Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Firstly, condolences to my dearest cousin on losing his chinese grandma earlier. Sorry to hear that, cuz. Will see you soon ayte.

Anyway, life back in school. Everyone was practically so happy to see each other back on the first day but not yours truly. There were smiles everywhere not forgetting hugs too. I didn't feel the same way however. Timetable for this term is ok except for Tuesdays and Thursdays where there's long hours. 8-4. Goodness. So first week of school was barely fine. Was already absent for 2 days in a row. Due to some stupid cramp in the stomach. Btw, congrats to the newly elected councillors. People like Syirah, Intan, Iman, Imran and the rest lah. All the best in venturing councillor's life for the next 1 and a half years. =)

I had this thinking in mind. That is to quit school. Yes. My heart is just not there anymore. I don't have any interest in school anymore. People have been telling me that it's only 4 more months to graduation, just endure. Gosh. That 4 more months is horrendous for me. I told one of my brother about it and the answer she gave was, "I'll slap your face if you were to do that!". Sighs. So what should I do now? Yes, no doubt I attend the lessons, but my mind and heart is just not there. It's either I doze off or stare blankly at the pages. Not that I don't understand what's been taught(well, maybe some I really don't understand), but it's just simply gone. I mean, the spirit to study is not there anymore. Maybe cos of the surroundings? People around me? Environment? I think the bottom of it is, JUST MYSELF. I don't dare tell dad about this for fear that he'll shout at me. Heh..Guess I have no other options but to stay put.

Siblings have been helping out at

THE ONE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAME's house, for the past 3 days. And they spent almost half a day there and will only be back around 2 plus in the morning together with dad. It's not that I don't wanna go there, it's just that I'm not ready yet. So, I spent my night away at this particular coffeeshop I frequent, together with my mates and brother. Chit chat, laugh and make lame jokes till 2 or 3. Been going home at that kinda time for like the whole of my holidays. Today's an exceptional. Was pretty tired and sleepy after cleaning up my room in the evening(cos I woke up ard 3 plus?), like FINALLY. Hence, dad said, "Aha! Finally, your room's all done huh..". Heh..

Oh yeah, 13th of Oct. Breaking of fast with the old people. However, this time with an extra someone. Someone from our past. Our sec 1 mate who went to another school the next year. So yeah..Almost the 7 of us haven't been in touch with her for the past 6 years. So can you imagine how I was during that period??!! I was practically half quiet. Just talk when necessary. When Khai and gang came, then I was my usual self. But not for long. Then tense came back when HE came. Was tryna avoid any eye contact with him throughout. Then had this lil bdae celebration, together along with Muz and HIM. Well, everything was indeed well planned by Khairul, my dear friend. Thanks a lot brother. Appreciate it very very much. And yeah, I can't confirm my presence for the raya outing on the 4th. Seriously sorry.


2 days ago, the good friend at work told me something, which set me thinking up till now during our msn conversation. Just a week ago, we had this misunderstanding online, and I cried during that whole convo. Whatever he said just pricks into my inner self. Since then, I became kinda emotional. Couldn't control my tears. They will just fall when I watch tv, lying on my bed, listening to some musics and sometimes when talking to friends. Absolutely weird it is. I am becoming more sensitive and emotional nowadays. I still can't find the reason and who that person my friend is referring to. My instincts tell me that it's the man himself. I could not afford to lose him. He has taught me just so many things, about life especially.

This is tough.

Ramadhan's ending, Raya's coming. I'm not ready for it. Am not looking forward anyway. The only thing I'm looking forward for is to visit mum, at her tomb that is. I miss her badly. Raya's gonna be pretty much the same; stay at cousin's house till evening then go visiting the elderly on dad's side. Though it's supposed to be a joyous occassion, it won't be for me.



Not sure when I'll be back updating. So in advance,



SALAM AIDILFITRI MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.


Fullstop at
1:25 AM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
February 2008