Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Didn't go to school just now. Haha..First time in new school I absent myself. Lols...Was feeling very very sleepy and tired hence I decided to go back to sleep once the alarm went off. What a reason to absent myself from school huh...Tsk tsk..Actually, the reason being was I wasn't really in the state of mind of going to school because of a bloody talk last night..I don't know whether I'm supposed to be rejoicing over what happened or feel devastated. The only thing I know is that, I've lost yet another friend. Due to stupid or rather lame reasons, I guess..

A long talk we had last night..Discussed abt certain stuffs concerning the heart. Confused, I was. I was told by so many people to give this lad here a chance. Well, at first I thought it'll be better to stay off as friends. Yes, I'm moving on. However, does this means that I have to give anyone a chance just to heal my newly broken heart?? Hey, I took a long time to recover and I'm still on the verge of recovering even now. It's been 6 months. Ever since this lad here knew abt the breaking up thingy, he's been trying real hard for me to accept him. First rejection:'Let's just continue being friends, shall we?' And he said, 'Yeah..Ok..If that's what you want. I respect your decision'. Second rejection[which was last night]:'I really need more time to overcome everything that's revolving ard me'. Then after a freaking qns and answering session, I said,'I'm not the kind of gal you're looking for. It's better if you look for someone else. I'm sorry cos I can't agree to your requests'. Hence he said, 'I guess I have no other choice but to break this friendship of ours. I won't bother or contact you anymore. I hope that you'll find someone better than me'. And he hunged up straightaway.

Can you imagine that??!!! I was just about to gain the strength I lost months back, and this had to happened. The hurt that I once had began coming back to me at once. I've lost 'him' due to a relationship that doesn't work out and now, I've lost this lad here. Just because I wasn't able to accept him. How the hell am I supposed to accept him with those kinda requests coming from him??!!! Well, maybe other gals can tolerate and accede to them, but not me!!! I won't do anything that's outta qn where relationship matters. Maybe some would understand what requests I'm talking about here..

Whatever is it, my bro M said I did great for not accepting him. And I think so too..I've lost a friend due to a lame circumstances?? I don't know whether losing him[the lad] will leave a great impact on me or not..But I reckon, life's like this. You gain friends, you lose friends. In the end, you'll be left alone when you're dead.

Talking about death, I've lost another relative of mine. My granny called to say that her brother just passed on earlier this morning. Shocked, I was. I heard that he's been going in and out of the hospital to receive treament and I thought he would get better. But things proved otherwise. He was a quiet old man whom I called grandad. Doesn't really talk much but was always putting on a smile and very kind-hearted. I'm gonna miss him. Hari Raya this year won't be much of a fun, I assume. Well, we all gotta die someday ain't it..It's just that we don't know when's our time..

I shall be back to school tomorrow. 1515 is the time where I'll finish my lessons.However, tomorrow there'll be S&W going on!!! But, but...It's at 1415pm...Can you believe it??!! Having PE lessons in that kinda time??!!! Haiss..Long hours in school makes me feel 'sick' and so darn sleepy...How I miss secondary school life...!!!!

'The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive'


*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
10:30 PM

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Had a bbq at ECP yesterday and man, it was great. Had fun crapping with my friends. It's been some time since we had a real talk. Haha..Well, ever since school has started for us. Lols. I just love going to the beach. The wind was very strong yesterday and I felt so refreshed and relaxed. Nice feeling..Got there earlier as was being summoned by that gf of mine. Haha..Initially, I couldn't get to do the bbqing stuffs as it's being done by someone else. However, when they kinda took a break, I took over from them. Haha...I was feeling kinda bored sitting there, doing absolutely nothing.

I made 2 new guy friends. They are my gf's friends. But we get along quite well even though we just got to know each other. One's N and the other is K. The 2 of them joined me bbqing the stuffs after having their food. It was seriously fun. K made jokes almost all the time and the 2 of us kept laughing till my cheeks are kinda cramped. We talked abt lotsa stuffs. From own life to school to work and to relationships. It's interesting to be engaged in this kinda conversation with guys ya know...I mean it's like you get a different point of view from them. Their explanations and stuffs and how they feel abt certain things..We do share something in common after knowing each other a lil bit better. I clicked with them easily unlike my new sch friends. Well, maybe because I've seen them before.

After we got tired of bbqing, took a rest at an empty spot. The bbqing was great but it sure was tiring. Had to stand for long hours. I was just enjoying the night scene, gazing at the stars above and feel the wind blowing when the 2 of them came and join me again. And again, we get ourselves into another conversation. This time around, I was the one who asked for their opinion on something. Well, it seems that they gave me the same hypothesis which I've heard from my bro before. Guys..What do you expect? But when I said one thing, one of them was kinda upset. Yeah, I know it's true that no one's perfect and not everyone is the same. Nevertheless, the 2 of them made me realize something. They are a really fabulous bunch of people. And I'm glad to have met them.

Sometimes, I feel that it's better to get engaged in a conversation with guys rather than gals. I don't know why. Different perspective, more understanding?? Yeahs..I guess that are some of the qualities guys have. Or maybe, I feel safe talking to guys all these while. Whatever it is, I thank God for giving me the chance to meet such fantastic people in my life.

The bbq ended off with my bros coming late. Freakos...My Thai bro is on his way back home as I'm posting this now. He's in the skies right now, I assume. Gonna miss him real bad. I must say, the bbq my gf organised in conjunction of her anniversary, was a splendid one. Even though I was so freaking tired..Haha..Well, tomorrow's Monday and I'm back to school!! Drats...Been feeling so sleepy in school...Esp during Accounts lesson. But tomorrow I'll be finishing my lessons early!! 1215pm. Heavenly!! I shall reach home early and go to sleep. Lols..Well, have a great week ahead of you!!

'The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed'.


*OvEr aNd oUTz*





Fullstop at
1:51 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Finally, I have the time to update. Well, things are going pretty busy for me now. Why? School has started!!!! After nearly 7 months of cooping at home and not going to school, I finally felt the gush of studying again. I don't know whether I'll be happy studying this course as initially I wanted another one. However, I guess time will tell everything. I'm just gonna work as hard as possible.

The first day of orientation was kinda boring yet exhausting. Since we need to get familiar with the facilities in school, we were brought to basically every corners of the school. With the sizzling hot weather, we had to go from one place to another. I was feeling very very sleepy as I didn't get enough sleep. I need more time to adapt to a new sleeping/waking up mode. The first friend I made goes by the name of Nuratikah. And then the list of new friends goes on as we played the 'Name Game'. I can remember some of their names, mainly the malay students. As for the chinese students, I can only recall those with an English name. Those with Hanyu Pinyin names are kinda hard for me to pronounce hence can't remember their names. Haha..It takes time to know every single one of my classmates lah huh...

There's quite a number of malays in my class and I think it out-numbered the chinese. My class is mostly made up of girls. There are only 2 malay guys and I think around 6-8 chinese guys. Mine's quite a big class though. On the second day, which was today, the orientation turns a lil bit better. Was able to get along with the rest of the classmates. Started joking and crapping like we've known each other for long. One of the malay guys named Firdaus(another Firdaus added to my friends list and it's now 4), always sorta 'kena' bullied by the malay girls. Pity him lah..Lols..During the game, he's the one who got partially wet due to the rules of the game lah. We made him the scapegoat of being the one who's gonna get wet. Lucky for us, he's able to take the jokes and he's a really friendly guy. I'm sure the whole lot of us are gonna bond more closer as time goes by. After all, it's gonna be 2 years that I'll be with them.

Saw a few familiar faces in my new school but can't recall their names. Haha..It seems that I'm the only Changkatan pursuing Higher Nitec in Biz Admin in that campus for this intake. Oh yeah, btw, I'm in the ITE College Central-Bishan. Which was my second choice. People there kept asking why I didn't choose ITE East-Simei instead and which I had to repeat my answers all over again. And that is there's no vacancy for the course I want. That's the saddening part of it. However, I don't think I regret coming to this campus. Hopefully, everything goes well for me here. Lessons will eventually start tomorrow, Wednesday. One good thing is that I won't be going home so late like what I initally thought. Phewwww!!!!!

Well, now that I've started school, I'm unable to be online till the wee hours of morning. Due to the hours in school, I get tired easily and hence fall asleep sooner than I thought. So now, my times spent on the computer has gotta decreased. Oh wells, it's all for my own good, ain't it...Well, wish me luck on embarking a new journey with new characters and such!!! So, have a good day ahead and take care always!!

'Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix'.

*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
8:30 PM

Thursday, June 16, 2005

"There's people in your life that burn. You catch a glimpse of them here and there, unexpected, and they leave such an indelible footprint on you - your personality, your thoughts, your memories.

They burn brightly. You get to know them, it could be a friend you've known forever, and there's that one moment, that one period in time where they take center-stage and you wonder how you never noticed certain qualities about them before. It could be a stranger, a chance encounter, even if you don't get a name, but you have that interaction where they do something... say something, move a certain way, look at you in just the right manner, and it catches. Your mind grabs onto it and puts it away and forever when you look back at that moment, you've got their imprint.

They leave their mark. You become enamored with them. And for awhile you wish them the best, and you want to follow. You get caught up with them, and maybe you're leading, maybe they're leading... it doesn't matter, there's an understanding and a feeling that everything happening in that moment is something shared and something that shines just a little bit more than what you're used to.


People do fade. Into the back of the mind. Once in awhile you remember them and that very special time, you pull that thought out into the open, mull it over, admire it, feel warm and comforted, and then let it go. And it fades."


An extract from Howard of EFAG 2. I agree with what he's stated there. People from all walks of life do leave a mark on our lives. Even if it's for a short period of time. And those are really memorable.


Fullstop at
7:05 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Well, EFAG 2 has come to the conclusion. The gorgeous Denise K. chosed the mystery Wolfgang instead of the sweetie Howard. I was rooting for Howard ever since Shan was out. He's a man full of creativity. Basically, he's a really cute and sweet guy. Very romantic too. On the other hand, Wolfgang showed the maturity in him and things went smoothly for him.He's a man with poise, I must say. Both Howard and Wolfgang has their specialities somehow, ain't it??

When Denise said, "I'm gonna go on the journey with Wolfgang", I admit I cried. Yeah...Was feeling kinda emotional there. Tears just flow down my cheeks upon that. I was appalled by her decision. I thought that she would choose Howard. It's not that I never thought that she's gonna choose Wolfgang instead, but I think Howard's better in a way. Well, even fairy tales has an ending right. But it wasn't a joyous one for this. I reckon things just didn't really work out between Howard and Denise, huh...

Nevertheless, it seems that both Denise and Wolfgang are devoted to each other now. They are kinda compatible too..Gee..I hope that the both of them will end up together in the future unlike EFAG 1. I think they are great. Just gotta wish the best of luck for the both of them together. As for Howard, I'm sure he's gonna get the woman of his dreams soon. There are still so many roses out there but it depends on him naturally. All the best to the three of them..!!


'It's funny how you make a connection with someone after some time, but it comes to an end soon'.


*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
10:36 PM

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

What a day it was!!! I had to travel all the way to north in the morning just for that uniform. And the journey was kinda long. About 45-50 mins. Nearly an hour. Can you imagine that? I was pratically yawning away during the journey there. Didn't get enough sleep yet had to wake up early morning just to buy stuffs. And my oh my!! Upon reaching there, I was greeted with such 'warmthness'. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was like gaping at the situation for like a few minutes. The long queues filled almost the whole hall!!!

I had to stand for nearly 2 hours just to get that pair of uniform!!! Really cannot 'tahan' leh...I was kinda exhausted as I haven't had anything at all. Be it a drink or a bite. The service there was really really slow. There were a few others too who was heard whining. And I thought I was the only one. Haha...Then had to walk all the way back to the train station. Again, I had to stand as there wasn't any available seats. My legs nearly gave way as I was really tired. After having a change of train, I had to stand again. My goodness!! I think I spent a total of abt 3 plus hours today just for standing. Upon reaching home, I straightaway went to my room and took a nap. Haha..But obviously after I've tried on those unis and put them away, of course!! Oh yeah..The unis kinda nice..Haha..

I could only sleep for half an hour. Drats!! No matter how hard I tried to shut my eyes, I just can't fall asleep. Hence, had my all time fave cookies, Chipsmore that is and went out again. Luckily, my exhaustion had subside. Went to have a haircut. On the way there, my slippers sort of snapped out of position. Haisss...So I had to walk like as though I've injured my leg. And I kept tripping upon stuffs. What a day!!!

Well, it's the 14th..My dear bro E, will be back from Thailand tomorrow whereas my Thai bro will be back on the 17th. Yayness!!!!! I can't wait to see him. I've missed them sooooooooo much....And my another bro is at Mount Ophir now. With my buddy. An NPCC expedition. I hope everything will be well for them. Kinda worried. I'm looking forward to the weekends. Will be out on both days. Yeah...Such a long time since I last went out to kinda relax myself. Gotta go look for school stuffs on saturday and chalet on sunday!!!! Can't wait for it to happen...Well, so long and goodnight..


'The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am forging my own character'


*OvEr aNd oUTz*




Fullstop at
11:17 PM

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Hey all..I've been fiddling with the html of this web, trying to find a suitable skin. Have been so engrossed in doing it for the past 3 days. Keep changing the skins. Haha..I simply have loads of time now. Well, I should make full use of it before school term starts next week right? Haha...
So I've been searching for skins for my blog. I don't know how many skins have I browsed through during the past the 3 days. But it sure was loads.Finally..I guess, I'm settling for this one. It's simple but yeah, kinda dull. Nevertheless, it's cool.

During the past few days, I had fun chatting and fooling people in MSN. Haha..Yeah, I know it's a bad thing to do. I just did so to kill my boredom. Can you imagine someone from the net suddenly wants to go out with you and make you his partner??!! Haha..What a joke! You don't even know who the hack that person is yet he seems so sincere in bringing ya out..Freaky huh..Lols. What an alternative in getting to know someone who he's interested in!! Two of the quadreplets should know who and what I'm talking about. Plus bro M. Haha..

So, let's talk abt something else. A friend asked me this, "How to convince someone that you really like/love that someone?". This has set me thinking. What can one do in order to convince that someone? I've been thinking about it for the past three days. I have found no answer yet. Maybe sincerity would move the heart? I'm sure there's more to it, right? Someone, anyone, pls do share me your opinion on this. Nevertheless, I guess, it takes time for someone to put his/her trust on another someone esp after being hurt and has been independent for quite a long time. Basically, time plays a very crucial part in one's life. Anything can happen within a period of time. Hence, my answer to my friend was, "Let it take place naturally. Time will tell everything. Give her time to think about the whole thing". I don't have a definite answer to that qn for now. Maybe someday, I guess.

It seems that everyone around me is having a hard time finding love huh. I understand how you feel. You think that he/she is the one for you. Yeah, true, maybe now they are the one. However, no one can explain what will happen in the future ain't it? So I guess, it's better to take things easy. Take it one step at a time. Thanks to the past experience, I've learnt all these. I'm glad I had an experience for me to look upon. It teaches me how to cope with all these things and not be so serious abt it.

I'm supposed to be blogging for one of the quadreplets yet I'm blogging for mine instead. Haha..She'll shout at me for not doing so!! Shall be back soon..Have a nice weekend!! =)


'Sometimes you have to believe what's in your heart even though you can't see it with your eyes'


*OvEr aNd oUTz*


Fullstop at
5:17 PM

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I had poured my heart out to one of my bro, M, last night as I could no longer hold on to what was revolving around me. He seems to be the only one for now who seems to understand the situation I'm in even though he's not in the same family as me. At first, I wasn't thinking about my family stuffs. It was about the past. I mean, I was thinking or rather being reminded of the past with..well..that someone.

Was tuning in to P10 and listenin to Shan as the deejay. Then, well..there were songs being played which kinda remind me of that someone..Hence, my mind was brought back to the past. It's not that I want to. But I couldn't get control of it. I was seriously wasn't in the mood and thought of going to bed. I can't, however. After realizing that I was in the past, I shook my head and started thinking of my family stuffs instead. I gotta throw the past away from me. I guess, it wasn't worth it after all.

I don't know why I suddenly talked to my bro and tell him everything abt my family stuffs. I mean, it isn't the first time, but I rarely talked to him abt stuffs concerning families. I guess, I was really under pressure last night and couldn't take it. I was crying all the way during the time where I talked to him. Not exactly talked. Indirectly lah. MSN version. He gave me the same advices which my cuz did before. I reckon, what he said last night was kinda true. Not all of us can be there for every single one living in this world, ain't it? Sometimes, you just gotta take matter into your own hands. Things might be better that way.

I did just that but it backfires on me. Drats!! "Never ever give up"!! was what he's instilled in me. "Everything's gonna be worthwhile", "Have faith in them"....I remembered these words he said. No matter how much I want to give up, I know I can't. This ain't an examination where one can just stop doing it and failing as a result. Not as easy as that, though. It's like going for a battle of war. After having trained for so long, one would not want to be defeated easily, ain't it..What one wants in a battle is victory. One doesn't just raise the white flag towards the enemies. One will fight towards the end even if it means costing one's own life. Ain't that true?

I've yet to find the victory. Not even half. I think the battle just started and I gotta go all out to earn the triumph. Like what my buddy, Khai, said "Don't try, Do your best!!". He's my motivator. I gotta be like him. I can't just yield it all up. I've come a long way to get this far. Oh well...No matter what, I can't knock off easily. I gotta endure it for as long as I can. Maybe, even if it costs my life.

"Not a shred of evidence exists in the favour of the idea that life is serious"


*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
11:30 PM

Sunday, June 05, 2005

And so, it's June..Gosh, it's been weeks or months I'm living with this kinda lifestyle. As in slacking at home, doing nothing, sleeping in the morning and waking up in the evening. No, no...That is so not healthy!! But, what can I do? I can't seem to shut my eyes to fall to dreamland at 10pm. I've been sleeping late every single day because I can't fall asleep easily. This has been going on since January. Has been going on for 5 mths. Well, I'm sure things will get better once I start school.

Talking of school, I'm left with 2 more weeks to enjoy this 'pleasureable' lifestyle. On the first thought, I felt great. I mean, won't have to stay at home doing absolutely nothing except surfing the net and reading. However, after thinking again...Man, it's gonna be the starting of suffering..I can't really enjoy long holidays like now or can't sleep for longer periods. Starting 20th June, gotta change my timetable or rather my sleeping habit. I gotta wake up the usual time which I woke up when I was in Sec Sch, and that is 6am. Shoots!! I thought that I could now wake up at least slightly later than usual but..Damn..Wrong!! The same old routine has to be done. Wake up at 6am and get out of the house by 630am. Haiyo...Then will be back later in the evening. I might be having a companion to school this time. But, that depends on his timetable. If he's going to school at 630am, then I can go along with him. Well...See how lah..


Everything's gonna change. New school, new friends, new environment, new timetable..Everything will be brand new. I'm not sure whether I like this feeling or not. It's not that I don't wanna let go of the past. If I had a choice, I would not even want to have that kinda past. On the other hand, the past memories are just too precious to be thrown away. Moreover, it's the past that has brought me to the present. Without a past, there can never be a present. I'm gonna miss everything that was in the past. I can't keep looking backwards. I gotta march forward. I wonder how is life gonna be in a new place. Will I get the same people who care for me like now? Will I be able to adapt to it? Time will tell everything..
I gotta go buy my uniform and stuffs on the 14th. It's kinda terrible where you have to travel from the east to the north, back and forth, every single day. The thought of that just irks me. Haha..But what to do? I can't get a transfer.

I'm looking forward to this 19th. My beloved Thai bro will be coming back!!!! And there'll be a chalet!!! And that means the rest of my bros will be there too!! Yayness!! I can't wait for it to happen. L, T, E, G, A, J, H, F, J. I miss the whole lot of them soooooooooooo much. Just the other day, one of bro, asked, "Nisa, do you miss me? Cos I miss you lah.." Haha...So sweet lah this bro of mine..He's the sun of my life. Well, ever since shits happen..I turned to my bros every now and then. They urged me to get on with life and such. I can't do without them. They've done so much for me. It's like a bro who wants the best for his lil sis. That's how I am towards them. The same bro who asked me the above qn even wants to transfer and accompany me in my new school. HE has granted me such beautiful people whom I adore and love them to bits. I've always wanted an elder bro. But, I was the eldest. Haha..However, 4 years ago, these people came into my life and thus, treated me like one of them. I am gonna meet them soon!!! I'm loving it...Lols..

It's gonna be a new chapter of life soon. I've already got the conclusion to the old story. And I'm now ready to create a brand new one. New characters, new venues. Gotta have a different perspective too. Well, gonna end here. I'm having a terrible cramp now and I've just ate 2 tabs of panadol. Gotta have some rest. So long...

'The secret of good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values'

*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
4:35 PM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

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Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

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[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
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