Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I had poured my heart out to one of my bro, M, last night as I could no longer hold on to what was revolving around me. He seems to be the only one for now who seems to understand the situation I'm in even though he's not in the same family as me. At first, I wasn't thinking about my family stuffs. It was about the past. I mean, I was thinking or rather being reminded of the past with..well..that someone.

Was tuning in to P10 and listenin to Shan as the deejay. Then, well..there were songs being played which kinda remind me of that someone..Hence, my mind was brought back to the past. It's not that I want to. But I couldn't get control of it. I was seriously wasn't in the mood and thought of going to bed. I can't, however. After realizing that I was in the past, I shook my head and started thinking of my family stuffs instead. I gotta throw the past away from me. I guess, it wasn't worth it after all.

I don't know why I suddenly talked to my bro and tell him everything abt my family stuffs. I mean, it isn't the first time, but I rarely talked to him abt stuffs concerning families. I guess, I was really under pressure last night and couldn't take it. I was crying all the way during the time where I talked to him. Not exactly talked. Indirectly lah. MSN version. He gave me the same advices which my cuz did before. I reckon, what he said last night was kinda true. Not all of us can be there for every single one living in this world, ain't it? Sometimes, you just gotta take matter into your own hands. Things might be better that way.

I did just that but it backfires on me. Drats!! "Never ever give up"!! was what he's instilled in me. "Everything's gonna be worthwhile", "Have faith in them"....I remembered these words he said. No matter how much I want to give up, I know I can't. This ain't an examination where one can just stop doing it and failing as a result. Not as easy as that, though. It's like going for a battle of war. After having trained for so long, one would not want to be defeated easily, ain't it..What one wants in a battle is victory. One doesn't just raise the white flag towards the enemies. One will fight towards the end even if it means costing one's own life. Ain't that true?

I've yet to find the victory. Not even half. I think the battle just started and I gotta go all out to earn the triumph. Like what my buddy, Khai, said "Don't try, Do your best!!". He's my motivator. I gotta be like him. I can't just yield it all up. I've come a long way to get this far. Oh well...No matter what, I can't knock off easily. I gotta endure it for as long as I can. Maybe, even if it costs my life.

"Not a shred of evidence exists in the favour of the idea that life is serious"


*OvEr aNd oUtz*


Fullstop at
11:30 PM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

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Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

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[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
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