Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Oh great!!! Here I am posting a new entry at 8.50am. I've never woken up this early before. Well, at least for a few months lah. The reason being was I'm tired from tossing and turning yet again. I couldn't have a wink at all last night!!!! Fugk!!!! It's really damn freaking irritating..And the best thing is I didn't feel a bit sleepy right now!! I'm superrrrrrrrrrrrr STRESSED!!!!!!!! Yes, I am back to my stress mode. And it's of a high level. I need to get medication asap before it dies on me. I CAN TAKE IT NO MORE!!!!!!
Had another long lecture by the same friend of mind whom I mentioned in my last entry, last night. It lasted for, I think, nearly 3 hours. Well, at first I asked that friend's opinion on smoking, clubbing and movies. Yeahs...So it was just a casual talk. Then we proceeded on something more serious. Not sure how we suddenly went to that topic though. But for sure, I was in for another lecture. After having some recaps, I told that friend that I ain't strong enough to endure this freakin probs. I feel like quiting but I know it ain't easy. Why? It's because of me. My ownself. I don't know why I don't wanna do it. That friend again, advised me saying, "We cant be your bed and matress forever...we cant always say that you are wat u are....because its wat u think you are that is impt...coz afterall ...its your life...not mine...so if you're gonna be a plane going down with the pilot sleeping....your frens at the controll station cant really do shit!!!cuz we all can juz shout to the mic and hope that you would wake up...but if u wanna create suicide and bring the whole plane down...then ...its ultimately your choice. yeah...we will feel sad...lost...but only for a moment...then its back to our lives...so i say again....its over...".That friend then told me something else. Which is of the same thing my girlfriend told me weeks ago. That friend had the same story. This ain't the first time where I heard stories..but thrice!!! Same venue, same person. What the hack am I supposed to do??!! Should I believe it or not??!! And well, the stories which I heard it from came from very reliable sources!! Should I confront that person??!!! Or should I just wait and SUFFER yet again??!! That friend then told me off. "When are u gonna listen to wat i say? IT IS SIMPLY OVER.....its time for u to come to terms that u lost....and its time to turn the page....coz you are reading the same page over and over again...stop remembering...ignore the feelings...juz trust that u can make it on your own...now its you against yourself....".It seems that all this while I haven't put what that friend said in action. Yes, I didn't listen to what that friend said. And I don't know why. I'm having a terrible headache as I'm typing this out. And it sucks!! I just don't understand. Why can't ppl just tell the truth??!! Ain't it betta then hearing other ppl talk abt ya?? Is it so damn bloody hard to even tell what the hack are ya thinking or feeling?? Yes, no doubt truths are always hard to swallow, but ain't it betta that way rather then let ppl suffer for ya doings??!!! Do ya have any idea how my days went, just tryna solve this thingy?? I've even been told off my so many ppl who's tryna make things turn out right for me.Let me tell ya'll this....IT'S NOT BLOODY RIGHT TO PLAY PPL AROUND. TO CHEAT PPL OF THEIR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. IF YOU'RE SUFFERING, THE OTHER PARTY SUFFERS MORE AS HE/SHE IS BEING PLAYED ARD WITHOUT HIS/HER KNOWING IT. PLS, DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND JUST TELL THE DAMN TRUTH. IT'S BETTA THAT WAY RATHER THEN YOU KEEP THINGS TO YOURSELF. HOW LONG MORE ARE YOU GONNA ABLE TO PLAY THE GAME ARD?! EVENTUALLY, THERE WILL COME A DAY WHERE TRUTHS ARE BEING SURFACED. SO WHY NOT TELL TRUTHS NOW???!!! IT'S GONNA BE THE SAME THING. GET RID OF YOUR EGO AND SELFISHNESS. THINK FOR YOURSELF AND ALSO THE OTHER PARTY. THINK OF YOUR FUTURE. AS MUCH AS YOU DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR FUTURE, DON'T GO ARD RUINING OTHER'S FUTURE AS WELL. THINK PEOPLE, THINK.I really need a medication asap or I'm gonna burst. All these are just too much for me to handle. I don't wanna go back to hospital again...The thought of it just turns me off. God, I need strength from YOU to overcome all these which YOU have set for me. Pls, gimme the strength and endurance that I need.'A person's fleeting action can cause an eternal heartache'.*OvEr aNd oUtz*
Fullstop at
8:50 AM
[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a
complicated future. Well, I guess that's how
life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.
Khairunnisa
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