notices us. Hence..We kinda decided not to go for any gatherings unless it's really important. If she was still here, this thing would not have happened. We would still be treated like the way it used to be.

Since she's gone, the four of us have been living in our own world. We did everything ourselves and we can't really ask them for help. She had left a great impact on the four of us. We are left to fend for ourselves. We're no longer the family we used to be. It's torn and tattered.
If only she wasn't diagnosed with any sickness. I seriously haven't had enough of a mother's love. 16 years. It may seem long to some, but to me..No..It's a short period of time. I didn't get to enjoy or savour every moment of a life with a mother. I miss having someone who scolds and nags at me non-stop. I miss having someone who would prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner for us. I miss having someone who would joke around with us. I miss having someone to spend the weekend with. I miss having someone who's constantly advising and motivating me. I miss her voice. I miss everything which has gotta do with her.

Mother's Day is around the corner yet again. I eventually remembered as everywhere I go, there would be some sales going on for gifts for mothers. I couldn't even remember when actually is mother's day for like a year back. However, this year was an exception. I actually reminded myself of the upcoming day. Usually, I would be busy picking out a gift or trying to prepare something for her on her occassion. This time, it's different. There's no one for me to buy the gift for and share the love with. That particular part is now empty. Or rather, it has been empty for 2 yrs 4 mths. And it's still gonna be that way for years to come.

Everything that is associated with 'LOVE' is a really complicated thing. There seem to be no answer to every problem with 'LOVE'. All I have now are memories which I can reminisce till my dying day, be it of a mother's love or a guy's love.


'Some memories are more precious than LOVE itself'.

*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
9:58 PM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

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Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

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[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
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February 2008