Welcome to Chronocube design

"I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.


Kit McCallum

Friday, October 05, 2007

This thing.

This thing I've been holding inside me. It's hurting too much. I thought things will get better somehow, but it went the opposite way. Nothing is good, currently. I feel aloof. No doubt I have people all around me almost 24/7, but I'm just faking my way through them. Split personality. I might have developed that. It might sound insane. People thought I am a very strong girl. They think I'm fine with all the stuffs happening. Just because I laugh, joke and smile, that doesn't mean everything's ok.

The turmoil that I'm facing now, is extremely hard to deal with. I don't even know where to begin or how to initiate it. The people whom I've relied on my entire life, seems to be fading away. Well yeah, I know, for how long am I suppose to rely on people. I got to be independent, some might say. I thought I would be 'adult enough' to handle those matters. How irony can it be, when I truly sucks at it. Truthfully speaking, I'm weak in handling emotions. Especially where domestic and heart matters.

I can't help but to feel that you've changed. I don't even know what's on your mind. What are you planning to do with us, what's your next step, are you just gonna leave things be. I keep wondering, when will you actually DO SOMETHING. Maybe you already did, and it's just that I didn't realise it. Well, how am I supposed to, when I don't even see you. Near yet far.

I can't help but to feel that I'm living in a world of my own. I lost control over them already. No more conversations nor jokes. Much less smiles. I rarely see them smile nowadays. I know maybe they are also feeling the same thing as I do. But I don't want to burden them with these matters, as school is much more important to them, right now. I want to make things right, but I just don't know how to.

I can't help but to keep thinking that, you might have forgotten about me. I know I'm being very unfilial by saying that. I know maybe you have your reasons as to why all these are happening. I'm just disheartened. Everyday, this thing is playing on my mind. Everyday, I'm wondering when will these ever stop. And every single day, I'm hoping that you would call me up and ask about myself. I would love to have those talks with you. Those encouraging talks, advices, the rights and wrongs. And I got to say, that I do miss you scolding me. I just don't hear that any of those anymore.

I can't help but to feel that we're drifting further and further apart. And that, we seem to become strangers. This might sound wrong, but I'm not even sure if you still care or know that I'm still here, living and waiting for you.

I can't do this alone.

Dad, I just want you back. I want the old you back. I just want the four of us, like we've always had, four years ago. However, I know.. This is impossible. I'm just dreaming. It's just a wishful thinking on my part.

My birthday's just a few days away. And I'm not sure as to whether you still remember it or not.

Dad, I really miss you.


Fullstop at
3:09 AM

[P]rofiles
I never thought I would have a complicated future. Well, I guess that's how life works. Maybe HE has the best answer to it all.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Khairunnisa
101087
Fickle-head
Hopeless
Vulnerable
Cookie Addict
Heavy Sleeper
Cookie Monster & Spongebob Fan
Huge Procrastinator
Dysfunctional mind
Gastrics=BEST FRIEND

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
[E]xits
[Issac]
[Nazurah]
[1/4]
[Khairul]
[Fadzillah]
[2/4]
[Nana]
[Irza]
[Jannah]
[Kak Sally]
[Nana]
[Eddy]
[Hidayah]
[Fariza]
[Aini]
[Syasya]
[Deeyana]
[Yat]
[Muz]
[Syikin]
[Darn]
[T]agging




[C]redits
Design & Concept: ChronoCube
Base Codes: effloresce} & wishix
Font: dafont
Image: ChronoCube
Brushes: Ca-pris
Software Used: Photoshop CS 2 & Dreamweaver 8
[A]rchives
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
February 2008