Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I seriously hate this freaking sch hols esp for the primary schools!!!! The irritating duos are getting on my nerves every single day!! I can't have a peace of mind with the both of them around at the same time. Dammit!!! Super irritating man...I can't help it!! Since the holidays for them started last Saturday, they have been aggravating me every single minute!! They will keep squabbling over small things and it will last for a long period. I mean it!! I've lived with them for almost11 years yet there's no difference in their attitude. Everytime when there's school term hols, I will suffer for how long the duration of the hols is. In this case, it's gonna be one month.

However, I guess, I'm gonna be lucky this time round as my school term will start in abt 3 weeks time. How bouyant can I get!! I'm just waiting to start school so that I won't face them as often as now. I mean, it's not that I don't want to face them, but circumstances make me feel that way. They may be my flesh and blood, but they don't treat or rather respect me as one. As an elder that is. I've always been told to give in to them. I've been giving in to them for countless times yet the treatment that I get really sucks! I don't understand what's with them. Their metabolism rate seems to be of a high voltage!!!

Don't worry, it's not that I hate them to the core. Like I mentioned earlier, circumstances that I'm in, make me really pissed off with their self-being. Is this the result of giving in way too much? I don't know. My dad, cuzs and relatives have been telling me to take it easy and not vent my frustrations on them. Patience is what they told me to instill in myself. That, I have done. My patience is really in control. I don't flare up for no reasons like I used to way back then. Thanks to certain people, I managed to control my anger. But, tell me...With a younger bro shouting at you, making extremely rude remarks and sometimes throwing things at you plus a younger sister who's also getting insolent due to her thinking of a growing up age...How can anyone ever put up with that??!!!

I sometimes cry my heart out as to why this is happening to me. What have I done to gain this kinda treatment? I've told my dad umpteen times about their self-being, but there's still no improvement. In fact, I would sometimes get blamed for civility by either my grandma or relatives. Someone, tell me..Is this fair? You're being accused at something you did not commit. My grandma esp have pampered them too much. Esp my bro. He's like the gem in my grandma's eyes. I don't get it. Why?! It's not that she never scolds him, but after scolding, she will comfort him and then talked to him in a very nice manner. Ya know, the typical grandma's towards their grandchildren.

My bro, on the other hand, has like a split personality. When he's at my grandma's place, he will behave extremely well and not create a havoc. Like an angel, I would rather say. However, when he's at home...The chaos he created is seriously unbearable. Well, my sis is not too much of a problem. But I don't know why she has become so impertinent nowadays. Same goes as my bro, she will shout at the slightest thing. I don't know what has brought about the change in her. She wasn't like this before. I've asked her a reason for the change of behavior but in silence she remain. It's either she doesn't want to tell me or she herself is undergoing a mutation. Only she has the answer to herself.

I'm getting tired of being the giver always. Due to having giving in too often, it has already been instilled in me. I will keep giving in to others at the slightest things. Maybe what my friend said is true..Because of I have been giving in, that particular thingy happened. And it is now 'accomplished'. Yes, mission 'accomplished', I must say. Well, about those duos, I don't know when will things ever change. I don't want them to grow up to become very ill-mannered people.
I'm seriously hoping that things will get better by the day. Obviously, they won't convert overnight. It might take months or even years..Well, I guess I still gotta be patient, ain't it?? There's nothing more I can do.

'Life is full of obstacles and we gotta do our best to overcome it'.


*OvEr aNd oUTz*


Fullstop at
11:36 PM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

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Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

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[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
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