Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Oh great!!! Here I am posting a new entry at 8.50am. I've never woken up this early before. Well, at least for a few months lah. The reason being was I'm tired from tossing and turning yet again. I couldn't have a wink at all last night!!!! Fugk!!!! It's really damn freaking irritating..And the best thing is I didn't feel a bit sleepy right now!! I'm superrrrrrrrrrrrr STRESSED!!!!!!!! Yes, I am back to my stress mode. And it's of a high level. I need to get medication asap before it dies on me. I CAN TAKE IT NO MORE!!!!!!

Had another long lecture by the same friend of mind whom I mentioned in my last entry, last night. It lasted for, I think, nearly 3 hours. Well, at first I asked that friend's opinion on smoking, clubbing and
movies. Yeahs...So it was just a casual talk. Then we proceeded on something more serious. Not sure how we suddenly went to that topic though. But for sure, I was in for another lecture. After having some recaps, I told that friend that I ain't strong enough to endure this freakin probs. I feel like quiting but I know it ain't easy. Why? It's because of me. My ownself. I don't know why I don't wanna do it. That friend again, advised me saying,

"We cant be your bed and matress forever...we cant always say that you are wat u are....because its wat u think you are that is impt...coz afterall ...its your life...not mine...so if you're gonna be a plane going down with the pilot sleeping....your frens at the controll station cant really do shit!!!cuz we all can juz shout to the mic and hope that you would wake up...but if u wanna create suicide and bring the whole plane down...then ...its ultimately your choice. yeah...we will feel sad...lost...but only for a moment...then its back to our lives...so i say again....its over...".

That friend then told me something else. Which is of the same thing my girlfriend told me weeks ago. That friend had the same story. This ain't the first time where I heard stories..but thrice!!! Same venue, same person. What the hack am I supposed to do??!! Should I believe it or not??!! And well, the stories which I heard it from came from very reliable sources!! Should I confront that person??!!! Or should I just wait and SUFFER yet again??!!

That friend then told me off. "When are u gonna listen to wat i say? IT IS SIMPLY OVER.....its time for u to come to terms that u lost....and its time to turn the page....coz you are reading the same page over and over again...stop remembering...ignore the feelings...juz trust that u can make it on your own...now its you against yourself....".
It seems that all this while I haven't put what that friend said in action. Yes, I didn't listen to what that friend said. And I don't know why. I'm having a terrible headache as I'm typing this out. And it sucks!!

I just don't understand. Why can't ppl just tell the truth??!! Ain't it betta then hearing other ppl talk abt ya?? Is it so damn bloody hard to even tell what the hack are ya thinking or feeling?? Yes, no doubt truths are always hard to swallow, but ain't it betta that way rather then let ppl suffer for ya doings??!!! Do ya have any idea how my days went, just tryna solve this thingy?? I've even been told off my so many ppl who's tryna make things turn out right for me.
Let me tell ya'll this....IT'S NOT BLOODY RIGHT TO PLAY PPL AROUND. TO CHEAT PPL OF THEIR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. IF YOU'RE SUFFERING, THE OTHER PARTY SUFFERS MORE AS HE/SHE IS BEING PLAYED ARD WITHOUT HIS/HER KNOWING IT. PLS, DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND JUST TELL THE DAMN TRUTH. IT'S BETTA THAT WAY RATHER THEN YOU KEEP THINGS TO YOURSELF. HOW LONG MORE ARE YOU GONNA ABLE TO PLAY THE GAME ARD?! EVENTUALLY, THERE WILL COME A DAY WHERE TRUTHS ARE BEING SURFACED. SO WHY NOT TELL TRUTHS NOW???!!! IT'S GONNA BE THE SAME THING. GET RID OF YOUR EGO AND SELFISHNESS. THINK FOR YOURSELF AND ALSO THE OTHER PARTY. THINK OF YOUR FUTURE. AS MUCH AS YOU DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR FUTURE, DON'T GO ARD RUINING OTHER'S FUTURE AS WELL. THINK PEOPLE, THINK.

I really need a medication asap or I'm gonna burst. All these are just too much for me to handle. I don't wanna go back to hospital again...The thought of it just turns me off. God, I need strength from YOU to overcome all these which YOU have set for me. Pls, gimme the strength and endurance that I need.

'A person's fleeting action can cause an eternal heartache'.


*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
8:50 AM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

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Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

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[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
February 2008